You guys, I need your help! WTF????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
You guys, I need your help! WTF????
90
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:17am

Here's the story: Last night I went out on a date with my current beau from Match. We've seen each other 7 or 8 times now. We've connected and clicked in ways that I never thought possible. We talk every day, and it's obvious that we have something very cool. We both have hinted to each other that this could very easily be something long term.

So last night we had a great date. We went out to a nice restaurant for dinner, and then to a haunted forest. We came back to my place, and hung out. We did end up having sex for the first time and he spent the night. We were up until 3:30am.

But here's the problem... this morning at about 6:45 he got up from bed. He woke me, but didn't know that he woke me. I laid in bed, thinking he was just going to the bathroom. But a few minutes later I heard my apartment door shut and realized he was getting in his car. I continued to lay in bed, puzzled, and then figured he was being a total sweetheart and going to get coffee or bagels or something. But, 45 minutes later, he's still not back. I got up, and realized there was a note on the counter. Here's what it said:

"Good morning. Thanks for a great time last yesterday. I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep (strange bed syndrome) and I didn't just want to lay in bed. I took off to head back home. I will call you later."

WTF? My reaction? I'm pissed. Now, I didn't verbalize it to him, but I had plans of another round of morning sex and maybe go out to breakfast. But it never occured to me to talk about what the next morning would be like -- I totally took it for granted that he'd just hang out with me. We both had other things planned for the afternoon, but I assumed that we'd at least spend the first few hours together. He didn't kiss me good bye or wake me in any way. I feel abandoned. I feel self conscious.

How would you feel, how would you react? My first instinct is to tell him that doing that is unacceptable and rude, and that it's pushed me away in the other direction. But then another part of me is wondering if maybe it's really not that big of a deal and should blow it off.

It sucks, because now I am having doubts about whether or not he really DID enjoy himself last night, and if he's having second thoughts about us. Is this his way of saying something without actually saying it? Help!

Tobi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 5:39pm

No I am not discounting her feelings.


I meant too much emphasis is being placed on this thread.... it is possible to run things into the ground.


And even Tobi, realized that she had over reacted somewhat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 5:54pm

Maybe that type of thought process where she talked herself into the fact that she overreacted is the problem when we date men. I personally think she was right on for being concerned about this but that's just me.

Fluffy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 8:19pm

I think she's felt pretty good about it

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 5:39am

I actually agree with Fluffy - and saying: 'You might dump him over this, but most of us would not, including the OP.' You are missing the point she is trying to make, IMO. The way I see it, after 7-8 dates, if he can't roll over, give her a hug and tell her he can't sleep and he's going home or whatever, some kind of 'in person' communication as opposed to a note, it does sound a bit odd.. It would be one thing if they'd only had a couple of dates and were still in that early awkward stage, but having had that many dates, he should have been comfortable enough to wake her. I don't think the issue is whether or not this is a dealbreaker, just that it might be cause for concern and that she should definitely keep her eyes and ears open.

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 7:33am

I completely agree she should keep her eyes and ears open.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 8:24am
Fluffy, there ARE people that think the guy's behavior was odd.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 8:50am

Chill....he will be back. I mean he left you a note. I don't see any BS in anything that he did, leaving you a note is actually pretty cool.

I do agree with the strange bed syndrom, I can't sleep in another womens bed initially.

Maybe you should have shared your expectations for morning sex and bagels with him. Maybe he would have slept on your couch if he couldn't sleep in your bed, and then gone for the aforementioned.

One other thing, don't ask too many questions, just believe what he said and go with it. Call him and say nothing more than "I missed you in my bed this morning" and leave it at that.

Be cool!

Matt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 9:01am
I think you are over reacting. Just see what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 11:32am
Ok...maybe it's just me who thinks it is strange for a man to get out of a bed that has a naked horny woman in it simply because he can't sleep...literally!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 5:33pm

Folks, I've asked this once already... the OP (orginal poster) decided upon her course of action and acted upon it. Please, let this thread die. There are other threads that could use your attentions.


Please, let's just agree to disagree here. I think we have all voiced our opinions on this, beating them into the ground will not make others change their minds...


Thanks!


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