"you just aren't into me", she says...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
"you just aren't into me", she says...
8
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 6:40pm

She contacted me through Chemistry.Com... we traded emails, telephone conversations, and then met. We have spent parts of the last three weekends together since we only live about 100 miles from each other. Anyway, after spending part of this last weekend together, I get an email where she doubts the future of seeing each other because I am just "not that much into her"...

Ive told her how I feel about her and us.. we have a great time when we are together.. we laugh, cut up... its all good... I have to admit that I've been rather slow and steady on where we go when we are kissing... I dont want to scare her away... and Im trying to be respectful...

Anyway... my question...

Is it possible that I am not moving fast enough, physically?? Does she want me to be more aggressive?? She has said several times that "we arent committed to each other, you know..." Is that a signal that she wants me to enter into an exclusive relationship??

HELP!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I need feedback... I don't want to blow this... Thanks in advance.

Jim

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

I think you need to talk to her about that...we can only guess what she is getting at. ASK her what she means!

Although frankly, I think that her sending an email like that is a red flag. I mean, what kind of thing is that to say on email??? It sounds like game-playing to me. And what exactly IS she expecting early on if she doesn't think spending time together 3 weekends in a row shows that you are into her??

I don't know, I'd be a little leery...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 10:53pm
We cant know what she wants - i say ask her. There isnt any other way TO know. It does sound a BIT like she may be playing games, so thats why, early on like this, get what she wants from her & go from there. Good luck!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
hi, I agree with the other replies, does sound like she is a "game player", find out the real truth, if she is capable of that, and make a decision.. good luck! anne
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006

I am not sure why you all are saying she is playing games. I agree that the only way the originial poster is going to know is to ask her, but her saying that she feels like he isnt into her could be her way of expressing that she is not getting what she needs out of the relationship. It sounds like the two of them need to have a talk about expectations. ie how much time is enough time, maybe she feels that he is not spending enough time with her.....there are too many variables here for us to guess........

I have told a guy to make a decision, either you are into me and want to make time or your not. I dont feel that was a game. I was very up front and said I was not happy being really low on his list of priorties....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
hi, thanks for your truthful reply, you may be right, maybe she is feeling like he isnt making her a priority in his life, .. I guess we shouldnt really jump to conclusions about ones emotions...thanks..anne
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 12:11am

Thank you all for your responses. This email came after a weekend where we had a great Friday night together. Since she had her son that weekend, I had a hotel room, and she told me that she would call me the next morning (Saturday) and we would have lunch. I waited until 2.00 PM (which I felt was more than enough), called her, and she said she was busy and had forgotten. I wouldnt forget something like that... I think in retrospect, I know the answers to my questions.

Anyway.. thanks for your replies.

Jim

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 12:41am

Hmm...that sounds to me like she's the one who isn't all that into you, not the other way around! Now, if she reached that decision in response to feeling that you weren't that into her for some reason (which can certainly make someone lose interest--I know I can lose at least some interest in a guy if he's not clearly showing his interest in me), then it's unfortunate that she didn't speak up about that and find out if her perception had any validity, rather than deciding only based on her perception.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003

I agree that it sounds like she is the one playing games. Since you live 100 miles apart, its impossible to be together every waking moment that you aren't at work. And if you're corresponding through emails and phone calls during the week, AND have spent part of the part 3 weekends together...why would she think you're not that into her? If I spent a wonderful friday night with a guy, I certainly wouldn't forget a lunch date the next day...child or no child...unless it was a terribly trying and hectic morning..and even then, I think I would call to say I'm sorry later in the day when I did remember. Then she says "you know, we're not committed to each other."...doesn't like like she wants you to commit to her. Sounds more like a forewarning to me...something you would say to someone if you were dating other people, etc. You're just going to have to just come out and ask her what it is she wants and expects of the relationship.

Jeanie