for your entertainment :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
for your entertainment :)
38
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 7:49pm

I thought this intro was refreshingly funny:
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Get off your Lopez and holla. I'm a pianist on the verge of becoming a doctor. In fact, I've just recorded a divorce album, including such classics as "Stormy Weather" and "I'll Never Fall in Love Again." I'll try anything once, excluding the following: walks on the beach, running on the beach, clasping hands on the beach. My ideal date? After we cavort around three separate beaches, you will don a grass skirt, a coconut bikini top, and blather on and on about how you just haven't "figured things out yet." Then you will read me Kierkegaard with an astonishingly accurate Danish accent, all the while sipping a wine we deem to have a crepuscular descent. Then, at approximately eighteen past the hour, chemistry will commence. Once chemistry is intact, we shall enjoy hours of witty banter that will focus on the following topics: Al Roker just isn't the same since the stomach stapling; what IS spam?; gosh kittens are cute, but then they grow up, don't they? I celebrate the following: decisive, proactive women who can view the world through the lens of hilarity and absurdity. I plan to move forward with the final stages of my newest candy product: Lo-Pez. It's like Pez, but the head you lift to retrieve the tasty treat is replaced by J.Lo's plentiful posterior. I tend to favor the hyperpolyphony of Godowsky over Josquin, but hey, that's just me. I rock and indeed have been known to roll over the overwhelming originality of Primus instead of the disturbingly bland musings of my good friend and golfin' buddy, Josh Groban. A few of my favorite things: chicken makhni (spicy level 3), irony, the unknown, Judge Judy's tenacity, analysis, Joyce's interior monologue, Emerson's self-reliance; breaking the bindings on books; Big Banana Blowouts; James Spader's sarcasm; being asked questions; Bill Maher's irreverence; people with inflection in their voices; Jon Stewart's schtick; Ricky Gervais' humanity.

Looks are not important, but you must be extraordinarily hot. I'm talking about the body of a Catherine Zeta-Jones, the assertiveness of a Catherine the Great, the streaked hair of a Della Reese, the radiant eyes of a Barbara Bush, the ambiguous orientation of a Tina Fey, the synaptic activity of a Jessica Simpson, the tortured tenacity of a Joan of Arc, the seductive sauciness of Rosie O'Donnell's understudy and the ethnic irony of a Sara Silverman. Throw in a touch of Bea Arthur and simmer...gently, gently now. May I speak freely? Thanks. Despite the advances in gender equality, I'm constantly amazed how many women fall back into the stereotypical, reactive, indecisive role of helpless spinster. I'm not a hunter; the orange vest clashes with my wannabe-hipster sensibilities. Although, now that we're allowed to own AK47s, I just might reconsider. I don't view marriage, children as inevitabilities, simply choices. My name is *** and I approved this message.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 8:28pm
What's going on with the dude from last week?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 8:28pm
In his profile he says he makes less than $25000 a year and his profession - retired. Got to love him, so cute :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 8:31pm
I found it hard to navigate the big words. Great concept. Execution is written at a graduate level. Probably works if that's all he wants to attract.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 8:31pm

He never called. Oh well.

I was sort of wondering if he didn't call because he didn't think I was all that interested, because I didn't get all gushy googly eyed when he said he'd call me.

Or maybe he just didn't enjoy himself.

Or maybe he can't stand having a girl beat him at pool.

Who the he!! knows?

What are you up to this weekend? I'm cooking for the hordes on Sunday.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 8:31pm
Will you give him my number? LOL


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 8:32pm
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I am with you on this one. This is why I am at home tonight.
BTW - I told this guy that Tammy Faye has nothing on me :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 8:33pm
I definitely think his ad was pretty freakin' funny!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 8:35pm
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No way :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 8:37pm
Oh well...let him know if he's up for a LDR with a 40 year old, I'm here. LMAO


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 8:47pm

His loss cuz you would at least have been a great friend. And since he's new to the area I would have thought he could have used a buddy. Could you call him? Or are you not that interested?

This weekend I am holding the couch down with my butt. It has been an incredibly intense week at work - long hours, boss here from Tucson, burying ourselves in 5 budgets from the 5 different jobs, PLUS my assistant was gone for half the week thus everything bottlenecked at my desk. I may go in this weekend - depends on how good that couch feels and how tired I get of perusing the net. I wonder if a person can get eye cancer from staring at computer screens day in and day out....lol. And I'd REALLY like to relieve some tension...hee hee hee.

What are ya cooking? I'm sure it's fabulous!