Wouldn't it be nice...
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| Tue, 09-27-2005 - 5:06pm |
...if we could just lay it all out on the line - all of our wants and needs and deal-breakers - right at the begining when we *actually have nothing to lose*??
Everyone always waits too long to be completely honest because certain things are "taboo" topics of conversation for the first few dates.
"I'll just wait to tell him that I *have* to eventually get married and have kids", or, "I'll just wait to tell her that when I said that I was a social smoker I was toning it down."
Of course then the longer we wait, the more afraid we become that we're going to lose them; so we try to hide that we don't ever plan to marry, or that we actually smoke 3 packs a day, or something else like that.
Had we just been 100% honest about our expectations, our deal-breakers and who we really are from the get-go, we might not have wasted a month or a year or longer with someone that we would have never made it to the second date with!
Is anyone else with me? I think we also avoid doing this because we don't want to seem demanding, but no matter when it comes out in a relationship, certain things that you have to have and/or will never tolerate are still going to seem demanding to the same person.
For example...
I have been married & divorced twice and have taken the time to really evaluate what I want and need in a relationship. I want to get married again. I have to have kids. I have to stay home and raise them, and that's what he prefers too so he's been working toward, and is at, a point in his life where he can support that. He's a non-smoker, as in he's never smoked. He does not do illegal drugs and hopefully has never tried them. This includes pot; no ifs, ands or buts. He can drink in moderation and does not get drunk on a regular basis, but if we're at the occasional party and it happens, that's okay. He's patient, because I can be really stubborn. He knows how to pick his battles. He can communicate effectively so as to get an idea across without offending anyone. He's a big enough man to apoligize when he's wrong and hopefully also says it with flowers and/or jewelry, depending on how wrong he was. ;-) There are many more things that I could list here, but you get the picture.
I'm just tired of wasting my time and other people's time. All in favor...?
Sue. =)

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Oh, yay! It's good to hear that my idea was not just my idea and that it worked for someone. I figured that it was a good idea, but you never know. Many things that SEEM like good ideas are, in fact. not.
Sue. =)
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