10 years later...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
10 years later...
23
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 4:11pm

I met some old coworkers for drinks last night. We all worked together 10 years ago - it was my first job out of college when I was 22.

Anyway, it was great to see them. It's been two years since we all got together, so of course they asked if I was married/seeing anyone, etc. (They all remember the boyfriend I was with for 5 years). Always a bit of a sore spot for me to share any of my back story.

Some of them have started businesses, changed jobs several times, have gotten married, had a few kids, etc.

Because they were such a big part of my life 10 years ago, it was an acute reminder of how my life has/hasn't changed in 10 years. I'm still single - that's the big thing that's the same. My career has moved forward, but on a bit of a winding path. In short, I suppose I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be.

On the plus side, I am so much more confident and like myself a whole lot more than I did then. I make more money. I have a house and a dog. All good things. I suppose thinking about it made me a little blue, but it's not the end of the world by any stretch.

So, what about all of you? Are you where you thought you'd be when you said, "10 years from now, I will..." ?

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 1:35pm
I'm 25 so ten years ago I was 15. I was a sophmore in high school and all I ever thought about was boys, slumber parties, and roller skating. I don't think at that time i even thought ahead to 10 years. Women have so much more going on for us than we did many years back. It used to be the norm to be married by 20 yrs old and have children immediately. Now there is so much more to do and see for us. When i'm 35 i hope i am in a great career in a great city with a slew of friends. If I decided I was ready for a child and there was no man in sight, I would probably adopt. I've always thought about that anyways. I've gotten to the point where im so sick of having no dates that i've started being more open minded and accepting dates with guys i'm not sure I normally would. You never know who will steal your heart. And if if doesn't work, you've made a new friend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 6:55pm
Do no give up on your dream. I am not giving up at 68. Are you doing anything to meet men? I do still believe that one shows up when it is supposed to and I guess i also believe that we don't a;ways know what is best for us or the plan for our life. Just visualize what you want and hold the image. I believe it will happen for you. leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 8:34pm

Ten years ago I was 19 and engaged, planning my wedding. At the time, I didn't want to see past that. And the honest truth is that I wasn't mature enough to really plan my future. I knew that I would be working, and wanted to buy a house, but other than that all I saw was happily ever after. Yeah, right.

Fast forward six years. This is where everything went side ways. The happily ever after of 19 turned into the what the ... just happened when hubby said he wanted a divorce. 2004 went something along the lines of unemployed, seperated, employed, pierced, divorced, and tatooed. The divorce and the marriage itself left me feeling worthless, and my self esteem shattered.

Since then, I've gone back to school, and am half way through with a 4.0, a promotion at work, and feeling better about myself than ever before. Before the divorce, it seemed like life was ending, but the truth was, the divorce was the best thing the ex ever did for me. Where will I be in 10 years? Other then 39 and a college grad, I have no idea. I've done more in the last 3 years than I ever thought possible, and the next 10 years look just as promising.

Brenna

Brenna
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 9:16pm
I am no where near where I thought I would be.... ten years ago at 22, I was just out of college. I had thought meeting guys would have been as easy as it was in college and as I get older, it just gets harder. Blame it on the dwindling numbers of available men to marriage and the fact that as I get older, my priorities might have changed, but I am more picky. I thought I would be married with at least one child and happy. Not a newly turned 32 year old who has seemed to lose every sense of her self these last weeks to a very hard break up. Who would have thought that men still could act like little boys at 38. I guess it is true, some never grow up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 12:14am

I'm going to answer this question even though for me it'll be slightly silly....but oh well. :)

Ten years ago I was only 13 (yes, I'm a baby, I know)...I suppose I'm kind of where I thought I'd be. Despite being from a VERY blue collar family (which I'm proud of, but struggling with now since they don't really understand why I want to go to grad school), I always knew I'd go to college, it was always part of the plan. I knew I wanted to be in Boston (from the first time I set foot in the city), and at the time the only university I really knew anything about was Harvard, but that didn't happen. :)

I didn't think, however, that I'd have anything to do with art/art history...I've always loved to write, but art history wasn't something I was exposed to until late high school/college. I also didn't think I'd finish anything beyond a bachelors, but I'd very seriously considering it now.

Love life-wise, I always used to consider 23 an "adult" age, when I'd have met someone and be on my way to being married. Boy was I wrong! But I'm ok with being single at my age and I realize how young 23 really is. I feel like I'm in that strange half-kid, half-adult stage, but I'm trying to embrace it and the MANY possibilities it holds.

