WOW

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2006
WOW
38
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:30pm

Hi again. OK. When last we left, online "favorite" who I have been emailing back and forth with (twice in immediate succession)for few weeks, was making me wonder why we hadn't talked. We finally got to the point that he gave me his number and we agreed to talk the next night. He works over 50 hrs/wk. right now. To date everything he has said has checked out. I have been hesitant because I have kids and I didn't think he would want to date someone with kids. We didn't end up talking that night. We talked the next night. We talked for 45 min. and I asked him about the issues of dating someone with kids after a while. His response was plausible (usually they don't want kids again, etc) and led me to think there was something in his past.

Anyway we emailed again today. I responded to his last one from last night and was surprised that he immediately responded (he's at work after all). I asked about the fact that we were getting snow and we got playful. VERY innocent. Snowmen etc. He made a "naked" comment that I retorted was quite...... considering we haven't met but went back and forth a few more times still innocently, intelligently playful. He got the message. I think we are both taking it slow....maybe that was a guy test of some sort. Do I wait now for just phone interaction and meeting now? I'm being myself and I think he is too but you don't know....until you know. I am also scared because I haven't felt a genuine connection to anyone like this. Any thoughts? Experiences?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 2:10pm
But several people have stated that to bring it up AT ALL is grounds for nexting the guy. I agree, I don't think someone asking if you're good in bed in a 'get to know you' email is necessarily appropriate, I don't think alluding to to sex is inappropriate. But then again, my profile states that I want a guy who 'loves to kiss'.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 2:21pm

I mean this completely out of curiousity and NOT disrespectfully, but do you find you get responses from guys looking for casual sex? I'm not saying you have or haven't b/c I don't know the responses you get, but it did make me wonder. And not that having something about kissing would bring that out but I guess it's a fine line.

I think that's my main "fear" about talking/joking about sex early on. I am not looking for casual sex and I don't want anyone to have that idea. I think that a woman can run the risk of looking as if she is if she gives in to the sexual innuendoes too early. Obviously you can set them straight and if a guy IS looking for that and it getting out of hand, he's not someone you want to converse with anyway, BUT I wonder if sometimes these comments can give off the wrong impression? I think you have to be clear that while you are a sexual person (but aren't we all sexual beings?) that you're not looking for casual encounters when you put it out TOO early. Make sense?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 2:29pm
I just got back into the dating game after a relationship but in the past, I didn't find that I got any more responses from people looking for casual sex with that line then without. I did have one guy give me a lecture on how he interpreted it but from some things in his profile, I got the impression that women should stay home and take care of the house so I didn't put much stock in his opinion. But to tell you the truth, I would have no problem with having a sexual email swap with someone, whether or not we ever meet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 2:57pm

That's awesome you feel comfortable enough with your sexuality and free enough to do that. Sometimes I wish I could be a little less uptight about it! :-) I think American society is uptight about sexual matters. Whether or not it's right, you are definitely an exception to the rule. But if there were no exceptions, life sure would be boring.

LOL - it's interesting the turn that this thread took! It started that the OP was excited about this guy and the "naked" comment was hardly in there and not even the point of the story!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 3:13pm

If I may ask, exactly what are you seeking?

I'm also curious if these men were ever able to divert the conversation away from sex or as you state; did it take several conversations to decide if you were sexually compatible? And if so, did you act on it?

I mean, come on! Of course, NO guy is not going to have a problem with a women who feels comfortable talking about sex to a complete stranger. 1-900-TALK SEX is one of the biggest money makers out there.

Possibly you are missing our point. I think most of us here want SEX; but would like intimacy and passion -- and that comes from a deeper place. I'm sorry but talking with a stranger from the onset who tells you point blank how he is in bed; doesn't make me think we are sexually compatible. Are you naive or rushing to have sex?

Your time is extremely limited -- possibly you should just post on your ad "seeking sexually compatible partner and list the things you like!" I guarantee your mailbox will be flooded with sexually compatible men!

Girl Puhleeze.............I would bet you are wasting your time with sex-crazed jerks!!! You would fare better finding out if these men had any substance, then being concerned about sexual compatibility. Great sex doesn't mean you have a great guy!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 3:26pm
Excuse me, but I specifically stated that a guy who tells you that he's great (or claims to be) in bed is NOT appropriate in an early email. I'm seeking a relationship and I've had no problem finding tons of dates (where the topic of sex didn't even come up) to several wonderful relationships. If all I wanted was sex, I certainly wouldn't need to do online dating for that. And what gave you the impression that the ONLY thing I discussed with these guys was sex? We have plenty of other things to talk about (or if we don't then obviously I don't email/chat with them anymore). I think maybe those people who freak out at the mere mention of sex or kissing or anything alone those lines have some issues with sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 3:26pm

Exactly, vex.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 3:30pm
I've done the sexual email swaps, and the sexual IMs and sexual phone calls.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 3:32pm
Yes, it does depend on what they say, how they say it, and what the context of the conversation is. But as I stated before, several posters have said ANY sexual reference whatsoever is grounds for nexting, that they find ANY sexual reference inappropriate. I also didn't say it was a guarantee of compatibility but when you have no problem with premarital sex and they do, there's a definite problem that isn't going to go away no matter how many dates you have!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 5:11pm

Single, I've been following this thread with interest. I wonder if you could be specific about what you mean in terms of compatibility. What kinds of questions would you ask/answer about that? I ask because I can't think of any 'compatibility' that I've ever experienced that was apparent UNTIL I actually met, kissed and spent physical time with a person. I wonder what you are able to learn, or what you are trying to learn, about the person's sexual style in the early stages of communication.

If it's premarital sex -- I don't think there are THAT many people out there who disapprove of it. If it's frequency -- I would imagine that would have more to do with scheduling.

What have you found in terms of incompatibility that makes you say you don't want waste your time with somebody incompatible?