In your opinion

Avatar for Kendahke1
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Registered: 08-09-2012
In your opinion
19
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 5:44pm

I'm thinking of giving it another shot, but before I plunk down money on a site that may not have what they say they do, I want to do some research from those who are doing the OLD thingy.

for a 53 yr old woman, in your opinion, which would be dating site I should try and why do you suggest it?

thanks.

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Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 11:34pm

white_satin wrote:
<p>I'm with the others that EH is a big waste of money. OLD is about having access to a lot of people since it's so hard to find mutual attraction. The gimmicky pre-matching has no scientific merits.  It's based on superficial personal preferences that make for intersting conversation starters but there are lots of people that you can have a conversation with that don't have other important core values you want. In addition, like any OLD, given the fleeting moment during which you decide whether you want to go out with  someone, people still rely on physical attributes: race, age, looks, wt, ht to feel an initial attraction so it's not different from the other OLD but now they limit your access a significant way.</p><p>POF have lots of low-quality men or maybe it's because of the area I'm in now. Don't know. Their search engine is very poor so even when you want to choose the men yourself, you can't design a search to fit what you're looking for.</p><p>I've heard sporatic good comments about OKCupid including from a gf of mine. Havn'et tried it.</p><p>I was on Match for the longest time, including a year or so on Match while living in Los Angeles. This was 8 years ago. YOu'd think I'd find someone given my younger age (38 at the time), and location but I found most men were just way to snobbish. I didn't have the stomach for it so haven't been back.</p><p>I'm not on any site now. I'm in  a R/S now. Long story how it evolved...Another subject :)</p><p>BUT, if I was to test the OLD again, I would probably use more than one sites just to increase my exposure. I would use Match again given the large user base. Maybe a free one like OK Cupid. And a niche one. The key is to just put yourself out there and take some knock-em-dead photos.</p><p> </p>

I'm thinking about doing just that. I've re-upped my Match for about 3 months and was thinking that I might go try OKC again--I was on there about 2 years ago, right after my break up, but I think it was too soon for me. I did meet a man and met him for one date--and I really liked him. We had a great first meeting, or so I thought. We met for dinner and laughed and talked til the place closed. He emailed me afterwards saying what a good time he had and was looking forward to our next date. He called me once during the week (we'd gone out on a Friday evening) to reiterate that he was looking forward to seeing me.

On the following Sunday morning, I got an email from him saying that someone had come back into his life and he wanted to give that another shot, so I got dropped off at the mall.  I was really saddened by that because I really liked him.  We'd spent about 2 months doing site emails, then personal emails then phone calls before we met in person.  So after that, I took down all of my info on that site and just tended to my healing over my last relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 11:32am

Ken,

I'm like you in that I take defeat too hard. A book aptly coined the phrase 'date like a woman'. I recently had a 5-month correspondence with a man in Belgium. The visit which occured in September put an end to it. After that I was so utterly exhausted that I didn't date for a while.  Now the guy is back on the site. Truth to be told I still have some fond memories of our friendship but the R/S doesn't have a chance b/c of fundamental differences. Sadly at this old age, people don't change. 

I was on OLD for a long time off and on mainly for that reason. You can go for a long time w/o any good prospect then one shows up that excites you then it dies. Everytime it's a heartbreak. I think you have to say aloud to yourself and do ETF, put conscious effort into getting over your disappointment because it doesn't affect the guy that much. I think to a guy there's always another woman out there. We must have the same attitude. Like the book says we need to 'date like a man'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 8:15pm
I used two free sites. OKCupid and another that silps my mind. OKCupid is good. I find the most important thing is to be honest in all your answers especially in the profile and the questions. Although many won't be, you should be. Be careful in meeting for the first few times. Public areas only and drive yourself. Even on the first real date, be careful. There are bad people out there. Talk on the site for quiet a while, then txt or email, then phone. Be sure you are as confident as you can be they are what they say they are. Google them, if you really want to be careful, do an investigation on the many sites that offer that. When they give you their number, Google that and see what comes up. There are free sites for this. Bottom line, be careful and have a way out. You might want to get a Google Voice number to talk to them until you are sure you want to meet. This is how I met my SO and we have been together for over a year. I come here to give out advice and pick up pointers. We were both EXTREMELY HONEST FROM THE START. Honesty keeps down the misunderstandings that crop up. I found several new friends on there, one I still chat with, yes my SO knows about her. Not everyone you converse with has to be for romance. Everyone needs a friend to talk to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 10:07pm

I agree with Hawk, it takes time.  Have honesty o your side, and be frank as to what you are looking for ~

I am okcupid, have been for quite a while.  Met after long interactions like e-mail, phone, etc.  Months usually.  Met a variety I had to throw back.  Humans... Undecided

I have made some nice friends.  I am just frank about dating, and courting.  Not interested in hooking up.  I always have a safety net... read up on OLD safety.  Don't leave yourself vunerable, and keep the BS meter on.  If you are not enjoying yourself by yourself, then you can't share joy with anyone~

Be safe out there, and Happy New Year~!

(yes home on the eve, and not out by choice)

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Registered: 03-03-2010
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 10:11pm

Embarassed

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 6:46pm

So, I've decided to close the OKCupid site, and to join perfectmatch.com, which is Dr. Pepper Schwartz's site. It's got an interesting dating matrix for matching up.  The weird thing is that I live on the East coast, but all of my matches are coming from the west coast in the areas to which I'd like to return. For the time being, though, I'm not trying to get with an LDR, nor am I interested in starting something with someone who is telling me he's willing to relocate in the 2nd email. That gives me the feeling that they're not being realistic about who I am or are not reading my profile because that's the first line in my profile: that I'm not into LDR's.  If things don't work out, then they're stuck out here... and at this point in time, I'm not looking to live with anyone--just date someone for the time being.  And while I do want to move back west, I want to be able to move back and afford to live into my own place and not live with someone, unless it's family.

One thing I've noticed with these guys--when you tell them that you're focusing on your immediate area, then you get this spiel from them that "that doesn't matter to me". Well, it matters to me and I get a say-so here. It's almost bordering on a sense of entitlement in a way--that because they have interest that I owe them something. 

I've still got the Match site going and it's got some nice guys on there that I'm talking to. It's weird because it goes through phases where there is nothing, then a new crop of guys show up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 01-25-2013 - 4:29pm
You're looking for the needle in the haystack but just remember, you won't find the needle without uncovering the haystack one staw at a time :) Good luck out there!
Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 5:42pm

So, I decide to waste a little time and do a search over in England... and I pick a random area--Kensington to be exact--just for "s and g's".  I'm going down the list, go to the second page and there is a picture of a guy who recently contacted me, but he said he lived in Long Beach, CA (part of that wave of guys who live in CA who keep finding my profile).  He was 2 years older, 3 inches shorter and was "single" in the UK; widower in the US.

Then today, someone wanted my information so they could trust me with an investment opportunity.

Dear God in heaven!!!! What is this mess?

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Thu, 02-28-2013 - 9:38pm

I shut down all of my OLD accounts... it's just not my cup of tea.My ex wants to reconnect, so I'm giving that some serious thought.

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