Women-what is your success w/initiating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Women-what is your success w/initiating?
10
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 11:29pm
I just joined Yahoo Personals last Saturday. I have only received 2 emails so far and am a little disappointed. I was wondering that if I expect any activity, that I may have to initiate myself. I was just wondering if women have had success being the initiators? I am 52, reasonably attractive but with two children at home part-time (could be a turnoff for a lot of men, I think).
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 12:30am

Normally, I'm just not the kind of gal who enjoys making first contact with a guy even if I'm interested in his profile..I guess I'm a little old fashioned that way. When I post a profile (in the past) I've hoped that the object of my interest would write me first. If after a few days he didn't (and I've only done this two times now) I sent a brief introductory email.

In both cases, I heard back. Most recently, the guy I met on Match this week. I initiated contact (thinking he was maybe out of my league) and he actually turned out to be a really nice guy. We've gone out twice this week, and seem to have really good chemistry. I have a good feeling aobut this one. :)

So my advice? Don't sit back and wait for life to happen...sometimes you have to seize your opportunity. If you wait too long, that profile you've been admiring might disappear and you'll be left wondering why you didn't do something sooner!

Oh, and just a little footnote: The guy I met this week was also on Yahoo personals a while back, but I was reluctant to write him then too. Know why? because according to their "Personality matching" system, we were a poor fit. So I guess what I'm saying is, don't let that be the judge. You really won't know until you meet in person.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 1:30am

I'm 53 and when I look for women, the part time children at home (or even full time) thing does not deter me. I see my non-custodial children every weekend so that means there is more understanding about the challenges of sharing time.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2006
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 8:13am

I am very shy, and that is the main reason I have not had much luck on the Yahoo site...mainly because my profile is unsearchable and therefore I have to make the first contact with someone. I know it's stupid, but I don't want anyone I know at work to find out I'm out there looking on a personals site. But, that's my problem.

Now, that being said, there have been a few times I have made my profile searchable and have had several men contact me. I've dated two different men for a brief period, and met several men just one time. But so far, no big success stories.

What I have noticed is that since I initially started with the personals site (about a year and a half ago), I am still seeing the same men on the sites. So, they are not having much luck either.

I don't see anything wrong with you making the first contact, I think men can be as shy as we are and feel flattered if a woman contacts them.

One thing I've noticed is that a lot of men in my age group (I'm 61) and up, are looking for women who are no older than 45! But, then, it's their choice.

I am very happy when I hear of anyone who ends up with a wonderful relationship, and it does happen!

Funny thing about me being so shy....I just heard the other day about one of my coworkers who is getting married to a woman he met online...and no one laughed at him.

I wish you all the best!!! Keep us updated.

Katie

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 12:03pm

Almost all the men I've dated for any length of time from OLD have been men I approached rather than the other way around.

So, I would definitely say I've had much better success with initiating contact than with waiting for guys to contact me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 12:13pm

Hello,


I have initiated and I get a lot of mail from men who write me initially. With OLD it's ok to initiate - it's not like a bar or party - send a wink or say "hey, I really enjoyed your profile, we seem to have quite a bit in common" love to hear from you.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 2:51pm
I winked at my guy on Match back in March. We emailed, spoke on the phone and went out for dinner. We have been together ever since! I am a 42 year old single Mom. However, I have had some very bad experiences with online dating. But, that is going to happen in real life or online. It has taken me 4 years to find someone decent. They ARE out there, it just takes time to weed out the bad ones!
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2006
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 3:10pm
Oh, you can definitely make the first move. Sometimes for whatever reason, coming across a good profile in the sea of profiles is difficult. Most of the time all it takes is sending a "wink" or "flirt" (each dating site calls it something different) for him to notice you more. Then the guy sees that you are interested; if he is interested then he will usually reply to the wink within a couple days. Also, some people aren't online everyday. So, don't judge OLD by only 2 days online. Don't worry for a minute about finding a man who will date someone with kids. There are so many men online with kids themselves, and certainly at your age. My Father actually tried match.com (he's a widow) last month, and he's your age. There are wonderful people your age online with kids!!
Good luck!! :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 9:13am

Hi, I'm fifty and have been doing OLD for about four months. I have not had a lot of dates, but I have found the experience interesting.

In my own case, I have had better luck with guys who contacted me than vice-versa. This is despite the fact that initially I contacted more guys than contacted me. In my first couple of months I found it very discouraging that several guys I contacted seemed interested and ready to meet but then disappeared. However, the one guy who actually made a date to meet and then cancelled at the last minute was a guy who had contacted me first--so it wasn't just the guys I contacted who disappeared. (It seems to be a common OLD phenomenon.)

Of the guys who I have actually met in person (a total of six), five made the first contact, and the one that I had contacted first was the most disappointing. My feeling about the experience so far has been that when you contact the guy first he doesn't think he needs to try as hard to "court" you. But it may actually depend on the part of the country you are in (I'm in the South) or some other factor that applies only to me and/or the kind of guy I contact.

I see nothing wrong with contacting a guy first and I will continue to do so when it seems a good idea. But my experience has been that the guys who contact me are a better bet for actually meeting and going out.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 2:04pm
I prefer to contact guys first. I don't have a primary picture up so I get very few people contacting me. I prefer it this way though because I feel I get better quality matches, instead of being distracted by those I'm probably not interested in. I'm serious about meeting someone and don't want to go on lots of dates just to meet people. If I try much at all, the guys usually write me back. There just aren't very many people I'm interested in on the web period, but if they're serious minded like me, they might actually be interested in what I have to say. So not having a primary picture up and doing the contacting first has worked pretty well for me so far.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 10:19am

That makes sense to me, Golightly. If I didn't have my picture up, I'd do the same thing. I've had some hesitation about having my picture posted (people I work with might see it!) but I've accepted it as a necessary evil. Because of my age and because I describe myself as having "a few extra pounds" I think I wouldn't have a lot of positive responses without my picture, because a lot of guys would be afraid I'd turn out to be very unattractive.

My take on this is that the success/lack of success with initiating will depend largely on individuals. And even though I have had best results with guys who contacted me first, I am still contacting guys when they interest me. Who knows, I might meet a really nice guy that way.

Elsa