for your entertainment :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
for your entertainment :)
38
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 7:49pm

I thought this intro was refreshingly funny:
-------------------------------
Get off your Lopez and holla. I'm a pianist on the verge of becoming a doctor. In fact, I've just recorded a divorce album, including such classics as "Stormy Weather" and "I'll Never Fall in Love Again." I'll try anything once, excluding the following: walks on the beach, running on the beach, clasping hands on the beach. My ideal date? After we cavort around three separate beaches, you will don a grass skirt, a coconut bikini top, and blather on and on about how you just haven't "figured things out yet." Then you will read me Kierkegaard with an astonishingly accurate Danish accent, all the while sipping a wine we deem to have a crepuscular descent. Then, at approximately eighteen past the hour, chemistry will commence. Once chemistry is intact, we shall enjoy hours of witty banter that will focus on the following topics: Al Roker just isn't the same since the stomach stapling; what IS spam?; gosh kittens are cute, but then they grow up, don't they? I celebrate the following: decisive, proactive women who can view the world through the lens of hilarity and absurdity. I plan to move forward with the final stages of my newest candy product: Lo-Pez. It's like Pez, but the head you lift to retrieve the tasty treat is replaced by J.Lo's plentiful posterior. I tend to favor the hyperpolyphony of Godowsky over Josquin, but hey, that's just me. I rock and indeed have been known to roll over the overwhelming originality of Primus instead of the disturbingly bland musings of my good friend and golfin' buddy, Josh Groban. A few of my favorite things: chicken makhni (spicy level 3), irony, the unknown, Judge Judy's tenacity, analysis, Joyce's interior monologue, Emerson's self-reliance; breaking the bindings on books; Big Banana Blowouts; James Spader's sarcasm; being asked questions; Bill Maher's irreverence; people with inflection in their voices; Jon Stewart's schtick; Ricky Gervais' humanity.

Looks are not important, but you must be extraordinarily hot. I'm talking about the body of a Catherine Zeta-Jones, the assertiveness of a Catherine the Great, the streaked hair of a Della Reese, the radiant eyes of a Barbara Bush, the ambiguous orientation of a Tina Fey, the synaptic activity of a Jessica Simpson, the tortured tenacity of a Joan of Arc, the seductive sauciness of Rosie O'Donnell's understudy and the ethnic irony of a Sara Silverman. Throw in a touch of Bea Arthur and simmer...gently, gently now. May I speak freely? Thanks. Despite the advances in gender equality, I'm constantly amazed how many women fall back into the stereotypical, reactive, indecisive role of helpless spinster. I'm not a hunter; the orange vest clashes with my wannabe-hipster sensibilities. Although, now that we're allowed to own AK47s, I just might reconsider. I don't view marriage, children as inevitabilities, simply choices. My name is *** and I approved this message.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 9:07pm

Just not that interested. I mean, if he'd call, I'd hang out with him, but I'm not pursuing anything.

I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat. I wish I could find some couch time. Tomorrow is going to be insane. I'll be up at the crack of dawn and go until late.

Sunday I'm doing hot lettuce, baked ham, browned potatos, creamed corn, brussels sprouts, and coconut cake. Same Easter meal for my family for the past hundred years. LOL

Sorry to hear work sucked. I'm on the other end of the spectrum. Nothing to do. I'm going to have to put some effort into finding a new job. I just can't take the boredom anymore.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 11:27pm

Okay, so people complain if the profile is really trite and stupid and people have something to complain about if the profile is really original.

So if it's good, the you are "getting sucked in by a good profile".

That is the best profile I have ever read...

It is worth meeting the guy...if he's a jerk it will become evident.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 7:48am
Did you totally miss the humor she and I sharing? And the post where I said I'd meet him based soley on his profile, even without a picture? Somebody pee on your Wheaties this morning?


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 8:09am

Hi Iv,

See...I Like that kind of creativity! His sense of humor is right up my alley. I wrote to a man like that Just to tell him that his profile made me laugh, and thank you for that! His said, "I am lookin for a mustard green eatin' widder woman "--So "Texas", and making Fun of it--love it!

Well, he did not have a photo posted, did this man? He sent me one. and he was Not my type at all, sadly, but we did correspond for a bit.

If we could Just find someone with all of the 'oars in the water'...or maybe 75% would do?

Keep searching and if he is verge cute, I would write this guy!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 8:18am

No one pissed on my "wheaties", but everyone is always complaining about one thing or another on this board.

Next time try putting a smiley face or something of that sort on the message and chill sister!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:08am
That's the funniest profile I've read too. I'd definitely respond, even if he didn't have a photo posted. Unfortunately he's too young for me :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:56am

"Despite the advances in gender equality, I'm constantly amazed how many women fall back into the stereotypical, reactive, indecisive role of helpless spinster."

This was my favorite line.

All I know is this guy is WAAAAYYY too smart for me. I would bore him to tears.

KITB

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 10:02am
Cupcake, you and I were separated at birth :) Whenever I read your post - I think - yea, that's me. I totally get your humor and your personality speaks to me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 10:06am
I forgot to mention, his title line was:
"My hair is still my strength" :)


Edited 3/26/2005 11:16 am ET ET by ivos2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 10:14am
So he's Samson? Nice. I gotta see this guy's pic. He may be a triple threat.