Would you/Could you/Should you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Would you/Could you/Should you?
8
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 1:56pm

I am curious to know (especially with all the online dating people do today)

Would you ever hire an investigator or have a background check done on someone you were dating? What would convince you to do it Do you think it is an invasion of privacy or justifiable?

If you ever hired an investigator or had a background check done on someone you were dating, what made you think you needed to? What did you find out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 2:10pm
I would never hire someone to investigate other. I have had a police officer friend of mine run a license plate on someone before, but only asked for the persons full name and town, no other info needed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 5:16pm

I would

The best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour.

For instance If I find out that somebody has too many parking fines I would not date them reason being, that type of behaviour tends to lend itself to the belief that rules made for the smooth running of soceity, can be contravened at will. And amount to nothing but an irritant and an inconvenience and I dont want to be around anybody with that way of thinking.

There are chameleons out there, and to make sure my Physical, Emotional and financial wellbeing remains intact, I want to know not only who I am entangling myself with, but also who they have been prior to my entrance into their affairs.

They are also free to do same with regard to me and my past.

I know that if people can fake their way to all kinds of advantages with other women it could happen to anybody including yours truly.
moreover a lot of these baddies cannot help themselves inspite of their best intentions.
so I am not leaving anything to Chance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 2:53am
Nope. Wouldn't do it. I've googled but that's it. If someone's behavior provoked me to be suspicious of it then I'd seriously consider parting company before I'd waste good money like that.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 9:30am

I'm beginning to think it should be a requirement or before you are allowed to post a profile online, the company (such as Match or Yahoo) should run a background check to be sure you are gainfully employed, verify that you are single and check criminal/driving records!

I have never done it and if I felt the need to do so, more than likely I would not date them or discontinue seeing them!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 3:16pm

I've never really thought about it, but I think if I was getting the feeling that maybe I should check someone's background then maybe that's a sign in itself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 7:51pm

I didn't hire a PI, but I did pay $40 for an online background check.

My last BF lied about his marital status, AND the guy I checked out was wearing a WEDDING RING in 2 of his 4 pictures (his status was listed as divorced). At first, I didn't do the check. But when I met him, I couldn't relax because I kept thinking about the pics of him with his wedding ring (both pics are of him and his DD... and one was clearly pretty old. The other... wasn't). The date went really bad because I wasn't able to relax.

I finally just asked him , and he said he was separated (the divorced was just from the "drop down" boxes on the site). I ran the check and was satisfied that he was telling the truth, but it didn't matter, because my behavior "disappointed" him.

Anyway, it was money well spent, as far as I'm concerned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 9:51am
I would never hire an investigator to check up on someone. I have a police office friend I might ask to make sure they're not a serial killer or anything like that :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 3:12pm
In this day and age of not knowing people's backgrounds, I can understand someone who might hire someone to check out a potential date or someone you're just starting to date. I would also want to make sure they were not married, that they were gainfully employed and had no criminal record. For myself, I have never had any of those particular red flags that I was worried about. I have always been more concerned about whether the guy was truly interested in a long-term relationship or not, how many broken hearts he'd left behind, and if he had ever lied to previous women in order to deceive something about himself. Sometimes those issues are much harder to find out, even with a private I doing the legwork. However, I think even some of those things could be found out before you got too involved with the person. Bottom line is, you never really know someone until you have spent considerable time with them. Even then, men can lie and try to take advantage once they have won you over. In all fairness, I'm sure there are women who are just as bad out there, but most of the stories I've heard are of men who are less than upfront about their intentions and their backgrounds. I see nothing wrong with a background check or a little detective work if that makes you more at ease.