Women-what is your success w/initiating?
Find a Conversation
Women-what is your success w/initiating?
| Sat, 07-22-2006 - 11:29pm |
I just joined Yahoo Personals last Saturday. I have only received 2 emails so far and am a little disappointed. I was wondering that if I expect any activity, that I may have to initiate myself. I was just wondering if women have had success being the initiators? I am 52, reasonably attractive but with two children at home part-time (could be a turnoff for a lot of men, I think).

Normally, I'm just not the kind of gal who enjoys making first contact with a guy even if I'm interested in his profile..I guess I'm a little old fashioned that way. When I post a profile (in the past) I've hoped that the object of my interest would write me first. If after a few days he didn't (and I've only done this two times now) I sent a brief introductory email.
In both cases, I heard back. Most recently, the guy I met on Match this week. I initiated contact (thinking he was maybe out of my league) and he actually turned out to be a really nice guy. We've gone out twice this week, and seem to have really good chemistry. I have a good feeling aobut this one. :)
So my advice? Don't sit back and wait for life to happen...sometimes you have to seize your opportunity. If you wait too long, that profile you've been admiring might disappear and you'll be left wondering why you didn't do something sooner!
Oh, and just a little footnote: The guy I met this week was also on Yahoo personals a while back, but I was reluctant to write him then too. Know why? because according to their "Personality matching" system, we were a poor fit. So I guess what I'm saying is, don't let that be the judge. You really won't know until you meet in person.
I'm 53 and when I look for women, the part time children at home (or even full time) thing does not deter me. I see my non-custodial children every weekend so that means there is more understanding about the challenges of sharing time.
Mark
I am very shy, and that is the main reason I have not had much luck on the Yahoo site...mainly because my profile is unsearchable and therefore I have to make the first contact with someone. I know it's stupid, but I don't want anyone I know at work to find out I'm out there looking on a personals site. But, that's my problem.
Now, that being said, there have been a few times I have made my profile searchable and have had several men contact me. I've dated two different men for a brief period, and met several men just one time. But so far, no big success stories.
What I have noticed is that since I initially started with the personals site (about a year and a half ago), I am still seeing the same men on the sites. So, they are not having much luck either.
I don't see anything wrong with you making the first contact, I think men can be as shy as we are and feel flattered if a woman contacts them.
One thing I've noticed is that a lot of men in my age group (I'm 61) and up, are looking for women who are no older than 45! But, then, it's their choice.
I am very happy when I hear of anyone who ends up with a wonderful relationship, and it does happen!
Funny thing about me being so shy....I just heard the other day about one of my coworkers who is getting married to a woman he met online...and no one laughed at him.
I wish you all the best!!! Keep us updated.
Katie
Almost all the men I've dated for any length of time from OLD have been men I approached rather than the other way around.
So, I would definitely say I've had much better success with initiating contact than with waiting for guys to contact me.
Sheri
Hello,
I have initiated and I get a lot of mail from men who write me initially. With OLD it's ok to initiate - it's not like a bar or party - send a wink or say "hey, I really enjoyed your profile, we seem to have quite a bit in common" love to hear from you.
Stephanie
Good luck!! :-)
Hi, I'm fifty and have been doing OLD for about four months. I have not had a lot of dates, but I have found the experience interesting.
In my own case, I have had better luck with guys who contacted me than vice-versa. This is despite the fact that initially I contacted more guys than contacted me. In my first couple of months I found it very discouraging that several guys I contacted seemed interested and ready to meet but then disappeared. However, the one guy who actually made a date to meet and then cancelled at the last minute was a guy who had contacted me first--so it wasn't just the guys I contacted who disappeared. (It seems to be a common OLD phenomenon.)
Of the guys who I have actually met in person (a total of six), five made the first contact, and the one that I had contacted first was the most disappointing. My feeling about the experience so far has been that when you contact the guy first he doesn't think he needs to try as hard to "court" you. But it may actually depend on the part of the country you are in (I'm in the South) or some other factor that applies only to me and/or the kind of guy I contact.
I see nothing wrong with contacting a guy first and I will continue to do so when it seems a good idea. But my experience has been that the guys who contact me are a better bet for actually meeting and going out.
Elsa
That makes sense to me, Golightly. If I didn't have my picture up, I'd do the same thing. I've had some hesitation about having my picture posted (people I work with might see it!) but I've accepted it as a necessary evil. Because of my age and because I describe myself as having "a few extra pounds" I think I wouldn't have a lot of positive responses without my picture, because a lot of guys would be afraid I'd turn out to be very unattractive.
My take on this is that the success/lack of success with initiating will depend largely on individuals. And even though I have had best results with guys who contacted me first, I am still contacting guys when they interest me. Who knows, I might meet a really nice guy that way.
Elsa