for your entertainment :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
for your entertainment :)
38
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 7:49pm

I thought this intro was refreshingly funny:
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Get off your Lopez and holla. I'm a pianist on the verge of becoming a doctor. In fact, I've just recorded a divorce album, including such classics as "Stormy Weather" and "I'll Never Fall in Love Again." I'll try anything once, excluding the following: walks on the beach, running on the beach, clasping hands on the beach. My ideal date? After we cavort around three separate beaches, you will don a grass skirt, a coconut bikini top, and blather on and on about how you just haven't "figured things out yet." Then you will read me Kierkegaard with an astonishingly accurate Danish accent, all the while sipping a wine we deem to have a crepuscular descent. Then, at approximately eighteen past the hour, chemistry will commence. Once chemistry is intact, we shall enjoy hours of witty banter that will focus on the following topics: Al Roker just isn't the same since the stomach stapling; what IS spam?; gosh kittens are cute, but then they grow up, don't they? I celebrate the following: decisive, proactive women who can view the world through the lens of hilarity and absurdity. I plan to move forward with the final stages of my newest candy product: Lo-Pez. It's like Pez, but the head you lift to retrieve the tasty treat is replaced by J.Lo's plentiful posterior. I tend to favor the hyperpolyphony of Godowsky over Josquin, but hey, that's just me. I rock and indeed have been known to roll over the overwhelming originality of Primus instead of the disturbingly bland musings of my good friend and golfin' buddy, Josh Groban. A few of my favorite things: chicken makhni (spicy level 3), irony, the unknown, Judge Judy's tenacity, analysis, Joyce's interior monologue, Emerson's self-reliance; breaking the bindings on books; Big Banana Blowouts; James Spader's sarcasm; being asked questions; Bill Maher's irreverence; people with inflection in their voices; Jon Stewart's schtick; Ricky Gervais' humanity.

Looks are not important, but you must be extraordinarily hot. I'm talking about the body of a Catherine Zeta-Jones, the assertiveness of a Catherine the Great, the streaked hair of a Della Reese, the radiant eyes of a Barbara Bush, the ambiguous orientation of a Tina Fey, the synaptic activity of a Jessica Simpson, the tortured tenacity of a Joan of Arc, the seductive sauciness of Rosie O'Donnell's understudy and the ethnic irony of a Sara Silverman. Throw in a touch of Bea Arthur and simmer...gently, gently now. May I speak freely? Thanks. Despite the advances in gender equality, I'm constantly amazed how many women fall back into the stereotypical, reactive, indecisive role of helpless spinster. I'm not a hunter; the orange vest clashes with my wannabe-hipster sensibilities. Although, now that we're allowed to own AK47s, I just might reconsider. I don't view marriage, children as inevitabilities, simply choices. My name is *** and I approved this message.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 10:26am


That Lo-Pez idea is a keeper!!! Hurry and get a patent!

Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 10:59am
OK, I have been talking to this guy now, he is incredible. Originally he had in his profile women 24 to 32. He changed it to 24 to 35(my age). I think we are onto something here. His sense of humor is incredible but would be interesting to get to see what is he really made of :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 11:01am
Do you mean talking on the phone?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 11:04am
No, e-mail. Sorry for the confusion. This is all very new. I stumbled on his profile late last night.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 8:45pm
Thanks for dictating how I'm supposed to post. I'll take it will all the due consideration it merits.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 8:50pm
Hilarious!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 8:57pm
Yes, he is cute and smart. He is PhD.
I figured, I would do the holla with him. :) However so not to repeat my last mistake - will take my time and play by the "rules" first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 8:22pm
Ivos, I really want to meet this guy! Maybe he's too young, too far away, or too egotistic, but he sounds like a fabulous person to know. Can you tell me where to find his profile (which site)?

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