Yahoo Personals or Eharmony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Yahoo Personals or Eharmony?
Sun, 08-17-2003 - 1:05am

this is my first time posting on this section, i've posted in other sections on the board. i'm a single, black female in my mid-30's and childless. I decided to register on yahoo personals about two weeks ago but didn't upload a picture or pay for a subscription or do voice mail.. I kept getting a yahoo mesenger sent to me the following week and last week from a guy. I'm new to computers and didn't realize he was from yahoo singles responding to my add. to make a long story short, i responded to him wednesday nite last week and thursday nite last week. the guy came on wed. with one screen name and then on thursday had another screen name? i asked him why the two differ names and he gave me some fake answer. after posting back and forth for 15 minutes, i asked him to describe what he looked like. he didnt want to tell me anything, he asked for my number and for me to upload a pic and then he will upload one. I told him he must be ashamed or have something to hide and not to contact me anymore.

he sent me a message saturday last week with a 3rd screen name. Earlier that day the librarian at the local library told me how to go in yahoo messenger and code him ignore but i found a better way using the invisible mode. just as i was doing this , he sent me about two messages!

yesterday a man sent me a long message describing his looks, like, wants and hobbies, etc. I responded and he responded back this morning with a bunch of questions. Like what is my philosophy, what kind of people i like, am i a follower or leader, etc,., etc.

eHarmony , i went on earlier last week but didn't pay. they have sent me about 10 matches so far. they want 49.99 for one month or 100 plus for 3 or six months...they're very expensive. all the men that responded were very tall like 5'11 and up (i'm 5'1") and all professional men/christian.

I need someone who has experience with computer dating/surfing/friendship to give me some tips/advice .

should i upload a pic? I dont have any current good ones and dont know how to work my scanner.

am i hurting my chances not wanting to talk to men with kids?

how soon should i meet or give my number , if at all?

how did the guy from yahoo find my screen name since it does not show on my profile ( i have one screen name for yahoo groups and one for personals)?

he told me that he was not a member on yahoo personals but i couldn't find him in the member directory under the three names he used?

should i call my new friend from the pay phone so he will not know my home number in case he proves to be a jerk (most people have caller I.D.) once he gives me his number?

would you think something is wrong with a man who's in his early 40's , never-married and no kids?

thank you ladies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 08-17-2003 - 2:18am
Welcome to the board and glad you posted here. Well, I've tried both eharmony and yahoo. I did not subscribe to eharmony because I only had one match after the 30 min survey and if you've gotten 10 already seems good because it is a bit expensive to join. Plus I like that you can choose at what stage they see your picture if you upload one. Excellent point. Yahoo, well their chats are a bit questionable to me plus my profile is adult (not wanting to talk to anyone under 18) but I get the same freaks like if I were in chat. A different situation but one of most longest term person from yahoo personals is my ex sex partner (2 yrs and still going strong) we are still friends and he has hopes of dating again. I personally have an issue on that nothing about him. He is just one guy I met on yahoo personals. Most of the guys were in school a great many no kids, but I have one. There were great but eharmony each time I go there I see no one in my area to make me want to join. This is a toss of the coin but personally I feel the screening process and matching is much better on eharmony because they do, do a personality profile and match accordingly.

I would say that a picture would help or something in your ad to say you have one and will send it. You wanting someone without children, I find that great and no not all 40 y/o without children are weird. Actually, I talked to my male friend (31) and let him know it is ok because there is others out there who want to start a family but have waited.

When it comes to my number, well that is different because I have been doing it so long and I usually wait for them to offer but if the emails and notes go for so long I offer my cell phone. I also do not use my real first name, I don't even use it here on the message boards. That way I know if I met them in person or online and go from there.

Again, it is easy on yahoo to find a persons name especially if you responded to him through email or added them to your buddy list is the most common way to find it out. I do not use my first name when corresponding and do not accept buddylist for im unless I want them to be able to look up my profile. But I make sure it is all general and the biggest thing is my name, though I use a picture everywhere where I live would be hard to find me, and remember only real men accept your personal space.

Again, welcome and hope to hear more from you.


