yesterday's date was a disaster..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
yesterday's date was a disaster..
11
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 11:06am

Hello everyone,

I'm a new poster to this board and I hope someone here can help me out with my situation. Last month I had a man write me first on a dating site, we corresponded for a couple of weeks and we had our first date last weekend. I thought it went well, we had a great time together, we shared good conversation and he was very eager to see me again (he asked for a second date before the first date ended and he even wanted to set up a day and activity for the next time we met). We did have 1 short phone call several days after and he said he'd call on Friday night to set up a time for our date. Now this is where the problem began... he did call on Friday as promised but he mentioned that he was feeling under the weather and he wasn't sure if we should go out the next day. I told him I would be a little disappointed but if he still felt sick the next morning, then he should stay home. He called yesterday morning and said he felt well enough to come up here. Our second date turned out to be completely different from our first one, he was much more quiet and we didn't talk very much. We spent a couple of hours looking around in a museum and when we left, he was not talking at all. I mentioned to him that I noticed how quiet he was, and he said he wasn't aware of it and that he always wasn't like that. I asked him if he wanted to go get something to eat and he said he didn't have any money but if I wanted to it was okay (this was completely different from the previous date where he paid for dinner, pool games and drinks for us). This comment along with his behavior during the entire date, led me to believe that he wasn't liking me as much as he did and my mood just plummeted :(.

We walked straight to the T (subway) stop and went over to the walkways leading to the train platforms. He was asking me which walkway went up to my train but I just walked right by him without saying goodbye because I was upset and felt like crying. I was halfway to the train platform when I got a hold of myself and decided to go back for him. I turned around and he was still standing there, wondering what the hell I was doing. I walked back to him, apologized and told him that I didn't think he enjoyed himself today. He said he did, then gave me a hug and said he'd call later.

On the way back home, I realized that I made a hasty, self-centered assumption and realized that maybe he was so quiet and withdrawn because he was sick. He was sniffling and mentioned that he took some cold medicine that morning, and I noticed as we were going ito the subway station that his face was really flushed like he had a fever and I noticed that his eyes were red too, so I'm suspecting that he was feeling much worse than he had let on. I called him later that night and got his voice mail (so I don't know if he went straight to bed sick or was avoiding my call :(), I left him a message asking how he was doing and apologizing for the way I acted. I also emailed him last night with the same message (minus the apology).

I feel like I blew it with this guy because I was acting like a brat, I really like him a lot and would like a second chance with him. Can this be salvaged at all?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 11:12am

Awww, sorry about all that! Well, it seems like you did the best you could to salvage the situation. Yes, you may have been hasty, but then again, if he felt that ill, he should have stayed home. & sick or

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 11:20am
Yeah I don't get that either, he did have money to pay for the museum admission for us but he didn't have money to pay for dinner??? That just struck me as being really odd. A male friend of mine said that I should be happy that he tried to see me even though he was sick, but I wish he had stayed home to be honest. Not only did it put a damper on our time together, he may end up more sick because we were walking out in the bitter cold outside and I may end up catching whatever it was that he was sick with (it may be the flu for all I know :( ).
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 1:06pm
Well it looks like my original instincts were right, I checked my email on the dating site and got the typical "you're a sweet girl but I don't feel any chemistry" line. Oh well... on to the next one!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 1:37pm

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like someones people are so quick to judge chemistry. Call me old fashioned, but I believe chemistry can develop over time. When Harry met Sally is a good example of such!

Props to you for moving on with grace and style. :)

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 2:10pm
Sorry things didnt work out. But looks like you wont have a problem moving on!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 5:17pm
Be careful of comparing your love life to a movie. It's rarely so. Life doesn't have script writers, editors and actors playing parts.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 6:46pm

I know what you mean... but I still believe that sometimes people can be too quick to judge/expect chemistry. In today's world, we expect everything to be so "immediate". Sometimes the best things take time. :)

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 1:08am

Amen sister!!!!

I can name several times when I've gone out on dates..and the guy will either say it right away, wont say anything at all, or after date number 2..throws out the "chemistry" line.

All you can do is let it go, their loss, and NEXT!!!

Radelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 11:16am
I have to say that if I'm not feeling it by date 2 or at the most 3, I'll move on too. I don't want to wait 10 years (back to the When Harry Met Sally reference) for the chemistry to kick in! Honestly, I have to feel some mild chemistry or spark to go on a second date with a guy. While I know that huge instant spark and chemistry do not guarantee a good relationship, I also believe that NO chemistry or spark are a very bad sign. If I have moderate interest in a guy and in seeing him again, I'll go out with him again to see if something more develops, but I don't want to waste my time AND theirs when if after that second or third date, I can tell that it's just not going to happen for me.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 3:17pm
I used to think that waiting a little bit for chemistry to develop was the right thing to do until I was literally waiting for a couple months and going on more than 10-15 dates to see if it would develop with a couple of guys who had great personalities but I wasn't attracted to either of them and felt nothing. Yes, once in awhile it does happen, but a lot of the times it never shows up if there is nothing there to begin with. I give the 2-4 date rule too on this sort of a thing and if there is nothing there I move on. If there is a little something there I will wait for it to grow and if the guy's personality connects with mine and I feel something little then it usually grows without fail to something stronger. I like the idea of the Harry met Sally thing and in fact I had chemistry grow for someone who I was friends with for 2 months but in all honesty if I were dating now I wouldn't wait past 4 dates for chemistry to develop.

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