Yet again, I'm confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Yet again, I'm confused.
8
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 7:04pm

This guy contacted me on a dating site back in mid March. We've been talking on msn/phone and going on "dates" (or at least what I think are dates) ever since. He is usually the one who msgs me first when he comes online, and with the exception of one time, he's always the one asking me out.

Now here is where things get confusing. We've been out about 6 times, but not once has he made a move to kiss me. Which is why I am confused about our status - are we seeing each other or are we just friends? (I had mentioned in my profile that I'm just looking for ppl to hang out with, BUT if something were to happen I wouldn't oppose it) Anyway, he went away for the long weekend and his laptop is supposedly broken which is why he hasn't been online in a week. I txt msged his cell that Friday wishing him a good trip, and he called me back later and chatted for a bit (that's how I found out about his laptop). Anyway, I told him to call me when he gets back....still no call.

This is so frustrating. 1) does he even like me? (but then again, if he didn't he wouldn't keep talking or asking me out?) and 2) has he lost interest? (if he has, he wouldn't have responded to my txt msg by calling me, right?)

Sorry this is so long...but I could REALLY use some advice. Thank you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 12:13pm

<<<(I had mentioned in my profile that I'm just looking for ppl to hang out with,>>>

Sounds to me like he's taking you at your word.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 2:17pm

I know...It came back and bit me in the arse!! hahah!! I immediately deleted that part from my profile (but like he's going to look there anyway).

I know this sounds like a silly question (and I know only he can answer that) but do you think he is hanging out with me to *just* be friends or in hopes that something may develop further?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 2:29pm

I'd assume he's hanging out with you as a friend.

It's going to be up to you to approach him if you want to explore more.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 6:45am

One topic says "all they want is sex". Your guy doesn't even want to kiss you. He's either gay or...

He's Just Not That Into You.

This one is easy. NEXT.

(More people need to buy/read the book, apparently.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 10:04am
I've heard two of probably many theories on this kind of thing. The first is that he just isn't comfortable with the idea of confronting you with the fact that he isn't really interested and wants to avoid the discussion so he he'll answer your messages but won't initiate any more until you figure it out or give up. The second theory is that he is not pulling the plug on anything with you "just in case" he wants to come back and revisit the idea. The main thing is that you need to decide what YOU want and if he isn't it you have to be willing to accept that and MOVE ON! I know this sounds difficult but I really think you will be happier in the long run no matter what happens. If he isn't it you will be closer to finding someone who is. Also the idea of knowing what you really want will have some bearing on what you put in your profile. Once you decide that it won't come back to bite you anymore. Good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 7:45pm

Hi Cotton!

If you haven't yet read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" I'd highly recommend it. I think I may have been one of the last women in America to read it but am so glad that I did. Basic premise is that a guy who is really, truly into you won't be hard to decipher because he'll call, be affectionate (including kissing you), not be scared to commit, etc., etc., etc.. If he is lacking in any of those areas, he's "just not that into you" and the book's advice was to let it go and move on because by staying with somebody who doesn't make you feel really special and loved (and kissed), you are avoiding meeting the man who will make you feel all those things.

It helped me finally completely close the chapter on the last man I dated (before the one I'm dating now who's wonderful) and who pulled a "disappearing act."

I kept trying to figure out why things happened the way they happened. Now I know it doesn't matter - he wasn't that in to me and by ending it, he freed me to find a really great guy!

Best of luck - you deserve better than this,
Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 10:34pm

Hey Sarah,

Thanks for the advice. I have heard of that book but I refuse to read it - only because I get it... "if he doesn't call, he's not into you or if he says he's busy, he's just not that into you." Plus I think after reading it, it'll make me feel worse about past situations. Anyway, I also have a post on another board on here. And I guess I should've updated you guys on the situation.

I realized that my feelings for him were really a longing for companionship, and not specifically a desire to be with him.

He's a really great & fun guy, but have you ever met a really great guy but only wanted to be friends with him (even though you know he would make a great boyfriend)? That's how I feel about this guy. I mean I would rather be friends with him "forever" (so-to-speak) than to get into a relationship and potentially losing contact with him forever.

So that's where I stand with him now, we're friends and I like it.

My problem now becomes, I hope he doesn't think that I want to get into a relationship with him (we did meet on a dating site) and thus preventing us from becoming closer friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 11:09pm

Hi again Cotton!

I completely understand what you're saying... sometimes that spark is there, and sometimes it's not. And if it's not, no matter how much intellectually we might know that he's a really great guy; you can't create passion or a romantic relationship where one doesn't exist and wasn't meant to be.

I wish you all the best - know that there's somebody out there that you'll connect with on all the right levels!

S. =)