You guys, I need your help! WTF????
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:17am |
Here's the story: Last night I went out on a date with my current beau from Match. We've seen each other 7 or 8 times now. We've connected and clicked in ways that I never thought possible. We talk every day, and it's obvious that we have something very cool. We both have hinted to each other that this could very easily be something long term.
So last night we had a great date. We went out to a nice restaurant for dinner, and then to a haunted forest. We came back to my place, and hung out. We did end up having sex for the first time and he spent the night. We were up until 3:30am.
But here's the problem... this morning at about 6:45 he got up from bed. He woke me, but didn't know that he woke me. I laid in bed, thinking he was just going to the bathroom. But a few minutes later I heard my apartment door shut and realized he was getting in his car. I continued to lay in bed, puzzled, and then figured he was being a total sweetheart and going to get coffee or bagels or something. But, 45 minutes later, he's still not back. I got up, and realized there was a note on the counter. Here's what it said:
"Good morning. Thanks for a great time last yesterday. I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep (strange bed syndrome) and I didn't just want to lay in bed. I took off to head back home. I will call you later."
WTF? My reaction? I'm pissed. Now, I didn't verbalize it to him, but I had plans of another round of morning sex and maybe go out to breakfast. But it never occured to me to talk about what the next morning would be like -- I totally took it for granted that he'd just hang out with me. We both had other things planned for the afternoon, but I assumed that we'd at least spend the first few hours together. He didn't kiss me good bye or wake me in any way. I feel abandoned. I feel self conscious.
How would you feel, how would you react? My first instinct is to tell him that doing that is unacceptable and rude, and that it's pushed me away in the other direction. But then another part of me is wondering if maybe it's really not that big of a deal and should blow it off.
It sucks, because now I am having doubts about whether or not he really DID enjoy himself last night, and if he's having second thoughts about us. Is this his way of saying something without actually saying it? Help!
Tobi

Pages
ITA on the toothbrush.
Hi tobi,
I'm glad you are feeling better. I hate to be a pessimist but frankly I am astonished that some people (WOMEN!) are turning this into an issue of COURTESY!?!? Am I missing something here????
The person you are very attracted to and just spent the night with after sex, "politely" sneaks out of your bedroom the next morning (so as not to wake you) and leaves a note....What a gentleman! Did that make you feel sexy?
I'd like to think I am a gentleman. I pay for dinner, open doors and do sundry other things. Sneaking out in the morning (IMO) just seems....wrong. It isn't really a courtesy issue. I would rather a woman wake me because she wanted "more of last night" than politely leave because she felt I deserved sleep. I deserve sex!
I think the fact that we are having such a debate about this proves that she can't judge what he did by his actions here......everyone has such a different viewpoint.
Give the guy another chance. How could we expect him to do the RIGHT thing when we can't even decide what the right thing is?
<>
That's what I was trying to say in my original post, but you said it so much more succinctly, thank you! :o)
>this proves that she can't judge what he
>did by his actions here
I thought actions speak louder than words!
>How could we expect him to do the RIGHT thing
>when we can't even decide what the right thing is?
That' all very well. I'm sure he is going to be given many chances to get things "right".
If you said to a man that you were dating, "Would like to have sex?" and his response was "No thank you". How would you interpret that? Whatever your answer is, it isn't right or wrong. But my opinion would be that although he was courteous it doesn't seem right for someone who claims that he is attracted to you.
Someone once told me this: For the first year a couple is married they should put a cookie in a jar each time they have sex. After that year they should eat one of the cookies from the jar each time they have sex. They will have enough to last the rest of their lives. My experiences in all of the relationships I’ve had seem to reflect this. I mentioned in another thread that by the 3rd or 4th date we are spending weekends together. Usually because we have sex and I stay the night or she stays the night. We wake up together, frolic, have more sex...then breakfast...then...well...you get the picture? This is what I would expect from two people who have 'clicked' and are attracted to each other.
Women often say that all men want is sex and will say/do anything to get it. Now women are coming up with various reasons why a man would get out of having sex....very strange.
This is just MHO.
Hmmm if he didn't realize he woke you up, I don't really think it was rude for him to leave, he left you a note, it's not like he took off as soon as you fell asleep and left you nothing.
I don't see the big deal.
Some people don't like morning sex.
Some people don't like to have sex in the morning if they can't brush their teeth.
Neither means the person doesn't like sex.
No, but I do think we could overanalyze every little thing about him
>Does anyone else find it tacky that he IMed
>her instead of calling her the next day?
Yes.
Let's consider the facts presented in the first post.
-We've seen each other 7 or 8 times now
-We've connected and clicked in ways that I never thought possible
-We talk every day, and it's obvious that we have something very cool.
-We both have hinted to each other that this could very easily be something long term.
Now, this man leaves morning after a great night out and sex because he is afraid he might be suffering from halitosis!!?? Ok, he didn't need to kiss or have sex, although he could make a point about morning breath. I did that with a woman I was dating and it became our personal joke, it was quite funny.
The man spent the evening at Tobi's house and slept in her bed. The LEAST he could have done is waited around to make her coffee, toast or bring her a juice! But to get up and leave?? Do people actually think that this is acceptable!?
Pages