WOW

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2006
WOW
38
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:30pm

Hi again. OK. When last we left, online "favorite" who I have been emailing back and forth with (twice in immediate succession)for few weeks, was making me wonder why we hadn't talked. We finally got to the point that he gave me his number and we agreed to talk the next night. He works over 50 hrs/wk. right now. To date everything he has said has checked out. I have been hesitant because I have kids and I didn't think he would want to date someone with kids. We didn't end up talking that night. We talked the next night. We talked for 45 min. and I asked him about the issues of dating someone with kids after a while. His response was plausible (usually they don't want kids again, etc) and led me to think there was something in his past.

Anyway we emailed again today. I responded to his last one from last night and was surprised that he immediately responded (he's at work after all). I asked about the fact that we were getting snow and we got playful. VERY innocent. Snowmen etc. He made a "naked" comment that I retorted was quite...... considering we haven't met but went back and forth a few more times still innocently, intelligently playful. He got the message. I think we are both taking it slow....maybe that was a guy test of some sort. Do I wait now for just phone interaction and meeting now? I'm being myself and I think he is too but you don't know....until you know. I am also scared because I haven't felt a genuine connection to anyone like this. Any thoughts? Experiences?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: eliza2006
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:51pm

Was it a comment about YOU being naked (i.e., him seeing you naked, getting naked with you, etc.)?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: eliza2006
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 5:05pm

I'm with you on that Stacey! I don't appreciate any type of sexual innuendoes or comments early on like that. There is even a question on eHarmony that makes me go "Hmmm..." - it's something about your views on premarital sex. I've only had it twice and each time, I've put a freeform answer that I think that is something better discussed when two people know each other better. One guy (who was quite religious according to his profile) closed me right away - I guess that wasn't the answer he wanted! The other guy went on.

Another one I get that is borderline that bugs the crap out of me is when I mention I do yoga pretty regularly, guys will say/ask something about whether or not I am flexible. Of course, I could be reading that the wrong way but...

To the OP, I agree. If that comment doesn't make you uncomfortable, then go with it. But as you have already been talking several weeks without meeting, I suggest meeting ASAP. It sounds like you are getting too comfortable with each other already. This together with the fact that you are "gushing" (sorta, lack of a better word) about him and feel this great connection even though you haven't met, will set up high expectations. Most of the time, there is not the same connection in person that you had online. If you keep things going too long, you build a fantasy that this person has no chance of living up to and you get disappointed.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 7:14pm

I'd "next" him. It's totally out of line to make a naked comment to someone you've never met, unless of course you're basically looking for casual sex...are you?

Many if not most online "connections" fizzle in real life so I wouldn't think anything of a connection until you meet someone in person.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2006
In reply to: eliza2006
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 7:35pm
Fair enough. No, the comment was not about ME being naked. No question about that not being ok. I said that it was inappropriate "considering we haven't met Mr." He adjusted appropriately. He sent me another one after a short while. When I got the last one, I told him to call me. If he doesn't after all this, then I know. Thanks.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 7:46pm

That behavior (even with the "adjustment") would be totally consistent, btw, with him "grooming" you to have sex with him as soon as you meet as some guys do (I think I posted to you about that risk before).

Him calling you wouldn't mean that he wasn't doing that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 8:57am
Why does any reference to sex (or erotica as seen on a previous thread) by a guy automatically mean that he wants to get you in bed as soon as possible after he meets you? Why can't 2 adults discuss sex/make sexual references/etc without it meaning that one of them wants sex NOW? Would you want to date someone for a month or 2 and then find out that they don't believe in premarital sex (if you do)? If the topic is never allowed to be brought up in any way, shape or form, how would you learn his views?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 12:02pm

It's just totally inappropriate to make sexual innuendos with a stranger you are thinking of dating, IMO. The thought of it makes my skin crawl...yuck! It's disrespectful on so many levels. Not to mention, there's a HUGE difference between saying "I want to see you naked" and "I don't believe in premarital sex".

Once you've met and gone out at least a few times, that's a whole different ball game. I'm talking about before you even MEET in person (and for me, personally, during the very early dating phase as well).

Now, if you're just online looking for a fling or casual sex, that's a different ball game as well.

And finally, I didn't say *all* men who talk about sex before meeting are trying to get you into bed on the first date (although I think it's safe to say that most are), I said talking about sex before meeting is something someone who is grooming a woman to do that would do.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 12:37pm
but what's the point of going out on several dates with someone AND then finding out you have totally different ideas about sex? But then again, I seem to have completely different dating ideas then most people on this board, especially in the areas of sex, income, deal breakers, etc., probably why I rarely post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 12:51pm

I wish you would post more often... it's nice to see a fresh perspective.


I think there's a difference between over-the-top innuendos and flirtatious ones. For me, flirtation is fine. I want to be able to have fun with the guy I'm talking to. But if we haven't met yet and you're telling me you want to see me naked or something, then that's past being respectful.


I hope to see you around more often!


Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 1:02pm

Why? I think most of us can appreciate a different viewpoint even though we may not necessarily agree with it. Non-confrontational debate is a good thing for everyone and can even make people see a different point of view they might not have considered before. My views have been expanded greatly by this board.

As for your question - of course. I don't want to be with someone that has completely different views on sexuality than I do. But TO ME, there is an appropriate time to bring that up and TO ME it's not before we have even met. TO YOU, you like to know very early on and not waste your time. That's fine - no one is attacking you for that view. But I prefer to get to know someone w/o the sex stuff getting in the way at first. I'm a private person and sex is not something I discuss much with anyone much less a perfect stranger. After a couple of dates, when we are more comfortable with each other, is a better time to discuss that for ME. However, I think you know pretty quickly someone's view on premarital sex. You get a "vibe" on their feelings about that usually. But if someone tells me flat out on the first date (as I had a guy who was absolutely the worst date I EVER had do), it is TMI for me.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Pages