Your experitse is needed for my friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Your experitse is needed for my friend
17
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 3:05pm

Ok Ladies, pull up a chair and put on a pot of Burbon. This is for my guy friend. I think he should try online dating again. But I bet my newbie advice is nothing compared to what you guys can offer, so Northwest, amjay,sparkles, jodi, etc...Let's help a man out!!!

He tried Match a while ago. First off about him, he rocks!! He is my best friend and the nicest gentleman ever. The thing is that he really treats girls too well. They take advantage and string him along. He is a hottie, with a lot of personality. This guy can always crack you up. So back to the online stuff. He tried it, and went on two meets. He said that the picture was not them at all. And for others he couldn't get past the emailing. And when it did, not past the phone calls. I told him that it takes patience and a lot of getting used to. But that mainly it was for fun. I want him to find a great girl, so I am looking to one of the greatest bunches I know. As a woman OLDing what advice would you give to a man? Any helpful suggestions or words of encouragement. I told him I was posting this and he will check the thread. So he will se it directly. No please girls, lets get this awesome fish swimming in the untamed sometimes scary waters of OLD!!! Thanks as always

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 3:13pm

Is he looking for a possible LTR? Then IMO he needs to avoid any women who have seductive pics (such as the one in the bikini with her boobs hanging out that one woman had on Hooking Up last week). He should be looking for a general aura of someone who has her act together, and a sensible but flattering set of pics is one indicator. Also several pics rather than one.

Also avoid any women who seem to have a lot of drama going on in their lives, or who are looking for someone to "save" them.

It takes a lot of trial and error, but hopefully he will eventually learn what works and what doesn't. And there's a little bit of luck involved as well ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 3:13pm
Where does he live? I'll date him. I look like my picture and I'm nice too.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 3:39pm
We live in Atlanta. He really is an awesome catch!!! Ya'll are offering some great advice, keep it comin'.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 3:43pm
Darnit, I'm in PA. Well it was worth a try. I say if he had bad luck on match, try yahoo or another site. Be sure to ask girls if their picture is a current one. OLD is a lot like regular dating, it doesn't always work out, there are just more chances to find someone when trying OLD.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 3:47pm

Sheri offered some great advice as always. I would also add, tell him to stay away from girls that want to IM all the time, I realize that it's a good way to communicate but it tends to lead to too much time spent on the computer and not getting to the point, which is actually meeting someone. I would also suggest not getting on the E-train (too many emails) before offering his phone number or asking if he can call them. After moving to the phone and there is a mutual desire to meet he should suggest it ASAP so as not to build false expectations.

And by all means tell him that you have to have a thick skin for OLD, but that doesn't mean he can't still be a good guy. ;-)

Good luck to him!

Libra

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 5:04pm

I am told by my sister that I am too nice and it has worked against me also at times. This is from my younger sister (33) who is a total B@%#@ to her guys and they love her!

I wouldn't want to be like her, but am working at being more assertive in what I require and want in a relationship and to not let guys walk all over me. I have learned not to change plans with my girlfriends when a man wants to go out and to live my life as I want it.

Your friend sounds like a really nice guy. The only thing he can do is get out there and try online dating.

* He will do much better(get more replies and interest) if he posts pictures.

* Ask the ladies how recent their pics are (many people post old pics).

* Don't chat too long before having a face to face meeting as expectations can rise and
disappointment can be hurtful if there is no attraction or chemistry there

* Realize there are people online just looking for sex (usually have sexual references
in their profiles)

* Don't believe everything people write in a profile, many depict themselves as they
would like to be not as they really are

* Avoid emailing forever before meeting as there are people who never intend to meet
anyone ( a few are fine)

* State in his profile what he wants in a relationship - whether looking for casual
dating, friendship, or the possibility of a LTR (long term relationship)

* Try to have at least one phone conversation before meeting face to face as you can
learn about a person from the phone conversation and may want to avoid meeting at all
and try to use a cell instead of a home phone so they can't get info on you as easily

* I try to meet within a two week time from the start of interest and not let it drag out
forever until we meet (of course this can be longer with some circumstances). He
should suggest specific days to meet to get her commited to meeting and if she keeps
avoiding the issue then let her go and say next! After all most *are* doing OLD to meet
people for possible relationships, not just to chat and IM forever!

* I keep first meets short so if there is no interest I don't have to try to talk so much
when I know we aren't clicking. I like to meet at coffee houses, nice bars, for
lunch, and sometimes for dinner (but usually avoid doing dinner first meets).

* If a first meet doesn't work out don't let it get to you personally. We all have
personal preferences such as height, body style, etc. and just because
we don't appeal to this person's preferences (or they to ours), does not mean we are
undesirable people. Physical traits can not usually be changed.

Well those are some things I've learned. If you friend decides to do online dating, I wish him much luck. Nice guys are hard to find. I wish he lived in MI! ;)

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 6:45pm

You can meet a psycho in a bar or at the grocery store as easily as you can meet one online. It's important to be safe when meeting someone new regardless of how you met them.




Edited 8/16/2005 6:45 pm ET ET by firstamendment

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 8:35pm

Back to the original post --

Lolly, would your friend be willing to post his profile info? That way he could get some feedback from the board chicks. Otherwise, I can't really say why he's having back luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 10:10am
I don't know, I think that OLD is for some people and not others. I don't have much luck with it either and get a lot of deceitful people, others have great experiences with it. Maybe OLD isn't for him, maybe joining classes, clubs etc. my be a better gig.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 5:10pm
All of your responses have been so great!! Aside from the few that got deleted, that I didn't see. So whoever it is that wanted to hurt me with your post, or tried to get my password to this site, Ha! Because you didn't and you don't even get the hurtful satisfaction, because I didn't see them. Thanks to my girls for backin' it up! May I offer some optimism: That guy that I was moving fast with, got busy with work. So it naturally slowed down, with out any scheming. We still see each other about three times a week and talk on the phone a lot. We have built a great friendship, and relationship as well. I couldn't find a nicer, more gentle man. Literally, this guy treats me better than I have ever been treated. I think it may be because he is older and more mature. I don't know, but I was being so hurt by men. I had almost given up on the idea that there are good guys out there. I think my guy friends and brother are who gave me so much hope. But without having done OLD I would have never met him. He isn't your psysho, ugly, lying, jerk, moron that sits at a computer all day. He has a very busy social life and finds time to include me. He tried OLD with a friend. Just for fun. This site helped me soo much. Sheri snagged me from another messagboard where I was dying for help after just being used. I needed friends aside from those that I had at the time. So if you don't like our board, please understand that for some of us, it helped in ways you can't understand. But obviously, we are happy. We enjoy each other and we are all here to help one another. My friend is going to work on getting a good picture, and a profile for you all to critique. So, you all inspired me, I found my match, and now maybe he will too. Ladies, pat yourselves on the back. And here is a big hug and smile from me!!!! Thank you.

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