Would you call the day after sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Would you call the day after sex?
40
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 4:37pm

Would you absolutely make sure that you would call within 24 hours, and not wait until the following day to call? Even if it turned out that you weren't that interested in the other person? Would it make a difference if the sex was bad or good?
To me, waiting two days is too long - I like to hear from the other person the very next day - I sort of feel its at least courteous.
Please note: I don't really want to get into a discussion about whether or not to have sex outside of a long term committed relationship. I'm just wondering if you think it's common courtesy for the guy to at least call the girl the day after, regardless of whether it's good or bad. I just sort of feel that 2 days is being a jerk, especially if the guy is just putsing around the next day - I mean, at least take 5 frekin minutes out of your day to give a courtesy call.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 4:47pm
I'm not a guy, but I agree with you. A quick call to say hi isn't going to hurt anyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 4:51pm

I think that a call should absolutely be made the next day, regardless of whether or not the sex was good. Two days is callous and unforgivable if the guy (which I think is who should be doing any calling) wants to see the girl again. If a guy made me wait two days or more id really start to rethink his motives. I really think that if he is into her, he won't even hesitate to pick up the phone. If hes playing some waiting game that is very childish and just plain mean. Sex changes everything, even if it was great sex, I think both parties would want to take stock of whats going on asap. Thats just my take on it.

GM

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 5:05pm

I am not going to be judgemental about at what point in a relationship you have sex (although inviting a complete stranger that you have been on one date with to sleep over is NOT a good idea). But on that note, I DO think it matters at what stage you are on HOW offended you should be. If you have been going out a few times and feel ready to move to the next step have sex (good or bad) and then don't hear from him, it is worse than if this is some guy you went out with once, had sex and then he doesn't call. Neither one is right on his part, but the second guy was probably looking for one thing and got it. Chances are he is blowing you off and moving to the next conquest. The first guy however has some explaining to do. If you felt like things were moving along and that something with potential was brewing and then all of a sudden sex comes into it and he bails, you have a right to know what is up.

It is a touchy subject but the thing is that often guys do not view sex the same way women do. Women tend to view it as a step to something else - commitment, love, etc. Guys tend to view it as sex.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 5:09pm
If you're tagging the guy and your relationship hasn't already crossed the point of where he is in regular contact with you then I submit you have a bigger problem. What I believe you've done is try to use sex to change the nature of the relationship. Does sex magically turn a guy considerate?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 5:28pm
I personally think if you have sex with someone, else it is a stated one-night stand, you should call the next day. To not, shows a total lack of regard to me and grounds for immediate dismissal. If a guy doesn't call me the day after, I'm pissed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 5:34pm

<<>>

Not that I really care, but WHAT in my post gave you this idea? Perhaps I'm not even speaking of my own experiences - who knows. Point is, maybe YOU do this, since you thought of it, but it is definitely quite a leap to make that assumption.

Let's try to stick to the simple question about 24 hours vs longer, without jumping too much into making other assumptions, k?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 5:39pm

I completely agree. I was having this discussion with a friend of mine today at work, who was sort of down about not having heard from the guy yet (and it's now 2+ days) and it feels good to have "backup support" on it.

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 5:50pm

I agree, too...he should absolutely call the next day. I always feel incredibly vulnerable after the first time with someone...if he cares about you he will call...that's my feeling. I'm sorry your friend is feeling bad...it's a lousy feeling, btdt.

Robyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 5:57pm

this is exactly what you MUST expect if you have sex without exclusivity. Trust me, I am no stranger to casual sex or even sex without 3 date min.... but I don't expect a guy to call the next day or even two days afterwards. WHY? because I just gave into an act I should be ok as CASUAL. You must must get thru your head or don't have sex before you are committed. There is NOTHING wrong with waiting for committment to have sex.

Emotionally women can't handle sex like men. I am an exception along with hand full of other women. But at the same time, I have to remind myself little things like that call - you absolutely can't expect when you have casual sex.

So no I dont think its bad on his part he didn't call. Right now hes stoked he got laid the night before and feels no need to call you. Its the raw truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 6:05pm
ITA, sg and lg. city gal, lg is not being mean - but it is a fact that many women (maybe not you) use sex as a way to get closer to a guy. They think if they sleep with him that he will fall in love with her or be more committed. Usually it doesn't happen for the reasons that sg has stated. Men just consider themselves lucky they got some. If they like the girl and want to see her again, they'll call. If they just wanted sex and don't feel very strongly about you, they will probably disappear. I don't like it but it happens because men are wired differently. You bet it sucks, but sg is completely right. This guy might have viewed it as casual sex and doesn't feel obligated to call back. If you want sex to mean something other than casual sex, wait until you have a commitment.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

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