You guys, I need your help! WTF????
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:17am |
Here's the story: Last night I went out on a date with my current beau from Match. We've seen each other 7 or 8 times now. We've connected and clicked in ways that I never thought possible. We talk every day, and it's obvious that we have something very cool. We both have hinted to each other that this could very easily be something long term.
So last night we had a great date. We went out to a nice restaurant for dinner, and then to a haunted forest. We came back to my place, and hung out. We did end up having sex for the first time and he spent the night. We were up until 3:30am.
But here's the problem... this morning at about 6:45 he got up from bed. He woke me, but didn't know that he woke me. I laid in bed, thinking he was just going to the bathroom. But a few minutes later I heard my apartment door shut and realized he was getting in his car. I continued to lay in bed, puzzled, and then figured he was being a total sweetheart and going to get coffee or bagels or something. But, 45 minutes later, he's still not back. I got up, and realized there was a note on the counter. Here's what it said:
"Good morning. Thanks for a great time last yesterday. I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep (strange bed syndrome) and I didn't just want to lay in bed. I took off to head back home. I will call you later."
WTF? My reaction? I'm pissed. Now, I didn't verbalize it to him, but I had plans of another round of morning sex and maybe go out to breakfast. But it never occured to me to talk about what the next morning would be like -- I totally took it for granted that he'd just hang out with me. We both had other things planned for the afternoon, but I assumed that we'd at least spend the first few hours together. He didn't kiss me good bye or wake me in any way. I feel abandoned. I feel self conscious.
How would you feel, how would you react? My first instinct is to tell him that doing that is unacceptable and rude, and that it's pushed me away in the other direction. But then another part of me is wondering if maybe it's really not that big of a deal and should blow it off.
It sucks, because now I am having doubts about whether or not he really DID enjoy himself last night, and if he's having second thoughts about us. Is this his way of saying something without actually saying it? Help!
Tobi

Pages
I haven't read all your responses yet, but wanted to share my 2cents. I wouldn't worry about it too much at this point. Though I can certainly understand your disappointment. This is definitely an area I've experienced from both sides. I don't sleep well in unfamiliar places and I need my sleep. My first match boyfriend never spent the night. He was one of those late night kind of people after sex he sort of got restless where I just wanted to sleep.
This is something that takes a little planning sometimes. Hang in there!
Michele
I love morning sex!!!
With the right person it can be better than
LOL
I'm not picky I like it in the AM, PM, Late afternoon, late at night...
And I'm all for it, even with morning breath and bedhead...
I have no idea if Tobi is even reading this thread anymore... but I wanted to throw in my 2 cents.
She handled it *exactly* the right way. The way she brought it up on IM was perfect, with her asking him about leaving and then using a little humor with the "drugging him" reference, and then winking. She made it known to him that she was curious about why he left, but in a way he would not feel defensive at all. Good job Tobi!
The guy seemed nice and considerate to me. He left a note, after all. He may realize now he didn't handle it exactly right, but as a guy I can see how he might have thought she wanted to sleep and not be woken up. The toothbrush thing and the bathroom thing are also very possible.
Let me end by saying: If I did exactly the same thing as this guy, and I was confronted by the woman saying "So why did you leave early in the morning? That was very rude...", I would have serious reservations about her. To me it would say a lot about how she might act in the future over little things.
Eric
It wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me either. It would be nice if we could know things without communicating, but we can't, and I think when we're not on the same page, we should either ask, or just let it go study the situation. Actions are so easily misinterpreted, and feelings get unintentionally hurt.
I don't think he was trying to be rude, & he probably thought he was being perfectly appropriate. I wouldn't worry about it, it seems like there's plenty of good to focus on. Go with the old saying, pick your battles.
Also, for what it's worth, I sleep terribly in a new bed, & usually end up leaving. I absolutely hate to be woken up - if he does too, he may think he was doing you a courtesy :)
Enjoy him!
"I disagree that we, as women, should EVER have to communicate to a man that we expect common courtesy and decent behavior from him."
just my opinion, but I don't agree with this. People have such different ideas about what is courteous and appropriate, I always check things out before writing a person off as rude. That doesn't mean I don't get upset, but I try to keep in mind that I may be assuming something that was unintended.
It's very disconcerting for a person to be thought rude, when he or she thought they were trying to be nice.
No, because that's what people do these days :) Calling is very old fasioned.
When I first started OLD a couple of years ago, I was very put off by all the e-mails and IM's I got in lieu of phone calls...but especially if watching my daughter is any gauge, that's how people communicate these days!
If it mattered a lot to me & I was dating someone for a while, I would say "I'd really enjoy talking to you on the phone", and see what happened after that.
Pages