50+ women not "dreamy" enough according to this man

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
50+ women not "dreamy" enough according to this man
8
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 9:02am

I stumbled upon this link on HuffPo (who knew they had a a section called "Post50"? There's a video on there by a guy (married and divorced twice) explaining why he likes to date younger women. He says, "The women that I've met closer to my age seem to be less dreamy... more jaded is the word I would use, because they've had so many bad experiences with men," Reiner said. "It's not how I feel. I still have the dream."

Gee, thanks for that.

The comment section is very interesting, some supporting, most not. [OK, this is perplexing. When I tried to post this I got the comment "Your submission has triggered the profanity filter and will not be accepted until the appropriate language is removed." Huh? So, I will attempt to remove the language.]

Examples: "I think one of the most unrecognized reasons older men date younger women is so they can be with someone with a s-x drive closer to their own...But that said, a full 50% of women lose nearly all of their lib-do after menopause and the remaining 50% often find it significantly reduced. There are women this doesn't happen to, but they are not the norm...I'm 47 and my lib-do has changed little since I was 27. If a man has a healthy s-x drive and s-x is important to him in a relationship, the law of averages says that he's more likely to find a compatible mate in a woman fairly younger."

"Have you looked at most men over fifty (me being the exception of course!) Most are balding, overweight and bad dressers. I will date any woman I find attractive, regardliess of age, though I must say in US the 'older ladies' take much better care of themselves than the men do."

"It's not about having the "dream". It's about men's insecurities and an attempt to recapture their lost youth."

"what he means is that women his age don't buy the B.-."

=========================================================

When I was 25, there is no way I would have dated a man twice my age. It just wasn't even a consideration. Money was not important to me, I made my own, thank you. My take on older men wanting to be with younger women is that it makes them feel younger and the woman is a status symbol. I also suspect that men dating younger women is "over reported." Sure, they may want a younger woman, but that doesn't mean they're going to get one. Of course there are many older women who have let themselves go physically, but trust me, there are just as many, if not more, older men who have done the same (just refer to my post "A Tale of Teeth.") I just have to wonder about young women who date rich--but unattractive--men. Why not date a rich man your own age if money is important?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/22/dating-over-50-older-men-date-younger-women_n_2734134.html?utm_hp_ref=love-post50

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
At 36, any drive I have is nonexistent when there's an older man trying to hit on me. Age does matter to me! The thought of sleeping with a guy 15 years older is just ick. Same with a guy 15 years younger. I think you're right in that it's about appearances. Men gain status by having someone attractive on their arm. Women gain status by having a great guy on their arm who has her back. The disconnect is that as women, we tend to focus on trying to stay attractive so men will like us, but guys are completely clueless as to what women are looking for. They think we want status/money, when really we just want a guy to be a good person. For some men, that's just too much to ask. Btw- they are aware that the profanity filter is off. It's just another thing on a long list of things marked "not working".
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
At 36, any drive I have is nonexistent when there's an older man trying to hit on me. Age does matter to me! The thought of sleeping with a guy 15 years older is just ick. Same with a guy 15 years younger. I think you're right in that it's about appearances. Men gain status by having someone attractive on their arm. Women gain status by having a great guy on their arm who has her back. The disconnect is that as women, we tend to focus on trying to stay attractive so men will like us, but guys are completely clueless as to what women are looking for. They think we want status/money, when really we just want a guy to be a good person. For some men, that's just too much to ask. Btw- they are aware that the profanity filter is off. It's just another thing on a long list of things marked "not working".
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think the last comment is the most accurate, that older women won't buy the b.s.  My friend's theory about why older men go for youger women is that the older men have a hard time "getting excited" shall we say and they need the younger women for that purpose.  The comment about older women having lower lib--do I think is totally opposite to what I know about from my friends--I've found that most women over 40 have higher lib--o and are significantly more open s--ually, more willing to experiment with different things, have more confidence sexually, etc.--too bad men don't realize that.

