WTF!!!! I am so irritated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
WTF!!!! I am so irritated!
20
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 9:40am
0


Edited 2/1/2006 3:47 pm ET by kae_n_me

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 6:48pm
I am sorry that you went through this. I hate to say it, but I think he met someone new Friday night and kept you on the back burner..
take care.
E
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 7:15pm

I would be careful about falling into the attractive trap of rationalizing for him. Yes, hear him out, but I agree with a previous poster that your "BS detector" should be working full force on this one. Protect your own heart first.

Also, if I remember correctly from your previous posts, you have been interested in other men lately. I wouldn't put all of your eggs in one basket with this guy who has a huge amount of drama going on right now. Give yourself time to date a bit and decide what you will and will not take from someone.

Good luck. This is a rough situation, and I do feel for you.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 8:20pm

Kae, I feel for you in this situation. Let me share something with you that I learned from my marriage ... I was ALWAYS making excuses and explaining away my ex's behavior. Every incident or failure or whatever really did have a good reason, in my mind. I loved him very much and wanted people to know that it wasn't all his fault.

Then, we split up and the universal reaction -- even from my male and very macho boss -- was "it was just a matter of when you would have had enough."

Now, when I find myself explaining away some guy's behavior, I hear those voices and remind myself that the right person does not have to be explained and excused. No matter whose fault it is or what really happened, SOMETHING did, and almost certainly will again, keep him from fulfilling his commitment to something as simple as a Saturday night dinner that he had promised you. Whether it's a crazy ex or being too disorganized to remember to pay child support or being too vague to make an actual date 24 hours in advance to pick you up at x time in x place. You were disappointed and angry. AND YOU GET TO FEEL THAT WAY, THOSE FEELINGS ARE VALID no matter what happened to him. The circumstances of his life, regardless of whose fault they were, caused you that pain.

I agree that you should date a few other guys right now. Maybe even stop having sex with him so you can get some perspective. Let him clean up his life and earn the right to take you out again.

Sposa

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 10:43pm
I would be v. careful with people who had a low class partner. It only says they too are low class. Sorry to tell you that but who else would to hang out with low class.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 8:58am

You say:

"I know for a fact that if a domestic dispute is called in, she can press charges and the police HAVE to take him in."

Just because somebody makes a call and tells a creative story to the police it doesn't mean anything. For somebody to be "taken in" there has to be some sort of signs of violence like bruises or broken bones or destroyed property.

The police are free to:

1) Request one person to leave the residence for the night.

2) Suggest one person can press charges resulting in a court date but not necessarily an arrest

3) Suggest one person get a restraining order

If your man was "taken in" something was amiss. Something tells me that even if you get a copy of the arrest record you will still let this man explain things away.

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 9:00am
Gotta disagree, you can NOT judge a person based on their ex! Surely almost everyone has been involved with someone who seemed great at the time and turned out not to be. What you CAN judge in regards to an ex, is, did they learn from it and not make the same mistakes anymore? And if they have to deal with the person regularly (like if they have a child) have they learned to get along??
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 9:39am

I used to live next door to a couple who were having marital problems.

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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 10:38am

>>Also, I've NEVER heard of a phone being able to receive calls but not place them...


Just to play devil's advocate, this did happen to my friend a couple weeks ago and she had to get a new phone. She'd try to make a call and it would just display "connecting......" but wouldn't connect. But oddly

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 10:42am

Yeah, that's true, too...I tend to get more skeptical when it's a guy saying that when he's supposed to be seeing someone I guess.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 12:21pm
I see nothing but RED FLAGS on this guy. As emotionally attached as you are to him, I'd say lose him and fast cause he's playing some kind of game. He's either cheating (dating others w/o your knowledge) or doing something he's not willing to share. And you deserve better than him.

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