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| Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:30pm |
Hi again. OK. When last we left, online "favorite" who I have been emailing back and forth with (twice in immediate succession)for few weeks, was making me wonder why we hadn't talked. We finally got to the point that he gave me his number and we agreed to talk the next night. He works over 50 hrs/wk. right now. To date everything he has said has checked out. I have been hesitant because I have kids and I didn't think he would want to date someone with kids. We didn't end up talking that night. We talked the next night. We talked for 45 min. and I asked him about the issues of dating someone with kids after a while. His response was plausible (usually they don't want kids again, etc) and led me to think there was something in his past.
Anyway we emailed again today. I responded to his last one from last night and was surprised that he immediately responded (he's at work after all). I asked about the fact that we were getting snow and we got playful. VERY innocent. Snowmen etc. He made a "naked" comment that I retorted was quite...... considering we haven't met but went back and forth a few more times still innocently, intelligently playful. He got the message. I think we are both taking it slow....maybe that was a guy test of some sort. Do I wait now for just phone interaction and meeting now? I'm being myself and I think he is too but you don't know....until you know. I am also scared because I haven't felt a genuine connection to anyone like this. Any thoughts? Experiences?

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I don't think it's "wrong" to talk about sex with someone you haven't met yet.
Well...I've really never had that problem come up, so I haven't changed my behavior to address that issue. I have found that guys who are respectful enough not to bring up sex early on are almost always on the same page with me about waiting to have sex until we've gotten to know each other (but have never gotten to that point with anyone who wanted to wait until marriage, for instance), so it hasn't been necessary to bring that up before meeting or on the first couple dates.
But if talking about sex before meeting works for you, go for it! A guy who does so might be right for you, he's just not going to be right for me, and that's just fine!
Sheri
I had a guy ask me that Q on eharmony the other day and I closed communication with him - not solely for that reason but that was definitely part of it. I still am not interested in that guy (too far away and man-boobs), but if another guy asks it I will give it more thought than I did this time. My thought was just, ewww - didn't even think about it the way you did.
Sure, we all like it when others agree with us, but we can learn a lot more by listening to those who have other viewpoints. So, please stick around! :)
I've never really had that be a problem either (frequency, etc)...I suppose if it happened to me a number of times, I might change my ways, but it's really not been an issue.
I simply disagree with you on what is respectful and what is not. Making sexual innuendos to a stranger just doesn't fit into *my* definition of respectful behavior, regardless of whether he stops or not. The mere fact that a guy thought saying something like that to a stranger was appropriate would be disgusting and a turn off to me. But again, if you're ok with it, that's *fine*...for YOU, not for ME.
Sheri
No, I can't imagine that a guy would!
Sex and sexual compatability are very important to me also, I've just rarely encountered situations where it was an issue...as I said, if that had happened to me a bunch of times (and it sounds like it has happened frequently to you), I might act differently.
But I'm also a big believer in actions, not words...so I'd be disinclined to believe anything that was said in a guy's emails on that topic, anyway, even if I were to talk about it on email before meeting.
Sheri
I think we all have different levels of what we'll tolerate and what to us is unacceptable. For example, a friend of mine who is also doing eHarmony had a guy say something to her about his jetski being a "real crotch-rocket". She found it highly offensive that a guy she didn't even know was saying that to her and she closed communication. To me, I'd do a double take but as long as everything else seemed OK, I'd let it go. I had another guy playfully ask if I was a good kisser - it wasn't offensive to me in the context but if it had gone past that asking if I was good in bed, I would have either told him that wasn't appropriate FOR ME or nexted him or both.
Bringing up sex early on but in a mature, thoughtful way is FAR different than "You do yoga, huh? You must be REALLY flexible! Can you put your legs behind your head? heheheh" or Stacey's one of "cum on over". To me, it's whether it's tasteless, tacky, unwanted, uninvited or perhaps not "cleared" with me first - just kind of flung out there without knowing my views on when is appropriate for that kind of info. But especially tacky/tasteless. C'mon, we're grown ups and to say that kind of stuff is what we did in 7th grade! If it's not tacky, I will let the guy know that I prefer to discuss that later after we know each other better. If he respects that and let's it drop, OK.
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