Your thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Your thoughts
4
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 12:07pm
Hi all,

I'm new to this board, not iVillage though or other boards.

So, I've been trying my hand at online dating for some time. It even worked for six months once. I've had a lot of first dates!!! I recently joined Lavalife and have found a few potentials that way. I also am part of eHarmony - and have a strong potential there. So, on LL I met this guy who I thought was wonderful. We have communicated DAILY via email for a week and a half. Literally daily and all day long. We had such a rapport, it was amazing. I felt very close to him, we had so much in common.

So, we scheduled a date for last night. All day at work yesterday, I never heard from him! This is really unusual. Yet, I went about my work-day and all figuring he'd just show up at the scheduled time. He didn't! He didn't call, no email, NOTHING!!!! I just can not believe it! And this is from someone 36...we're not talking an immature kid here. Oh maybe we are! So, I have yet to still hear from him. I decided to go on to LL and check out his profile. It logs that he was on yesterday!!!!!!!!! So, he could go on LL and then not even have the decency to at least kiss me off with an email. I mean, really?

I'd love to email him and just give him a piece of my mind. I suppose that's childish and not worth my time it would take to write the email. But really!

Anyway, just had to vent.

Thanks,

Chantel

p.s. I've not closed the door on any other prospects...I will persevere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: gatee00
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 12:13pm
Welcome to our board!!! glad you made it over!!! Well, it is a mystery to figure out men sometimes, on line or off. lol SO, I guess he wasnt interested after all? Or maybe he forgot? Who knows!! I would send a simple email and state that it was rude to make a planned date and not show. It would have been polite to email you in an ample time to cancel. What he had reservations at a hotel, would he simply not call and loose money in the process? Ask him that one! lol As women, I think these no shows, or no calls should be treated as cancellations and we should start charging for our time!! Oh, wait...then we would be prositutes, right? OK, scratch that. Just only if they cancel then. lol

Anywho. Give him a email and let that one go. No shows, do not deserve second chances when they were on line the very same night. He may think he is slick, so set him straight and dont let him BS you. Just let him go. Goodluck and let us know which sites you like, so we can all get the scoop!


Gail:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
In reply to: gatee00
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 3:48pm
Hi,

I had a very similar experience happen recently from what was supposed to be a 32 year old man. Well if he didn't have the time to meet me for our date, I don't have the time to waste giving him a piece of my mind. That's how I see it. I just forgot about it and moved on. Its not worth the time or energy to fret about people like that, IMHO.

Good luck with future encounters! :o)

Gabi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gatee00
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 10:56pm
hmm, sorry he stood you up :( Not a nice thing to do, but at least early on, you knew what you were dealing with before you got too emtoionally invested.

My advice? After you meet someone in real life, stop e-mailing. Only accept phone calls. I think many people confuse e-mail with intimacy, and it's really not.

Another thing. I remember talking to a male coworker about a new woman he had met and started dating. He was so excited about her- they spent every night together and hours talking.

When I saw him a few weeks later, I asked how his relationship was progressing. "Oh, we broke up" he said. When I asked why, he said "I don't know. After we spent so much time together, she just wasn't as interesting." I've seen this in a LOT of men.

I'm not an advocate of game playing, but I think in the beginning, less is more. I would not be available daily for long e-mails or chats. You want him to know you have an active, happy, busy life without him.

My $0.02, hope it helps!

HS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gatee00
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 8:58am
I have been blown off too, but not stood up - the difference for me was since I didn't email more than a few times - like, three - and talk once, maybe twice and for only a half hour or less, I didn't get attached or imagine any rapport beyond typing so I might have been annoyed, aggravated - and it made a good story - but I wasn't furious. Your situation is a reason I never communicate on line for that long (or, of course, longer) - because of the risk of imagining some rapport or clicking that may have nothing to do with reality - in this case, you had no idea he had the sort of character that would allow him to treat you like that - and likely even weeks more of emailing would never have told you that. Sorry!