4 Steps to Meeting Someone

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
4 Steps to Meeting Someone
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Sat, 11-19-2005 - 10:30pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 6:30am

Trick #2: Be the one to talk first…
Anyone can talk back to someone, but real people-meeters know the trick is starting a chat out of the blue. Susan RoAne, author of How to Create Your Own Luck and What Do I Say Next, says the secret lies in seeing the world around you as full of opportunities to talk, versus waiting to be spoken to.

How to do it: In order to break the ice with people you want to date, it helps to start with people you’d normally never speak to—say, the married guy in another department at work or a grandma at the bus stop. Since you’re not worried about whether they’ll shoot you down, you can truly be yourself and get used to talking to perfect strangers. “You have to get comfortable doing it, or you’ll hesitate when you see someone in particular who you want to talk to,” says RoAne. “If you have to think about what to say or feel self-conscious, you’ll hesitate, and the moment will be gone,” she says.

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I think this is an excellent guide. I agree 100% with Trick 2 and I often advise shy people to practice the "how to do it". I am always doing it in the real world and I make conversation with new people all the time, many of them dateable! I have difficulty asking them for their number though :-(

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 10:11am

Hal, that's the hardest one for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 11:55am

>I guess I assume people just don't want to be talked to.

In only a few situations I would say that this is true. But in most cases I don't try to start a lengthy conversation.

>How do you decide who you talk to?

I don’t decide and I think this is the point the article is making. The hardest part is not deciding WHO to talk to but instead WHAT I should say. It is a game of numbers so the idea is to talk to everyone! :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 7:06am
I thought that was a very good article. I have found that it is easier for a woman to initiate a conversation with a strange man than for the man to do so. I think the reason is women are taught to be cautious around men they don't know so that little bit of caution is enough to inhibit a man. I would still encourage men to initiate conversations with women but just do so in a non-threatening manner, (keep the conversation light, respect personal space, etc).
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 2:29am

>I guess I assume people just don't want to be talked to.

I thought about this yesterday when I was in the sauna at the gym. There is a woman I like and often see there but she seems aloof and I never thought I would be able to break the ice. After swimming in the pool she came into the sauna. I didn't know what to say so I asked her how many laps she swam and her entire demeanour changed. She smiled and answered. We had a nice conversation and I made her laugh a few times. When she left she said, "It was nice talking to you".

Is this a good sign?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 8:20am

Excellent sign. You should make it a point to talk to her again. You will know she is interested in you if after a couple of times of you initiating the conversation, she'll begin initiating it.

Good luck!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 1:16pm

Yep, that's a good sign.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 4:55pm

I read this article the other day and vowed to try some of the tips.

I have successfully worked up to eye contact and smiling, but I just can't seem to open my mouth to say anything.

Of course, the last guy I smiled at in the grocery store this weekend turned out to be with a girlfriend (I didn't know) who made a beeline across the store to grab her honey's hand when she saw me.

OOPS...and, ha! Glad to know I'm a threat. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 5:02pm

Hal,

Very good sign! I think WHAT you said made all the difference. You could have said "you're cute" and she might have run away. But, what you said put her at ease and opened the door to conversation. It broke down that barrier of her being in her own world.

Have any non-threatening lines for we ladies to use? I can never think of anything to say that doesn't sound contrived.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 4:31pm
well, i have tried a couple of them. I thank you for the url and tips. I will put the others to the test. thanks again.

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