8 years 10 months and 16 days
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 01-20-2006 - 5:20pm |
That's how long we've been in each other's lives.
Not solely committed the entire time.
But pretty much intending to be "together".
I've tried to end it, for one reason or another (some of them my deficits when it comes to relationships), probably 30 times (maybe more) over the almost 9 years.
I've always ended up back with him. Familiarity, comfort of the known, companionship and the fact that I do love him, always send me back.
He's never ended things but when I try to walk away I do believe he can see the reasons to let things end. He's asked me to marry him (even recently). It's never a big-production proposal, it's a "let's get married", type of thing. I can't say yes; because, although I love him, he's my best friend and I know without a doubt he'd always be there for me, I often feel lonely with him. There are a few "big" reasons to not be together and a thousand tiny ones. One big one: our relationship has never been a top priority for him.
And yet, here I am missing him after only a week. He's not calling. It's for the better that he isn't, maybe the chain can finally be broken; so why does it hurt that he's not calling and why would I want for such a thing if what I think I want is for it to be over?
Confused, I am!
Anyone here understand what I'm going through? Anyone have any great advice? haha
Thanks.
Edited 1/20/2006 5:23 pm ET by iwillbthere4u

Pages
You all have been so kind! I really appreciate the posts!
I'm still hurting, still thinking "I wonder if he'll call today"?, still remembering all the reasons to not walk away. When will it stop? When will I finally say "Enough, I made this decision for a reason and it IS what I want". Obviously, it's what I want or I'd be picking up the phone and calling him - so something in me must be strong. Some little hidden part of me that knows almost 9 years of trying is ENOUGH! There are just so many little things that pop in my mind and I think, will I find someone that has that quality? Will I find someone that I feel that comfortable with? Will they accept this about me? Will I trust them around my dog, around my family, with my heart? It's very scary to think of moving past this, and I'm not quite in the mind frame that it's for the better yet. It's hard for me to imagine "better" out there. Not that he was the best, but that any "man" would really be so much better! LOL
Alright, I don't feel like I'm making sense. It just feels so good to be around others who "understand"!!!!! Thank you!
I long for the day when I wake up and don't hurt, but it's only been a week, I fear I'm a ways off yet.
Definitely give yourself some time. Those first few weeks or months can be excruciating, and it feels like it will never end but the cliche that time heals is really true. There will be a day sometime in the near future when you will realize that you haven't thought of him even once that day.
You'll get there. Also, you know through this relationship that you are capable of love and you are capable of giving your all to a relationship. You will experience love and connection again - and next time it will be with someone who can give the effort back to you in return.
One day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. Eventually, you will get there.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Ugh. You don't have to explain - those of us who have been through it know how horrible it feels.
You are right in the thick of it right now. It will get better - although it doesn't feel like that now, it really will. Just remember that this situation does not change who you are at the core. You are still a wonderful, beautiful human being with a lot to offer the world. Nobody can take that from you.
I have found it helpful after a breakup to write a long letter to the guy (that I never intend to mail, by the way - either put it away or burn it) just to get all the emotions out. I guess I do that to clarify my own thoughts and feelings, and find some closure for myself. We don't always get closure from the other person, but if you can do something to get that for yourself - when you're ready - that can help.
My heart goes out to you. Hang in there, and just take really good care of yourself. Do all the things that make you feel pampered and good, cry, let it out.
BIG BIG HUGS..
Edited 2/2/2006 9:28 am ET by tallgirlcolo
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Thanks Tallgirl!!!! :)
I think I'm gonna do what you suggested (write the letter but don't send it) this weekend. Maybe it will help! :)
I'm better today. Dinner out with a girlfriend last night and the fact that today is Friday/payday. LOL
Thanks again for posting support for me! So kind!
Pages