Would you meet this man?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Would you meet this man?
28
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 6:00pm

First of all, let me clarify that I have never dated someone who is not divorced.....separation is usually a dealbreaker for me.

This situation is a bit different.

I received an email from a man who told me he saw my profile and was interested. He, also, told me that he would HONESTLY answer any questions I have. I wrote back and asked him what he meant by that and if he was truly divorced. He said that they are in the process of divorcing.

This is what he told me:
-His wife has dealt with depression, sought medical help in 2001 to no avail and finally left him to return to Ireland in October 2003. He went to Ireland 3 times to try to get her to come back (from October 2003-October 2004). She would not come back. He was left to raise their now 5 year old son. He said that he has no feelings left for her and is ready to move on.

Do you think it's a big risk to meet this man?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 9:17pm
I lie about where I live in my profile....I had a scary incident with a date, & from then on, I changed my profile. I clear it up early if I think that things are going somewhere with someone, and it has never been a problem (that I'm aware of). I'm not trying to defend his lying, but he might feel like he is divorced, and doesn't want to put down "separated" because it would limit his options. It would be okay with me, but of course, everyone has to judge for themselves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 2:51am

>I'm so tired of liars justifying their lies.

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE!!!!!

"A person who lies about small matters cannot be trusted with important ones"

>Do you think it's a big risk to meet this man?

Haven't you been reading about other people's experiences? It's a risk meeting anyone, especially from OLD. Very few people are who they say they are.

>He, also, told me that he would HONESTLY answer any questions I have.

Really? So all the people who have lied to you before actually told you they were lying to start with!? Usually only liars need to reinforce the fact that they are being HONEST. I don't understand why anyone would need to specify it. Makes you wonder why his wife left him doesn't it?

"This will be the LAST time honey, I PROMISE"....etc..etc...etc...

>He went to Ireland 3 times to try to get her to come back

If this is true then he won't be "over" her yet. He is looking for a quick fix. Why can't he just wait until he *IS* divorced before starting something new? This is a RED FLAG to me because you may get dragged into something ugly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 4:56am

I totally agree with you too Hal 9000

His wife is dealing with depression.
Depression usually has 2 origins A) Genetic Predisposition B)Environmental
So whilst we dont know if the reason is A or B. be careful.
That she is depressed and has gone back to ireland is a red flag and dude is opaque about his marital status as well.

Its more logical that a person will leave a person or circumstance that is either causing or making their depression worse.

I know at least 2 men whose first wives were depressed and all subsequent girlfriends or wives ended up with sadness issues (quite telling)

Is he truly planning on divorcing or is he laying foundation for having his wife in the picture while he dates freely.
supposing he is not altogether innocent of the aetiology of his wifes depression

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 5:22am
Hal, if you had read my previous posts you would have seen that I haven already told him that I'm not interested for all the reasons stated. I am not naive. I thought this would interesting to debate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 5:24am

::::I know at least 2 men whose first wives were depressed and all subsequent girlfriends or wives ended up with sadness issues (quite telling)::::

So true from my experiences....my last SO was depressed and it really affected me....one of the reasons I got out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 6:19am
I wouldn't meet him until he is divorced, it could all be a big story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 6:22am

What seems even shadier is she's out of the country, if she went back to Ireland to take care of a dying family member you wouldn't know either, she could have went back there to take care of someone just two weeks ago left her son there due too school issues and will be back in 6 months and hubby wants to "play" while she's gone.

Too risky in my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 9:05am
In my mind "limiting his options" means that he's willing to bend the truth to suit his wishes and needs. The truth is the truth. The fact that he lied on his profile would be the dealbraker, not the fact that he's currently separated.

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