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-17-2003 - 12:40pm
I haven't tried Eharmony so I can't comment on which is better.

With respect to Yahoo Personals, though, if you are a paid member you can see people's screen names (you can't if you're not a paid member, which is why you can't). So that could be how he found you.

As for your other questions, yes, I think it's best to upload a picture; you can get one scanned at Kinkos or a similar place.

Depending on your age, you might be limiting your field of men if you don't include men with kids, but if that's important to you, then you just deal with the smaller field.

I like to exchange a couple-three emails, then talk on the phone briefly (sometimes I skip this step), then meet for coffee. You can't tell much if anything about how you're going to connect with someone until you meet in person, so I prefer to do so sooner rather than later.

You can block your home number on a one-time basis (ask your phone company for the code to do this).

I wouldn't assume anything about a guy who hadn't been married until I'd met him and gotten to know him; I try to judge each person as an individual, not a statistic.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sun, 08-17-2003 - 4:38pm
First of all, congratulate yourself that you are deciding to enter this arena. By that I mean being pro-active about dating!

I have not used either service that you mentioned, but if you read my earlier post, I did have a privacy issue w/

No, there is nothing wrong w/ someone in their 40's, never being marrried & w/out


I choose not to post a photo, but state in my ad that I will gladly do so upon request. Remember, men are visual, it is innate. I do not have a scanner, so I just have a few friends have sent me. They are not the best, but they are real, and of me, an everyday look. I have seen photos of women that were so perfectly posed on, then have actually run into them while on dates, they look completely different. My one date stated, that girl is always sdating someone new..I told him she was probably on am not suggesting you send out a bad one, though.

Please be careful. My land line # and cell # are blocked from caller ID. Like a previous poster stated, you can usually press a few keys for a one time block from your home #. Look in the phone book and it may tell you how to do it. I am resuming online dating after being in a relationship for a year I am starting new as well.

I have decided to pay as I want to chose the person..not just limit it to who contacts me.

But it can get expensive.

Good luck & let us know!!

P.S. I went out on a date last night, all the guy wanted to do was talk about sex...this did not occur during the phone conversation. 1 drink & I was out of there! So please be careful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Sun, 08-17-2003 - 6:23pm
This yahoo guy sounds fishy. Anyone who doesn't even want to tell you what they look like, you know something is up. It's probably a good idea to upload a picture so you can get more responses...but first you have to learn to use the scanner:). As for giving out personal info...if you feel comfortable enough with some one then if you have a cell give them your number and then go from there. If you're confident and feel comfortable enough on the phone to meet him in person...go to a public place. A coffee shop or something and test the waters. I don't think your hurting your chances if you don't want to talk to a man with kids. Some people just aren't comfortable dating people with children for various reasons. It's all personal choice. The man from Eharmony sounds a lot better since he gives you information about himself and wants to know about you. But if you're not comfortable with the fact that he has kids you should tell him...or at the very least ask what they're like. I wish you the best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Sun, 08-17-2003 - 6:33pm
Welcome to our board! So happy you came!!! First of all, Marie(co-host as well) can help you with this as well, but I will add my two cents. If money is a problem, yes yahoo personals can work. If it is not, go for Eharmony. It is a very serious dating site since it costs so much. If you are going to use dating sites, the one thing to keep in mind is "have an open mind". YOU have to think that all men you come across, if attractive are potential dates. I mean, just because someone is 40 and never married means nothing now adays. This man is a smart one, is what I think. lol Personally, now that I am divorced and dating again, knowing I am not looking for anything serious...I understand why women or men wait til they are late 30 or 40 to get married. They know more about themselves and the world. I feel the ones that wait are the wisest of all. lol Just me though. So, open mind, open heart to a degree!! lol Have fun and remember, all men are not looking for sex. Some are serious and looking for the one like we are. goodluck !!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Sun, 08-17-2003 - 6:41pm
Just a quick 2 cents here. If anyone ever does anything to make you uncomfortable, don't bite. Its just not worth it. Dont continue, don't respond, just ignore, ignore, ignore if you cant block it. Anything fishy, suggestive, needy, co-dependent, violent, questionable, and I just don't deal w/ it. Why bother?