Would you call the day after sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Would you call the day after sex?
40
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 4:37pm

Would you absolutely make sure that you would call within 24 hours, and not wait until the following day to call? Even if it turned out that you weren't that interested in the other person? Would it make a difference if the sex was bad or good?
To me, waiting two days is too long - I like to hear from the other person the very next day - I sort of feel its at least courteous.
Please note: I don't really want to get into a discussion about whether or not to have sex outside of a long term committed relationship. I'm just wondering if you think it's common courtesy for the guy to at least call the girl the day after, regardless of whether it's good or bad. I just sort of feel that 2 days is being a jerk, especially if the guy is just putsing around the next day - I mean, at least take 5 frekin minutes out of your day to give a courtesy call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 8:13pm
<<>>
I couldn't agree more!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 8:15pm

Maybe if men,no matter the level of commitment or exclusivity,weren't still capable of pulling a disappearing act AFTER they got some, we women wouldn't be checking for Signs of Life post sex. Yes a guy will say hes committed to you and he wants to be in a relationship then hightail it out of there after he got what he came for. I am not saying ALL men do that, but some men are very good at getting to that comfort level JUST for sex.

GM




Edited 3/1/2005 8:18 pm ET ET by gal_moonlight
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 8:23pm

Hi,

I do feel that a call is within the realm of good taste And caring. I don't think that 'long term' here makes a difference in that. I slept with a man after 9 weeks of dating, I did not rush into anything...the big shock of my life was not only Not getting a call the next day, but the day after we had sex was the First day he had been back on Match, in over 3 weeks! I did not look, but a friend, who felt he was Not who I hoped he was, checked...there he was. Ouch, man, I was SO sad....Did that mean not only did it not mean anything to him, it Must not have been that memorable?

Come to find out that he is the "Fling Man" in a great book you should read called "The Commitment Cure"--it is him to a "T"-- they never get attached to Anyone. Maybe this guy is the same, and that is How they do it...detach asap.

Sad, because it hurts you.

Ding...next?

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 8:34pm

Maybe women shouldn't believe all they hear. If your concerned over being dumped after sex, perhaps you should hold out.

Edited: I mean 'you' as in women, not as in gal_moonlight.




Edited 3/1/2005 8:37 pm ET ET by johnandhisdog
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 9:00pm

Cupcake said:
I slept with a man after 9 weeks of dating, I did not rush into anything...the big shock of my life was not only Not getting a call the next day, but the day after we had sex was the First day he had been back on Match, in over 3 weeks! I did not look, but a friend, who felt he was Not who I hoped he was, checked...there he was. Ouch, man, I was SO sad....Did that mean not only did it not mean anything to him, it Must not have been that memorable?

I had the same thing happen to me. I was dating a man for 6 weeks before we were intimate. We saw each other twice weekly, emailed all day and he even said things to me like 'I feel like I could fall for you' and 'I think we have potential for something special'. After out first time being intimate he didn't call until the 2nd day after. I was disappointed but shrugged it off. Needless to say, he suddenly lost interest only 3 weeks after.

Unfortunately, you don't always find out how genuine someone is until you see how they act after sex. Not that I'd make that a prerequisite, but you live and learn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 9:26pm

lol i knew u didnt mean me John :) even without the edit..

I dated a guy for over two and a half months and we had the talk and we went out every single friday till he got some, then Poof!! This guy even introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend. Turns out much later that he was great at keeping his indiscretions to himself and only his roommate knew that I was just his "friday girl". Took him 2 weeks to call me, but I had already cut my losses and I never called him back to hear his lame excuse. That was the end, and he didnt even call again to see if maybe I didn't get his message. Time has no bearing on what will happen after sex. People Lie..thats the one certainty and no amount of holding out will prevent this from happening.

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 10:00pm
independence day :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 10:04pm
ohhh, my gosh....WOULD you call!?!?!? I glanced and thought it said WHAT would you call the day after sex!?!??! Sorry, I'm such a dork, sometimes....(only sometimes).... lol:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 11:49pm

With some guys, it's all about the win.

Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 1:16am

Hi Cupcake,

You said, "...I slept with a man after 9 weeks of dating, I did not rush into anything...the big shock of my life was not only Not getting a call the next day, but the day after we had sex was the First day he had been back on Match, in over 3 weeks! I did not look, but a friend, who felt he was Not who I hoped he was, checked...there he was. Ouch, man, I was SO sad....Did that mean not only did it not mean anything to him, it Must not have been that memorable?..."

There are men who have one goal only and that is to sleep with the lady and they do the romantic stuff to get us to that point, then when we eventually give up the goods, they drop us flat without looking back at all. You called it the "Fling Man" and I agree with you.

I don't understand how they can act so caring and that, then once they have sex just detach and you never hear from them again...very strange men. I believe for them that it's like achieving a well sought after prize (and is not like a real person to them at all), and that once it is captured, has no meaning to them anymore. It's the "process" of achieving that motivates them and everything they do is an act to get what they want.

They are very shallow people and I'm sure you are a very memorable person and it was his issue and nothing to do with you or your performance whatsoever. I don't think that type of guy is capable of understanding the hurt they inflict on their victims, yes I say victims because the women have no idea of the true personality of these men because they are very crafty and believable and have perfected the art of being romantic...yes very sad.

On the calling issue after first time sex, yes I think it would be nice to get a call, yet if it's casual and both partners are aware of that going into it, which I think both would be, then I don't feel a call is really necessary and would be rather akward actually. JMO.

Sunshine