This would make me not read any further...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2012
This would make me not read any further...
8
Sat, 06-09-2012 - 10:53pm

Hi everyone,

I'm not quite ready to date but I like peeking at the OLD sites to see what's out there.  I was just on POF and it just amazes me the guys who start their profile with sentences such as, "My daughter is my world", "My son is my #1 priority and will always come first", "I spend all my free time with my kids", etc. etc.  I mean, it's great these guys are such devoted fathers and I'm sure if I had a child he or she would be MY #1 priority but to just throw it in someone's face like that on a dating site, in the first sentence no less, totally turns me off.  Not only does it sound defensive it's like stating, "Hello potential partner.  Just to let you know upfront you will never be #1 in my life, you will never be my priority, and you may only get a crumb of my free time here and there." 

It's too bad because some of these are probably good guys but like I said I dont' read any further when I read that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Mon, 06-11-2012 - 1:22am
I am a single mother myself, and the few single dads I dated after my divorce never got off the ground because they were all like this. I got sick of it fast. One would cancel on me at the last minute simply because his DD didn't want him to go (he lived with his parents so they would watch her when we went out). Really!? Who is the parent here? My DD was four when her dad and I split up, and it never kept me from dating. I went when she was with her dad or I found a sitter. She doesn't run the show and she's a really great kid for it. Kids do not turn out so well when the world revolves around them IMO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2012
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 12:57pm

Hi Musiclover12, you know that's a good point, maybe they ARE trying to attract single mothers. and are perhaps trying to show they are a devoted dad.  But you are right, how could you date when you spend all your free time with your kids (yes, some guy wrote exactly that on his profile!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 12:05pm

i hope u all don't mind but i'm gonna throw in another pet peeve of mine when it comes to online dating..and that is guys who are more than old enough to live on their own but for whatever reason STILL live @ home..i was in a relationship with 2 guys(obviously not at the same time..lol),who lived @ home and while i tried my best to understand, i just couldn't..unless ur place burnt down or you are caring for someone who's terminally ill there is NO reason for a grown man to be living @ home..just sayin'..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 11:22am

I think it's hard for someone who doesn't have kids (& esp. if they don't want them) to date someone who has kids--it's hard to understand that up to a certain point, when the kids are little, the kids do have to come first.  What kind of person would neglect their kids for their own selfish needs?  When I first got divorced, my kids were little so anyone I dated would have to understand that I could only date on the nights that my ex was taking care of my kids--luckily he took them 2-3 nights a week.  And I was dating a single father (widower) who basically had his DD 6 days a week, so if I didn't have kids, I wouldn't have been so understanding of that.  So I think it's just better if you go out w/ guys who have no kids.

Personally I just don't think these guy are really spending all their free time w/ their kids, though.  I think they want to attract single moms and they think this is what they should say to show they are responsible dads.  In reality, they might actually be seeing their kids every other Sat.  But I think it's a good question to ask--if you spend all your free time w/ your kids, how would you be able to date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2012
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 8:51am

Sooooooo true xxxs!  These people are creepy, it's like why are you even here???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2012
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 8:50am

Whew, how nice ot see I am not the only one who sees this!  I was getting so disgusted by these profiles.  I mean what's wrong with, " I enjoy spending time with daughter," or "I like going to baseball games with my son," something that makes it clear yes, you have a child(ren) that you spend time with but you have room for others in your life!

But frankly, when you wrote:

personally if i was going to get involved with a guy i would prefer one that didn't have kids..no offense to children but considering i don't have any and don't plan on having any, i just think it would make things easier..

I so agree with you on that!!!!!!  That is me through and through.  I like kids but don't want my own, a decision I am very content with.  And you're right, it does make things easier.  I've known so many people who regretted dating someone with kids, epsecially someone who did not want their own in the first place.  One of them said "It's like you get all of the responsibilities and none of the good stuff of having a child."  And sometimes adult "kids" are even worse, so it doesn't always get better when they are grown!

I don't know about POF...lot of oddities on there.  Lot of married people, yikes!  (Then of course there are the ones who don't have kids but want them...pass.)

Like I said, I am not quite ready to date, but this doesn't exactly want to make me jump in anytime soon, LOL!!!

 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 12:13am

Believe them! they are telling the truth.  Some people are so into "SUPER DAD"!  They have no space for anyone.  When you come across these ads MOVE ON!!!!  Thank what ever diety saved you from a fate worse than death!  RUN away now or Run away later in heartbreak!!!!!!

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 12:05am

Hi there fyreandiyce..i agree with you 100%!..as much as i commend these dads for stepping up and being fathers instead of just sperm donors, it does make one wonder if a single dad DID decide to get involved with someone, how much time would be able/willing to make for a relationship..i live by a saying and it's this..don't make someone a priority in your life when you're only an option in theirs"..i've been on POF a few times but i can't say i'm gonna go back on it..granted i'm sure there ARE some decent guys on there but the jerks,liars,cheaters and all around idiots make it really hard to find the really GOOD ones..personally if i was going to get involved with a guy i would prefer one that didn't have kids..no offense to children but considering i don't have any and don't plan on having any, i just think it would make things easier..