You guys, I need your help! WTF????
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| Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:17am |
Here's the story: Last night I went out on a date with my current beau from Match. We've seen each other 7 or 8 times now. We've connected and clicked in ways that I never thought possible. We talk every day, and it's obvious that we have something very cool. We both have hinted to each other that this could very easily be something long term.
So last night we had a great date. We went out to a nice restaurant for dinner, and then to a haunted forest. We came back to my place, and hung out. We did end up having sex for the first time and he spent the night. We were up until 3:30am.
But here's the problem... this morning at about 6:45 he got up from bed. He woke me, but didn't know that he woke me. I laid in bed, thinking he was just going to the bathroom. But a few minutes later I heard my apartment door shut and realized he was getting in his car. I continued to lay in bed, puzzled, and then figured he was being a total sweetheart and going to get coffee or bagels or something. But, 45 minutes later, he's still not back. I got up, and realized there was a note on the counter. Here's what it said:
"Good morning. Thanks for a great time last yesterday. I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep (strange bed syndrome) and I didn't just want to lay in bed. I took off to head back home. I will call you later."
WTF? My reaction? I'm pissed. Now, I didn't verbalize it to him, but I had plans of another round of morning sex and maybe go out to breakfast. But it never occured to me to talk about what the next morning would be like -- I totally took it for granted that he'd just hang out with me. We both had other things planned for the afternoon, but I assumed that we'd at least spend the first few hours together. He didn't kiss me good bye or wake me in any way. I feel abandoned. I feel self conscious.
How would you feel, how would you react? My first instinct is to tell him that doing that is unacceptable and rude, and that it's pushed me away in the other direction. But then another part of me is wondering if maybe it's really not that big of a deal and should blow it off.
It sucks, because now I am having doubts about whether or not he really DID enjoy himself last night, and if he's having second thoughts about us. Is this his way of saying something without actually saying it? Help!
Tobi

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Unbelievable.
Hal,
I'm a woman and I agree with you. I don't care if he left a note. It was rude.
It it were me, I would bring this up (and I have). His reaction would tell me whether or not this relationship was worth pursuing. I don't walk on eggshells. I don't care how early it is in the relationship. If Tobi tip-toes around this now, she sets a precedence. She is communicating that she will tolerate rude behavior.
It is possible this was an innocent situation. Still, you don't have sex with someone (a highly vulnerable situation, mind you), and just leave a note afterwards. That's just wrong.
I am all for tolerating imperfections, but that is different from tolerating rudeness.
Tobi: I'd suggest finding out what happened. If it was no big deal, then so be it. Fabulous. Don't just take a mental note. Get confirmation. Proceed from there.
A~
An update:
Well, at about noon, he came online and immediately sent me an IM. It started out with "Good morning, sexy." I played it cool and typed, "So you couldn't sleep eh? Next time I'll be sure to drug ya afterwards (wink)." He didn't actually apologize, but simply said that he woke up at 6:00 and laid there for an hour and decided to finally get out of bed and go home. I told him that he should've woken me, and his reply was, "I couldn't do that. You deserved to sleep."
So then we proceeded with our conversation. He ended it with, "Now I'm wishing I WOULD'VE woken you up this morning."
So I'm not going to stress over it. I'll just be sure to let him know that next time, I'd like him to stay, even if it means I have to get up earlier.
Thanks, you guys! You helped me to remain cool and calm and shrug it off, even though I wanted to call him on it. It still wasn't great that he did that, but at least now it doesn't appear as if he was "running off."
Have a great day!
Yay!!! Glad to hear it went well. You know you always have us if other questions arise... :o)
(I still want to be kept posted... hehe)
I disagree that we, as women, should EVER have to communicate to a man that we expect common courtesy and decent behavior from him.
If it's too early to bring up something that's bothering you, it's too early to be getting naked and exchanging bodily fluids.
He did have common courtesy. He left a note. Tried to be quiet so she wouldn't wake up. And after getting some sleep made the effort to contact her. He did nothing wrong.
I still think he went home because he didn't want what happened in "Dumb and Dumber" to happen the first night he stayed over. That's my theory and he doesn't have to own up to that for a very long time.
I disagree that we, as women, should EVER have to communicate to a man that we expect common courtesy and decent behavior from him.
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"I disagree that we, as women, should EVER have to communicate to a man that we expect common courtesy and decent behavior from him."
Ita, Shywon, with that and everything else you said.
A~
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