Would you use eHarmony again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Would you use eHarmony again?
23
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:52am

Would you use eHarmony again?



  • Yes - I liked it a lot
  • Maybe - it was so-so
  • No - it was terrible


You will be able to change your vote.


AJ, enjoying life with C.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:54am

I have done OLD before, but I have never done eHarmony.

It looks like they lowered their prices, so they're now more in line with Match and Yahoo. I did the free profile, and I am now considering joining. However, I'd like to hear your feedback - good or bad - before I do join. Any comments are appreciated.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:57am
Most of my matches lived too far away to consider. I have ended up with a good friend, although he lives in Oklahoma. However, I know 3 people that met their spouses on Eharmony.
One was a recent college grad (not sure what age range you are) and two were ladies that had been widowed. So, you just never know.
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:02am

I met my fiance through eHarmony (we're in our late 20s.) The only thing that made me leery was the cost, but I decided it was worth it, and nearly all the matches I got were closer to what I wanted than what I'd been getting on Lavalife. If you're looking for a committed relationship, I'd say give it a try, especially if the price has come down.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:23am

E-harmony may be okay for younger people or for people who are willing to subscribe for a couple of years in wait for the "perfect match." But my experience was that I got very few matches and that only two were really what I am looking for. (Those two, alas, did not feel the same about me--they closed the matches before we got through the first round of questions.)

When I say I didn't get good matches, I mean things like I got matched with a minister even though I am practically an atheist ("spiritual but not religious"), I was also matched with several guys who kept talking about how important sports and/or the outdoors are for them (I hate sports and the outdoors), etc.

Another thing I hated is that you don't really get to know the person until you get to the open communications stage. Without a profile really describing the match in the early stages all you have is the controlled questions. One guy and I made it through the controlled communication stage (ve...ry...slow...ly) and then in open communication he had nothing to say. It was a waste of my time, since I like people who are articulate. A proper profile would have warned me that this guy was not a talker/writer.

But the real problem has been the lack of matches. My membership expires next month and I will not have met ANY guy through e-harmony in person. I only got to "open communication" with three guys, and not past two or three e-mails with any of them. Needless to say, I am not renewing my membership.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:49am

I used eHarmony for one month. I ended up going out with 2 different guys and am planning a date with a third (I'm 53 years old, female). I think the advantages are that people on eHarmony seem a little more serious about looking for a real relationship, and I did end up considering some guys that I would otherwise not have considered. Actually, I did that because I thought that maybe eHarmony's patented "matching" system might have something to it, but I concluded that it does not. I think it's mostly baloney. For example, i got matched with one guy and eHarmony sent me a message listing all the things this guy and I have in common, one of which was politics. I'm a dyed in the wool liberal. The guy was a far-right conservative. Yes, we are both interested in politics but hey-----doesn't anybody up there know that liberals and conservatives don't exactly get along these days?

On eHarmony you are not allowed to "browse" the listings. You only see the profiles of people that eHarmony has matched you with, based on the personality tests. This can be an advantage, if you don't like the idea of the whole world "browsing" your dating profile. Or it can be a disadvantage, if you prefer to pick your own matches. I've decided to take a break from eharmony and try something like Match for a while.

To give them some credit, though-----tomorrow I'm going on my fourth date with one of my matches, a 62 year old psychiatrist. I enjoy talking with him but I don't know how far this is going to go. We'll see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 8:39am

See I have a different opinion, I think eharmony is better for "older" people not younger people. Younger generation can have dating sites like match.com because they are really just pretty superficial anyhow. I haven't noticed any price changes in eharmony, they are still 49.95 everytime they renew on my credit card so if the OP knows the secret to getting the cheaper rates please let me in on it. They are always having sign on deals though.

Anyhow, online dating is always going to be a numbers game, you are always going to have to wade through a ton of bad ones to get to any good, I have over 400 people in my closed file and only about 40 open.

As far as you being matched with the minister, in your search criteria are you open to being matched with all religions or just atheists and spiritual and not religious people??? Because that's controlled by you. So if in your search criteria you said you were open to meeting all religions of course you were matched with someone with a different religious background.

