"you just aren't into me", she says...
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| Tue, 07-25-2006 - 6:40pm |
She contacted me through Chemistry.Com... we traded emails, telephone conversations, and then met. We have spent parts of the last three weekends together since we only live about 100 miles from each other. Anyway, after spending part of this last weekend together, I get an email where she doubts the future of seeing each other because I am just "not that much into her"...
Ive told her how I feel about her and us.. we have a great time when we are together.. we laugh, cut up... its all good... I have to admit that I've been rather slow and steady on where we go when we are kissing... I dont want to scare her away... and Im trying to be respectful...
Anyway... my question...
Is it possible that I am not moving fast enough, physically?? Does she want me to be more aggressive?? She has said several times that "we arent committed to each other, you know..." Is that a signal that she wants me to enter into an exclusive relationship??
HELP!!!!!!!!
Seriously, I need feedback... I don't want to blow this... Thanks in advance.
Jim

I think you need to talk to her about that...we can only guess what she is getting at. ASK her what she means!
Although frankly, I think that her sending an email like that is a red flag. I mean, what kind of thing is that to say on email??? It sounds like game-playing to me. And what exactly IS she expecting early on if she doesn't think spending time together 3 weekends in a row shows that you are into her??
I don't know, I'd be a little leery...
Sheri
I am not sure why you all are saying she is playing games. I agree that the only way the originial poster is going to know is to ask her, but her saying that she feels like he isnt into her could be her way of expressing that she is not getting what she needs out of the relationship. It sounds like the two of them need to have a talk about expectations. ie how much time is enough time, maybe she feels that he is not spending enough time with her.....there are too many variables here for us to guess........
I have told a guy to make a decision, either you are into me and want to make time or your not. I dont feel that was a game. I was very up front and said I was not happy being really low on his list of priorties....
Thank you all for your responses. This email came after a weekend where we had a great Friday night together. Since she had her son that weekend, I had a hotel room, and she told me that she would call me the next morning (Saturday) and we would have lunch. I waited until 2.00 PM (which I felt was more than enough), called her, and she said she was busy and had forgotten. I wouldnt forget something like that... I think in retrospect, I know the answers to my questions.
Anyway.. thanks for your replies.
Jim
Hmm...that sounds to me like she's the one who isn't all that into you, not the other way around! Now, if she reached that decision in response to feeling that you weren't that into her for some reason (which can certainly make someone lose interest--I know I can lose at least some interest in a guy if he's not clearly showing his interest in me), then it's unfortunate that she didn't speak up about that and find out if her perception had any validity, rather than deciding only based on her perception.
Sheri
I agree that it sounds like she is the one playing games. Since you live 100 miles apart, its impossible to be together every waking moment that you aren't at work. And if you're corresponding through emails and phone calls during the week, AND have spent part of the part 3 weekends together...why would she think you're not that into her? If I spent a wonderful friday night with a guy, I certainly wouldn't forget a lunch date the next day...child or no child...unless it was a terribly trying and hectic morning..and even then, I think I would call to say I'm sorry later in the day when I did remember. Then she says "you know, we're not committed to each other."...doesn't like like she wants you to commit to her. Sounds more like a forewarning to me...something you would say to someone if you were dating other people, etc. You're just going to have to just come out and ask her what it is she wants and expects of the relationship.
Jeanie