Would you meet this man?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Would you meet this man?
28
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 6:00pm

First of all, let me clarify that I have never dated someone who is not divorced.....separation is usually a dealbreaker for me.

This situation is a bit different.

I received an email from a man who told me he saw my profile and was interested. He, also, told me that he would HONESTLY answer any questions I have. I wrote back and asked him what he meant by that and if he was truly divorced. He said that they are in the process of divorcing.

This is what he told me:
-His wife has dealt with depression, sought medical help in 2001 to no avail and finally left him to return to Ireland in October 2003. He went to Ireland 3 times to try to get her to come back (from October 2003-October 2004). She would not come back. He was left to raise their now 5 year old son. He said that he has no feelings left for her and is ready to move on.

Do you think it's a big risk to meet this man?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 6:13pm

Do you think it's a big risk to meet this man?

Yes I do. I think he is lying, and if you bothered to have contact with him it would eventually come out (and this could take months or even a year) that he is married, (albeit looking for some action on the side) and she is living with him.

R.I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 6:15pm
Yes. It's always a risk. One of the things I looked for is "who left who?" Since she left him (for whatever reason), he could still be pining for her. That's not to say that he can't start another relationship, but I would proceed with caution. And they have a child together as well.
hello
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 7:09pm

I don't know that it's a risk to meet him and find out more about him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 7:25pm

No I was not using his exact words........

This is what he said:
"But,it is truly over between her and I. I do not have any feelings for her, whatso ever."

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 7:34pm

I don't believe in the 1 year rule.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 7:38pm

What!!! That is such a rash "yes", she should at least talk with him and feel it out. That's horrible, I would hate to think a man wouldn't want to date me b/c my son and his father are seperated. When you have a child legally (at least in my state) you have to be seperated one full year before divorce precedings can even begin.....


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 7:52pm
I thought that was pretty *rash* myself. I did tell this man my feelings about not dating someone who isn't completely divorced. He was very understanding and said that I should let him know, if for some reason I change my mind. He truly seems sincere. He sent me photos of him and his son, too, but doesn't feel comfortable posting them online. I guess that's a bit of a red flag, too. But some people do feel strange about that type of thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 7:55pm

If all he has are pictures with his son in them, that makes sense why he wouldn't want to put them up.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 8:03pm
He had two photos of him and two of his child.....I tend to believe his story, but am nervous about it just the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 8:20pm

Divorce can take a really long time, and I was ready to move on long before it was finalized. I dated while separated. For the record, my ex husband was CLEARLY ready to move on, because he dated his new wife the whole time that we were in the process of getting divorced. They married the second the divorce was final, and they now have a child together.

Divorce in process is a red flag but not a deal-breaker for me. I usually wait to find out more about the situation...you can usually tell once you get to know them. When you think about it, anyone could be hiding something at any time.

Good luck!

P.S....I'd meet him

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