As far as eharmonys matching system. They match by a point system. How you answered that gabillion test you took in the beginning, it's conceivable that the guy that loves sports still answered the same as you on a bunch of other questions. So while you don't love sports, you still may match up personality wise and thats why you were matched with him. He writes his own profile from there, they don't match from the written all about me page, they match you from the test you took at the beginning and the search criteria you select from which includes age range, distance (which is why I'm always baffled by people who say that the people they are matched with live too far away since THEY pick their own distance), religion, race, etc and so forth. The only difference is that they match you and you don't get to pick your own people by just putting in your zip code and reading around. Of course there are going to be people you aren't going to match with because just because Joe Blow and I have the same personality traits and would be a good match doesn't mean we are because he likes adventure diving off Beliz and I like sunning in St. Tropez...so you just close them it's not that big of a deal.

Also they have the fast track now where you can jump right into open communication if you are the instant gratification type and you don't like the slow process of the steps. Have you ever tried that??

I got a survey from them online about improving their site, I recommended a few things such as having your own line to add why you are closing someone or when someone closes you all the ones they give you sound like you are begging for them not to close you. Anyhow, it was good to rant to them my dislikes and one was the price.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 8:53am

Just an FYI though they don't match you on that.

They match you on 4 core traits: Emotional Temperament, Social Style, Cognitive Mode, Physicality, (within these 4 traits) the matches are then matched by how you answered selft concept, emotional status, energy: emotional, obstreperousness, passion: romatnic, then on character, kindness, dominance, sociability, autonomy, adaptability, intellect, curiosity, humor, artistic passion, energy: physical, passion: sexual, vitality and security, industry, appearance

Then they match on Vital Attributes: Relationship skills, Values and Beliefs and Key Experiences, again how you answered and how you prioritized in that questionairre, then they match from communication style, emotion management: anger, emotion management: mood, conflict resolution, spirituality, family goals, tradiitonalism, ambition, altruism, family background, family status and education.

No where in there do they match you according to your political views. While you may be a liberal and him a conservative, you must have matched in other areas that they do match you on. Then from there, you picked your range between age, distance, race, smoking, kids etc and they further matched you from there.

I'm thinking so while you may be a liberal and he may be a conservative, you still share a lot of the same personality and relationship skills that matched in their matching criteria because political beliefs is not one of their matching criterias.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 11:51am

I'm glad to know it works for some people. I can only speak for my own experience, but I don't claim that it is universal. ;)

It may be that e-harmony works better in some areas than others. Or it may be that I am a very difficult person to match. But in three months I was offered fewer than forty matches, and of those, only about ten were "possible." (That is, they had interests and values sufficiently similar to mine for me to think we might match.) Several of these "possible" never replied. Two that I found "possible" (indeed, attractive) rejected me, and I rejected a couple after some questions. I actually made it to the "open communications" stage with only three guys, I think. And I met no one in person. In two cases, the guy seemed to have difficulty expressing himself/exchanging e-mail. One pushed for phone contact too soon for my taste and I terminated the match because I didn't want to go to that stage before I knew more about him from e-mail or a more detailed profile. Another was outside my preferred geographical range (I had extended that as part of one of the things I could "control.") and made it clear that what he was looking for was someone who, after falling in love with him, would move to live in his city (about three hours away from where I live and work). Relocating was never something that I was willing to do. (I switched my preferences back to within the 60 mile range.)

Regarding the e-harmony matching system, I think that people's likes and dislikes need to be taken into account in matching. Whether the guys who love sports and are nearly inarticulate have a matching "personality" to mine or not, the fact remains that we would have little to do together or to talk about. The problem with matching me with a minister is not that I am not open to being matched with all religions. I am. But there is a difference between the lifestyle of a minister, who is obviously committed to a specific religion and someone like me, who is deliberately non-religious. Yes, we probably had similarities in personality, but the crucial difference in lifestyle was something else to consider. Personality isn't everything. Background, life-goals, etc. need to be taken into account also.

Regarding "fast-track," I tried asking for "fast-track" a couple of times, but these were cases where there was no response. My impression ended up being that e-harmony kept matching me with men who are inarticulate, who didn't want to speak in their own words.

The match.com set up is far from ideal, but I have had a lot more contacts through them and have actually met and gone out with a few guys. In terms of finding me a "soul mate" match has not been any better than e-harmony, but in terms of introducing me to a variety of men and letting me ease back into dating (my goal in doing OLD) it has been far better. Perhaps I have no soul mate. (And I really wasn't looking for one right now--I just got divorced and I want to take my time.) A few congenial dates are all that I ask of life at the moment.