As for ten years from now, I have absolutely no clue what I'll be doing. It's simultaneously invigorating and really scary, but it is what it is and I'll figure it out. I'd like to be doing something that I genuinely care about and hopefully something that I enjoy doing. I'd like to be financially stable enough to be able to buy a place on my own, even if I don't actually do it. I'd PREFER to be in a relationship, but only married if I feel like the rest of my life is mostly in order. Kids? Umm...I'd prefer not, but I wouldn't eliminate the possibility altogether. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 9:50am

"Not a newly turned 32 year old who has seemed to lose every sense of her self these last weeks to a very hard break up. Who would have thought that men still could act like little boys at 38. I guess it is true, some never grow up."

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. I too have also been dealing with a difficult breakup. Difficult in that I still so badly want him back.

Last night I went clubbing with some girlfriends. We got all dolled up, looking hot and ready for a fun night and were pretty disappointed (yet again) to find that we were 3 of maybe 150 pretty dolled up women, there were very, very few good looking men, the only one with the courage to ask me to dance was some 50+ year old and that yet again, the club scene reminds me of how few options we women relly have and how its relly a man's market.

I came home and cried my eyes out because quite honestly, I was having more fun home with my ex, relaxing, watching movies and virtually doing nothing but together than I'm having fun now at with friends trying everything. Nothing has taken the place of that cose intimacy with someone special like I had for a breif time.

And I thought to myself 'is it always going to be like this?' Me at 32, 35, 36, 38, still 'at there' all dolled, trying to meet someone?

Anyway, sorry for this rambling threadjack. I just know how you feel.




Edited 8/26/2007 9:51 am ET by cl214
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 10:23pm

Short answer to your question about being where I'd thought I would be in 10 years' time - no. But, I've learned (and on some days, am still learning) - that life's timing can be different from ours and unique for each of us. I'm still single at 34 (feels like I'm forever trying to change this one), yet life has been filled with blessings and challenges (starting grad school, seeing both of my parents pass on). And yet, I'm for the most part, oddly ok with where I'm at right now.

The title of your post also reminded me of lyrics I heard recently (music tends to speak to me and I'm at a bit of a crossroads right now too - pasted in part of the lyrics below) =). I'm a big fan of being passionate about life (and hopefully making a difference while I'm at it)...

-WF

Ten Years Time (Gabrielle)

"Do you have a vision?
Do you have a goal?
I'm watching you shrugging your shoulders, telling me you just don't know.
Do you get emotional?
Is there something you're passionate about?
I can tell that you're still searching, still trying to work it all out.
It takes time.
Take your time.
You will know when it feels right..........

...Are you a dreamer?
Tell me all your dreams.
Can you say honestly what you want to be?
What would you do when your back's against the wall?
Would you stand on your two feet?
Would you admit defeat?
These are the times we need to be strong.
Don't you know? Don't you know that it's hard?
But we learn.
We find a way.
We got to find away to carry on.

Where you gonna be in ten years' time?..."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 11:57pm

Often we don't know what we are capable of until the rug gets pulled from under our feet. I had the rug pulled from under mine three times. The first time was the hardest. I stumbled and fell and kept nursing my bruises for a long time not knowing what to do. The second time I tripped a little, but managed to regain my balance without falling. The third time I leapt (or 'leaped' if you prefer)-- and landed on a rug bigger, thicker and cozier than I thought was possible !

Since then I have become a firm believer in 'what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:25am

I was 15 and in high school ten years ago. I dont really think I've strayed too far from the path I was on at that time. I was interested in criminals and helping people way back then and my interest area has been narrowed even further into meth addicts, juveniles, gang members and vets. I've been on a pretty straight path in the career area. I didnt have any boyfriends in high school so I didnt have any expectations to be married young or at all. Just 2 years ago at 23 after A ended it with me, I told my mother I dont expect to be married at all. I was always hopeless in the man department and that breakup didnt help that idea.

Health and spiritual wise I wish I was in a better place and I'm working on it slowly but surely. My education is right where I've always wanted it and I'm so very happy about my achievements. My career is on hold temporarily but I expect to have it rolling by next summer. My friendships and R are the best I've ever had. I finally feel like I have reliable, great friends I can rely on anytime.

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 1:54pm

I love seeing everyone's replies and hearing everyone's unique histories-in-a-nutshell.

I especially love how the responses vary from a 23-year-old to a 68-year-old. Proof that dreams begin young and that we never lose them - although they might change a bit in the span of a lifetime. Part of what makes life beautiful, I think. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.