Would you meet this man?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Would you meet this man?
28
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 6:00pm

First of all, let me clarify that I have never dated someone who is not divorced.....separation is usually a dealbreaker for me.

This situation is a bit different.

I received an email from a man who told me he saw my profile and was interested. He, also, told me that he would HONESTLY answer any questions I have. I wrote back and asked him what he meant by that and if he was truly divorced. He said that they are in the process of divorcing.

This is what he told me:
-His wife has dealt with depression, sought medical help in 2001 to no avail and finally left him to return to Ireland in October 2003. He went to Ireland 3 times to try to get her to come back (from October 2003-October 2004). She would not come back. He was left to raise their now 5 year old son. He said that he has no feelings left for her and is ready to move on.

Do you think it's a big risk to meet this man?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 8:58pm

If he lied in his profile about being divorced (which your post implies but doesn't state), then that would be a dealbreaker for me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 9:01pm
Yes, Sheri....that has bothered me as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 9:03pm
Juuuuussst food for thought....once I was in divorce proceedings and had happily removed my ring, I considered myself divorced, and told people that I was...I felt divorced.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 10:59pm

I said I was separated if it came up, but I hate making the distinction now.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 11:39pm

I understand what you're saying but to me there is no good reason to lie in one's profile. I would not be able to trust someone who chose to do so.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 12:07am
I suspect the guy knew that putting "separated" in his profile would limit his options. Besides people lie on their profiles all the time. I give him credit for clearing it up right away.
I would probably pass on this one though...even if he's ready to move on, one of these days that woman will be back and it won't be pretty.
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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 12:15am

Ya think???? Of course that's why he did it...that's NO excuse, and no, he gets no "credit" in my book...the guy lied, period.

I mean, heck, I'm sure I'd get more winks and emails if I said I were 37 in my profile rather than 47, so I should lie because "everyone does it"? Only if I were a liar and dishonest in the first place would that rationale make sense to me.

I'm so tired of liars justifying their lies. I'm sorry to rant...this is a hot button topic for me. It's just out of control in our society and I'm sick to death of it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 6:29am

Yes, I agree.....I am naturally pretty open and honest and honesty has always been a big deal breaker in relationships for me, any type of relationship.

I found it interesting that he would lie on his profile but tell me in his email that he would answer any question HONESTLY. Sort of a contradiction.

Pass...Pass...pass again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 12:39pm

I have to go with Sheri on this one. Someone on this board once said to me, "Big lie, little lie" and that has stuck with me. You don't want to start a relationship out with a lie - that doesn't bode well for the future. And...even if he DIDN'T lie on his profile I, personally, do not date separated people for 2 reasons:

1. They are most likely NOT ready for a relationship even though they may think they are.
2. There is always the chance that he will reconcile with his wife.

I'm not judging here - these are just my own personal rules and they have served me well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 4:04pm

Sheri; I've done it - and I am more than trustworthy. I have been separated for 4 1/2 years; I live in a different country from my ex-husband and have done all that I can do to get divorced - all I need is for him to sign the papers. I think to say that I am just 'separated' is not as close to reality as stating that I am divorced. It's not always black and white.

To the OP: I would give this guy a shot. Why not? If he's untrustworthy, you'll find out soon enough - don't let him go on a technicality, wait for some more substantiative evidence.

Coolas