Would you ever date a guy that was bi?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Would you ever date a guy that was bi?
10
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 10:14pm

I was surfing around CL last night, and came upon this guy's profile. I thought he was cute, and sounded like we would have a lot in common. As I got to the bottom of the profile, I saw that it said, "The first question that one would ask is "why is this person single" sigh... well I'm bisexual. I do not lie about it I'm too honest of a person to let that go. But because I'm bi does not mean I cheat. cheating is a character flaw not a sexuality." He goes on to say that he's looking for women only.

So, I was intrigued enough to write him, and I asked simply why, if he was bi, he wanted to limit himself to looking for women only, and his response was, "mostly i would
say its because i would really like to have a "normal" life. as bad as that sounds against gays im sorry but i would like someone to start a stable life with and i
have a hard time finding a stable long term gay relationship. another reason would be that its a lot easier to find guys to date then girls so the only way im going to find a sane lady to date is to narrow the search. i have had lots of good hits of guys messaging me on CL but im just not interested in getting back into that "scene". i really don't belive im limiting myself to woman. i belive im limiting myself and giving myself to one
person. and thats no less then i have always done."

So we started e-mailing back and forth today, and that led to a 4 hour conversation tonight. We got along really well, and have a lot in common (we even both work in Property Management!), and have a date planned for Thursday night.

I'm completely open-minded, and two of my best friends are bi as well (one male and one female), I just never thought that I would need to decide if I would be OK dating someone who is. It's not something that ever crossed my mind, so I'm not sure how I feel about it.

What are your thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 2:33am
For ME, no. I couldnt chance it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 9:12am

The reasons he gives for narrowing himself to women make me a little uncomfortable. This is a guy who is NOT as comfortable with his bi-sexuality as he tries to seem.

It bothers me that this guy says he is choosing to date women because it is more "normal" and "easier." Neither of these sound to me like reasons that reflect being comfortable with himself. It sounds like he is judging his homosexual side as "not normal" (or at least, not socially acceptable) and he may feel that he is "settling" for a heterosexual life. I don't know.

I had a good friend for many years who was "bi" and who had decided to make a life with a lesbian partner because she felt that another woman was a better domestic partner than men. I know a couple (not well, but I know them) where the man is "bi" but he chose a woman and marriage because the woman in question was, as he put it, "his best friend" and he "finds no greater turn on." (This guy dated both men and women until he decided to commit to this woman.) Both of these couples involve a choice of commitment to only one partner, but I am more comfortable with the reasons they give for it than your guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 9:50am
I hope that is just a hypothetical question and not something you are seriously considering. First, most men that are truly bi don't announce it -- it sounds like he's openly gay but trying to fit into society a little better by dating women. But those types of relationships never last -- people always go back to their true inclination, sometimes years later after marriage and kids. More importantly, did you know that sex with a bi man is the number one transmittor of HIV from men to women? That is just a statistic; you can look it up if you want. I can't imagine why a woman would be so desperate as to date a man who tells you he is attracted to other men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:09am
Well i hate to say it, but no i couldnt date a man who swings both ways. I want someone first who only wants a woman...then I want someone who only wants me. It would just weird me out to think that not only do they think of other women, but they think of other men too. I also agree about the eaiser spread of HIV amongst men to each other...just too many worries. I'd rather be alone than deal with all that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:50am

To each their own; however, I wouldn't be able to date someone who is bi. I'm looking for someone long term. For me personally, I view being bi as being unstable simply because they fancy both sexes. In a way it seems indecisive. I have trouble linking that concept with monogomous (sp?) relationship. I have nothing against homosexuals or bisexuals, I just wouldn't date one myself. His email does sound like he may be trying to move away from being gay, but I could very well be very wrong!

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 12:06pm
yeah, the guy just sounds very confused...what a horrible situation to be in, not knowing what sex you fancy as a grown adult...maybe he'll find someone who will understand him. Unfortunately I could not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 3:28pm
Personally I wouldn't go there but that's just the way I feel. I would question all the time if the guy was actually attracted to me or just confused. I would wonder if he was just with me because he wanted to appease the people around him and in society other than wanting to actually be with me because he truley loved me and was attracted to me. He did also say he wanted to lead a "normal life" which was kind of a weak reason if you ask me. But everyone has different opinions as you know and it's totally up to you as to if you think this is going to make you happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 5:23pm

You know, I think it's less about him being bi and more about the reasons he gave you. My best friend is a bisexual male and he has had long-term, stable relationships with both men and women. I don't think his eye wanders any more than any other guy you could be dating (he's never cheated on a bf/gf to my knowledge) and, from my understanding, it's not that he's "undecided," it's that he is honestly attracted to both some men and some women, depending on their personalities/other qualities. I would probably discuss the issue a bit more with this particular guy because he doesn't sound comfortable with his sexuality at all, which could lead to a lot of pain later on if you were to pursue a relationship.

Also, while it may be true that bisexual men are more likely to spread AIDS, not all bisexual men are going around having unsafe sex and failing to get regularly tested for STDs. There are responsible people and irresponsible people no matter what sexuality they identify with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 8:03pm
If I dated a bi-guy, with my luck, I would be the woman who ended up turning him permanently gay. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 10:34pm
I don't think I could date someone that was attracted to men either. I would also wonder from his message if its a more subtle version of the 50's gay man getting married and having a family for appearances sake while secretly yearning for another man.