X-cultural issues and OLD? Pls help!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
X-cultural issues and OLD? Pls help!!!!
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 2:59pm

HI everybody!

Well, this is not strictly an OLD question (and I did post on the Interracial/Interfaith board, but those guys talk about relationships there, and I met this Mexican guy (he came to the US to work as a programmer just 9 months ago) recently on MActh.com... We emailed for 2weeks, went on 2 dates (tomorrow is the third one), things seem to be going great!!!

Here is the question: one thing I learned here in the US (I am from Bulgaria, Europe, moved to the US in 5 years ago; I'm 32) is that it is important to discuss expectations (what each of us is looking for, in terms of relationships...) and relationship history (number and duration of long-term relationships, etc...)ANd I think it is a great thing to do (have been burnt bad in the past, just asuming my partner and I wanted the same things... or not realizing that a guy never had a LTR relationship at the age of 34!!! and was unable to have one...) Anyhow, the problem is that this direct open discussion is not part of my culture (we, Bulgarians, are not into direct questions about such personal issues... not at this early stage of getting to know each other), nor does it seem to be part of MExican culture -- I am seeing so many similarities between Bulgarian and MExican cultures by what he told me about it that I am almost positive these are not the tight questions to ask...

So, I don't know what to do about it; I absolutely love spending time with him, so waiting to get to know him is OK by me; the only problem is that I can get attached and then learn he doesn't even want a LTR, or, for that matter, he can't even maintian one (I know, I know that asking him directly will not solve my problem, it is a "wait and get to know the person thing..."). So, do you think I can broach the subject *now* in a way that wouldn't violate his sense of privacy? - it is really not about scaring him away, I do believe it is cultural... I would really rather talk to him about these issues now, than develop serious feelings for him and then have my heart broken. (of course I don't mean that I will interrogate him: I am willing to talk about my past relationships and expectations of future ones as well...Please help!