You guys, I need your help! WTF????
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| Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:17am |
Here's the story: Last night I went out on a date with my current beau from Match. We've seen each other 7 or 8 times now. We've connected and clicked in ways that I never thought possible. We talk every day, and it's obvious that we have something very cool. We both have hinted to each other that this could very easily be something long term.
So last night we had a great date. We went out to a nice restaurant for dinner, and then to a haunted forest. We came back to my place, and hung out. We did end up having sex for the first time and he spent the night. We were up until 3:30am.
But here's the problem... this morning at about 6:45 he got up from bed. He woke me, but didn't know that he woke me. I laid in bed, thinking he was just going to the bathroom. But a few minutes later I heard my apartment door shut and realized he was getting in his car. I continued to lay in bed, puzzled, and then figured he was being a total sweetheart and going to get coffee or bagels or something. But, 45 minutes later, he's still not back. I got up, and realized there was a note on the counter. Here's what it said:
"Good morning. Thanks for a great time last yesterday. I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep (strange bed syndrome) and I didn't just want to lay in bed. I took off to head back home. I will call you later."
WTF? My reaction? I'm pissed. Now, I didn't verbalize it to him, but I had plans of another round of morning sex and maybe go out to breakfast. But it never occured to me to talk about what the next morning would be like -- I totally took it for granted that he'd just hang out with me. We both had other things planned for the afternoon, but I assumed that we'd at least spend the first few hours together. He didn't kiss me good bye or wake me in any way. I feel abandoned. I feel self conscious.
How would you feel, how would you react? My first instinct is to tell him that doing that is unacceptable and rude, and that it's pushed me away in the other direction. But then another part of me is wondering if maybe it's really not that big of a deal and should blow it off.
It sucks, because now I am having doubts about whether or not he really DID enjoy himself last night, and if he's having second thoughts about us. Is this his way of saying something without actually saying it? Help!
Tobi

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Hey, guys! Tobi here...
Of course I read each and every one of your replies. Some had me smiling, some had me frowning, and some had me LMAO. I love it. You guys are the best.
I think the CL is right. There's probably not a whole lot more that could be said about this thread. BUT... for those of you who are interested (and who isn't by this point?)here are three things to consider:
1) The poop/bad breath excuses? Yeah, I'm throwing both of those in the water. First of all, he brought an overnight bag with a change of clothes. I would only have to assume he was smart enough to pack a toothbrush. But maybe not. And the "have to do a big #2" excuse? Remember, it was 6:00am. He said he was up lying in bed for an hour before he got up. He never knew I was awake. My bathroom is not in the bedrooom, so he would've had all the privacy he needed. But nevertheless, I will accept the "strange bed" excuse -- BUT JUST THIS ONE TIME!
2) We always IM each other. That's what I meant by we "talk" all the time. I have no landline, only a cell. And my reception's not so great in my place. I actually like this, because I'm on the phone all day long at work. We both prefer to IM, so that one is not an issue at all with me.
3) We're going out again tomorrow night, and again later in the week. I will say something next time we plan on him spending the night, just to ensure that the lines of communication are open and clear. He's an awesome guy, and I'm not going to make this a dealbreaker. I've certainly made my share of social mistakes in my time.
BTW, I have an even BIGGER issue regarding our future sex life together. It's a pretty sensitive issue, and I need a day or two to recoup from this thread. I'll post again mid-week, but I want you all there!!! Nothing is more helpful than seeing 30 different sides of the issue. You guys are the best. Too bad we can't get together somewhere for a big ol'party and some conversation. This will just have to do.
I'll be in touch -- thanks again!
Tobi
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Uh oh. LOL! I'm getting visions of Samantha from SATC & her 2 problems....one with the guy who she was in love with but had a wee winky, & the hot guy who was too big for even her. LOL!
Can't wait to hear your dilemma & hopefully offer some helpful advice.
I am glad things are proceeding well. That's good!
I read about your other issue and I'm curious if you'll learn more about what his limits are in the coming week. Maybe it's not as bad as you think? Maybe?
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I so totally agree!
darn i wanted to put my 2 cents in and see now there is another issue please post.
but frankly i see both sides.
i too would have been hurt and disappointed not because he left but the way he did it. i would have preferred a light kiss on the forehead and see ya sweetie.. yes wake me !! but he also could have been thinking let me let her sleep she looks dead asleep and i cannot sleep so let me just go ..
again it's a new r'ship so there is some awkardness.
honestly after reading all these posts i realized that yes you did the deed a very intimate thing and you have dated more than several times that it would have been something you would expect him to do.. but again we do all think differently so just communicate it to him. if he continues to run and leave the next morning then this would be more of a concern. but a one time deal i can let slide..
I would expect to be treated more like a girlfriend than a one night stand. His behavior indicates some sort of intimacy issue. I would also feel abandoned and hurt and for me that type of disrespect would be the deal breaker. He snuck out like a thief in the night with little regard to you. Is this someone you want to trust with your heart?
F
He didn't act like a thief- he left a note.... don't know too many thieves who leave notes behind. LOL
Besides, IMO- too much emphasis is being placed on this.
Explain what you mean when you say too much emphasis is being placed on this?
Fluffy
It made her feel abandoned so you are discounting how she feels.
Fluffy
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