You guys, I need your help! WTF????
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:17am |
Here's the story: Last night I went out on a date with my current beau from Match. We've seen each other 7 or 8 times now. We've connected and clicked in ways that I never thought possible. We talk every day, and it's obvious that we have something very cool. We both have hinted to each other that this could very easily be something long term.
So last night we had a great date. We went out to a nice restaurant for dinner, and then to a haunted forest. We came back to my place, and hung out. We did end up having sex for the first time and he spent the night. We were up until 3:30am.
But here's the problem... this morning at about 6:45 he got up from bed. He woke me, but didn't know that he woke me. I laid in bed, thinking he was just going to the bathroom. But a few minutes later I heard my apartment door shut and realized he was getting in his car. I continued to lay in bed, puzzled, and then figured he was being a total sweetheart and going to get coffee or bagels or something. But, 45 minutes later, he's still not back. I got up, and realized there was a note on the counter. Here's what it said:
"Good morning. Thanks for a great time last yesterday. I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep (strange bed syndrome) and I didn't just want to lay in bed. I took off to head back home. I will call you later."
WTF? My reaction? I'm pissed. Now, I didn't verbalize it to him, but I had plans of another round of morning sex and maybe go out to breakfast. But it never occured to me to talk about what the next morning would be like -- I totally took it for granted that he'd just hang out with me. We both had other things planned for the afternoon, but I assumed that we'd at least spend the first few hours together. He didn't kiss me good bye or wake me in any way. I feel abandoned. I feel self conscious.
How would you feel, how would you react? My first instinct is to tell him that doing that is unacceptable and rude, and that it's pushed me away in the other direction. But then another part of me is wondering if maybe it's really not that big of a deal and should blow it off.
It sucks, because now I am having doubts about whether or not he really DID enjoy himself last night, and if he's having second thoughts about us. Is this his way of saying something without actually saying it? Help!
Tobi

Pages
So if a guy does something that in his mind is courteous and decent, and he doesn't realize that you think it's not, what do you do?
"Now I'm wishing I WOULD'VE woken you up this morning."
I'm curious about that comment.
Nevertheless, it appears you have what you want, for now. You seem happy. Good for you.
Still, this whole incident points to the fact the people (not just women, and I'm not being PC either), will accept all kinds of behavior for the sake of holding on to a relationship, or to prevent someone from running off.
Why not call him on this? You could have said something, in person (in a calm, collected manner if that's your style). If he can slip away after being intimate with you, after you shared a very intimate part of you (a part of you that you don't share with just anyone) you had every right to say something.
You're not going to stress over this, I'm not either. Although I am baffled by most of the responses you got, the Earth continues to spin on it's axis, yes?
Bon chance,
A~
The reason he can slip away is that he lives elsewhere and they didn't have plans for the morning, he did say goodbye in the note btw.
<>
How about we tie for first? I am with you. I would feel really self-concious not having my toothbrush and having to do #2 in my possible new SO's place. It would NOT happen. At all.
Ok, we can tie for first place for good possible explanations.
Where did I write that I would dump him?
Well you said you wouldn't communicate with him your expecations, he should know you felt that was rude.
ok I am going to chime in....not that this thread isn't a dead horse.......As someone who can't sleep very well at new places, and has anxiety about the next morning, I do not think that the guy was rude....He tried. I commend him for that. He left a note....he did talk to her on Sunday (not Monday or later) Its early in the relationship. I would not mention it again. Next weekend, I would invite him to stay the night or if it made him feel better I would stay the night at his. when I invited him to stay the night then I would also invite him to breakfast in the morning. Tell him up front what the expectation is....
Oh and toothbrush issue.....next time you are at the grocrey store. See if there is a tube of toothpaste that gives you a free toothbrush attached. Buy it, even if you just bought toothpaste......its a great way to have an extra toothbrush for guests....without seaming like you bought him a toothbrush.....
Pages