I have a DD who is turning 24--she thinks that a guy who is 30 is "too old" for her.  All of her friends that I know of who have BFs date men their own age.  If you think about it, if an older man wants a young woman because she's more attractive, then why wouldn't a young woman also want a more attractive, younger guy who's in shape, not bald, doesn't have to worry about taking a pill, etc?  Sure, occasionally people who have a big age difference fall in love--my best friend married a guy who's 26 yrs older than she is.  They did end up getting divorced after 15 yrs or so, but I got divorced too and I married someone my age--his age wasn't the reason they got divorced.  

And for this guy who thinks that women his age are jaded because of bad experiences, I'm sure there are an equal number of middle aged men who got burned in a divorce, had to pay too much money, had their ex cheat on them or whatever.  The answer isn't to look for people in a different age group, but to look for the people who have gotten past their bad divorce experiences and still have positive outlooks on life.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999

I don't think it's just the sex but that some of the younger girls are more pliable.  I think the reason that these women date and even marry some of these guys is well, sometimes these men are very intelligent and charming, let's be honest so in some cases I do think there is mutual love.  However, in some cases, I think it's like a bartering situation.  He has something she wants and vice versa.  They are both willing to sacrifice a few things in order to get what they want.  For some, that is financial security and maturity over good looks or youth.  For others it's the opportunity to see things (again) through the eyes of a younger person over sophistication and wisdom.  Plus, there is also the insecurity factor of young women.  They may feel more confident in a relationship with a man who is, by most standards, "out of their league".

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005

That is an interesting article!  There's some truth, I think, to the younger woman/older man relationship, if she's looking for someone to take care of her, and he's looking for someone to take care of.  If you're looking for a real partnership, you're going to find that generally in your own age range.

And I agree with music that being 'jaded' has nothing to do with age.  I know some women who are very jaded about men and relationships.  I work really had not to be that way, and hope that I still am when I am 50.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

 To some who have freedom from pregnancy and birth control the need to use lubrication is but a small price to pay for the absence of anxiety.   To some it is the ability to come and go as they please without the baggage of husband and children.   To others it is adventure.  Whether it is to dance the night away or hike and camp the pleasures that they wanted from afar. 

    Each person goes through the stages of life in a slightly different way.  Some lose weight and others gain.  Some reminisce of the grand times in the past while other long for excitement in the here and now.  Sex and age do not necessarily go together.  American women are different in general from some others in the West and different still from women around the world.  For some countries have such a difference in services that a man for resources is unnecessary: they then do not think of sex the same as those whose history and culture reflects dependance.  Wealthy women have less fear and sometimes more choices as do wealthy men. In the end it is choice of he moment. 

  We all have three.  The three choices,to reject, to accept, to put on the shelf.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nancy-sherr/dating-over-50-guide-for-women_b_2708686.html?ref=topbar

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2013

I think the man is jaded and wants to try to relive his youth without understanding what he really desires in a woman.  The women I know over 60 who are more than those under 40 ever will be.  My female friends are vibrant and love their life.  They take care of themselves and enjoy serving others, taking time for themselves and love love.  THey are happy, fulfilled and fun to be with.  They exercise, eat healthy and enjoy treats and find a balance in life.  THey have learned what they need and will only accept in a relationship.  Yes, there are those who still harbor the same feelings about relaitonships and talk about the past.  They are the ones who are missing on the moments today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2013

I think the man is jaded and wants to try to relive his youth without understanding what he really desires in a woman.  The women I know over 60 who are more than those under 40 ever will be.  My female friends are vibrant and love their life.  They take care of themselves and enjoy serving others, taking time for themselves and love love.  THey are happy, fulfilled and fun to be with.  They exercise, eat healthy and enjoy treats and find a balance in life.  THey have learned what they need and will only accept in a relationship.  Yes, there are those who still harbor the same feelings about relaitonships and talk about the past.  They are the ones who are missing on the moments today.