You replied to my e-mail - let's meet

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
You replied to my e-mail - let's meet
4
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 10:41pm

I posted a profile on match.com. I replied to one guy who e-mailed and his reply was that we should meet ASAP at a local coffee house. He e-mailed the next afternoon to meet. Then he resent that third e-mail four days later. I know I'm being rude but I haven't responded.

He creeped me out with how fast he wanted to meet. He hardly even responded to my e-mail. At least he wants to meet at his hangout -- a popular coffeehouse.

His profile also has some warning signs that he was recently hurt (constant mentions of honesty and wanting a girl who doesn't play games). Other than that, his profile would be attractive.

My instincts tell me that this is not a guy for me to date. He's recently hurt and looking for a fast cure in a new relationship.

Should I give him a chance?

My friends who feel I should be more proactive about dating think I should (they feel my problem in dating is ruling people out too fast and being too selective). Or that I should meet with him just in case he is a good guy and I'm wrong - at least I'd have a good story.

My other friends who feel he is too desperate and I should listen to my instincts (they feel I should do what I like and the guy will come along - I tried that approach and got no dates).

Any ideas?




Edited 2/12/2005 10:43 pm ET ET by arclandia
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 10:43pm
The consensus seems to be to avoid those who are moving fast. This guy seems to be moving at the speed of sound.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 10:47pm

I agree. You don't want to drag things out too long, but you do want to get to know the person a little bit before you meet. I'd let this one go. Go with your gut...that's something you really need to do with OLD, IMHO. If it feels wrong, it probably is.

Robyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 11:37am

Hi,

I'm new here but here's my two cents: It doesn't sound like this guy is doing anything unordinary to me. In fact he seems like he is following the advice I have heen given on another thread- which is to not spend too much time chatting before the date. If he is local and the coffee shop is a public place nearby I see no reason to waste time getting to know someone by email or phone if there is an appropriate place to meet quickly like that to see if there is any attraction. If you have an opportunity to get to "know" someone in person and it's not long distance than why not take it? Anything else is BS and stalling in my opinion. At least he is not doing that.

Another thing; I agree with your friends that are telling you that you are being too picky. Unless you are leaving something out, you said that he has done or said nothing wrong and the only thing he has said in his profile that "red flagged" you was that he has been hurt before and doesn't want to go through it again.....Huh? THAT'S IT?? That's NOT a red flag BTW. He may just be being honest and you are reading WAY too much into it. That's the problem with net dating (among others) IMO. Just an innocent statement like that is enough to have some people screaming NEEDY. I suppose the alternative would be to date guys that never have been hurt - then guess what? You can bet THEY are the ones doing the dumping....

I wish you luck, but my best advice is to lighten up....If you aren't getting "danger" red flags, the only ones I look for right off the bat BTW, then you may be missing out on lots of good people because you are overanalyzing.

Just my opinion.

Take Care,

Deborah

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 3:51pm

I say definitely go with your instincts. I've found that most of the time if I 've followed my gut, I was dead on. Sometimes unfortunately. Plus, isn't doesn't sound like a good idea. If he's out of a recent breakup he may be looking for some quick emotional crutch to fill the void. I know I've been there.

I say trust your gut, it knows what it's talking about.