Regarding price, I signed up on e-harmony with a special offer for new members through a promotion code that someone around here posted three months ago. I paid $60 for three months. My membership was due to expire this coming week, and the renewal rate I was being offered was $30 a month. Howevever, as a special deal, since I wasn't set up for automatic renewal, I was offered a $20 a month for three months (or maybe it was six?) if I renewed immediately. I suspect that so long as they see you willing to renew at a higher rate they aren't going to offer you any specials.

I cancelled my e-harmony membership last week. I was getting tired of the reminders about how my membership was going to expire and how I needed to pay them more money so they could continue their search for my soul mate. Since their matching had been so unproductive for me, I saw no reason to shell out more money.

However, as I said, it may work for other women with different requirements/expectations and/or in different parts of the country. (I'm in the South.) It just didn't work for me, and I am really glad I didn't pay more for it than I did.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:04pm

Regarding the e-harmony matching system, I think that people's likes and dislikes need to be taken into account in matching. Whether the guys who love sports and are nearly inarticulate have a matching "personality" to mine or not, the fact remains that we would have little to do together or to talk about. The problem with matching me with a minister is not that I am not open to being matched with all religions. I am. But there is a difference between the lifestyle of a minister, who is obviously committed to a specific religion and someone like me, who is deliberately non-religious. Yes, we probably had similarities in personality, but the crucial difference in lifestyle was something else to consider. Personality isn't everything. Background, life-goals, etc. need to be taken into account also.

****My only point was eharmony cannot go through each persons individual All about me section that you fill out afterwards and say "Oh we can't match him with her because this ones a minister and she's an atheist" they go on the points system of the personality test and then they go on your search criteria, therefore when you chose the different religions you left it open to be matched with him. It's not going to be a perfect system obviously it's a computer matching you. That's where the weeding out process comes in, why you get closed by some before you even talk to them, I think this is more frustrating because you "feel" the rejection whereas on match or yahoo you don't. Because if someone comes across your profile on match.com or yahoo and they aren't interested in you, they just move right along to the next person. But on eharmony you've been matched up and then they close you so then you KNOW this person isn't interested in you they aren't some random guy just skimming by your profile and you don't know. I just find most of the people who use it are more serious about finding a relationship.

Regarding "fast-track," I tried asking for "fast-track" a couple of times, but these were cases where there was no response. My impression ended up being that e-harmony kept matching me with men who are inarticulate, who didn't want to speak in their own words.

***Or maybe they just weren't interested

Regarding price, I signed up on e-harmony with a special offer for new members through a promotion code that someone around here posted three months ago. I paid $60 for three months. My membership was due to expire this coming week, and the renewal rate I was being offered was $30 a month. Howevever, as a special deal, since I wasn't set up for automatic renewal, I was offered a $20 a month for three months (or maybe it was six?) if I renewed immediately. I suspect that so long as they see you willing to renew at a higher rate they aren't going to offer you any specials.

****Yes you can't use those promotional codes when you are already a member, you have to get special ones for already existing members. Well there is an extend your membership offer on mine for 20 a month, but when you click on it, that's if you sign up for a 12 month deal or something like that which is really they nail for like 215 bucks right up front or something like that and it works out to be 20 a month in the end but I don't want to throw down that much money up front.

I agree with Sheri Online dating really is a numbers game, I mean I have over 400 closed people in my file, it's crazy, some closed by me, some closed by the men. I feel a bit safer on eharmony that my picture isn't floating around for anyone to see, that they don't have my email address or anything like that. It's just a different vibe I get from the class of men on there then on the other sites. I guess that's why I like it. It's certainly not perfect. But I'm not a huge fan of online dating anyhow, I do much better in the real world meeting men out and about better than I ever do online. You can't guage someones personality from a 1 page profile and unfortunately, my personality is really what draws people to me. I do the online dating because I find it's a necessary evil in the world. LOL

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 11:34pm
Thanks for the info! Regarding the distance problem (you said in one post that you were baffled that people complain that their matches are too far away, since they specify the distance they are willing to accept)-----I think the problem is how distance is measured. I live in the New York area, for example, where there are many bodies of water and many bridges. eHarmony sometimes matched me with people in Connecticut, which is actually not far as the crow flies. If I could fly over the Long Island Sound it would indeed be within my travelling distance. However if the crow has to take the Long Island Expressway it's a different story altogether! Some of my matches were in New Jersey which, again, is not far geographically, but it involves going over several bridges. The odds of getting stuck in the traffic jam from hell increase directly with the number of bridges you cross in these parts. So this might help explain why people complain that their matches are too far away, when they must be within the radius they themselves have specified.

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