AAAH! What Do I Do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
AAAH! What Do I Do?
11
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 11:57am
Okay. I feel like an idiot, but here's my story. I've been single since January 11th and I broke up with my ex (after 2.5 years) because he was starting to get clingy and online stalker-ish on me and simply because I just didn't feel that he was what I was really looking for. And I had told myself that I would be single for at least 2 years (which I don't mind at all, I'm totally cool with being alone and I prefer it most days). But I met a guy online and started to go on some dates with him (this has been over the past 3 weeks) and I really liked him a lot during the first and second weeks, but then I started to realize how needy and clingy this guy is (which is what I tend to try to avoid). He told me that he strives to be in committed relationships and that when he sees something he wants, he's gotta have it NOW (including me). And he's an outgoing person and I tend to be really shy as I get to know someone, so he's been a huge jerk about me being shy, he even stays quiet on the phone and then hangs up on me if I don't sit there and talk about myself. So I was starting to get really pissed off with him, and honestly, I don't know why I even continue to give this guy a chance! We have great chemistry and everything, but he wants something serious, I just want to be single and I'm a very busy person and he's not. He said he's willing to sit on the backburner until I have time for him, but frankly, it's not attractive to me that a guy would purposefully "follow me around" like that. And what I really feel bad about is that last night, one thing led to another and we had sex and even though it was pretty good, I can't help but still feel that this guy is only going to continue to be a selfish jerk about my free time. My interest in him is slowly waning (which is probably the biggest reason why I feel bad for having a home run with him last night) and I just don't know how to go about getting him out of my life. :( Honestly, I tried telling him that I wasn't ready for a relationship after I'd known him for only one week, but he just got really pissed off and I consented to seeing him again. I feel so stupid. Any advice?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:06pm

It sounds like you already know the answer. You don't like this guy and you're annoyed by him. On top of that, he's trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad for wanting what you want (read: not him).

Tell him you're not interested in seeing him anymore, and then don't answer his calls or e-mails so he doesn't have a chance to try to talk you into it again. You have every right to end a relationship and he doesn't have a right to hold onto you if that's not what you want.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:08pm

Sounds as though this guy has some very undesirable qualities.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:47pm

I completely agree with both posts... he is manipulative and you can't be too careful with guys like that!

Personally I'm surprised you slept with him feeling the way you do (not judging because I've had my fair share of bad homerun choices too)!!!

How disrespectful are guys today! I swear some of the stories I've read around here lately make me want to try that much harder to be sure I don't end up out there. No offense to those that don't have an option - I'm sure there are some quality fish... somewhere... but where!?

yikes

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 1:01pm
I know! I can't believe I had a home run with him either. :( Can't change the past, I can only change the future and learn from what happened. Except now, I have to add ANOTHER one to my "magic number" (i.e. # of people I've slept with). Sigh! :( I don't usually do stupid things like that and I don't usually put up with this treatment from people. I'm going to use the next time he gets mean toward me as a way out and I'll just stop talking to him altogether. He doesn't really know where I live, so that makes me feel a little better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 1:24pm
You don't need a "way out" - you can break things off at any time, regardless of the fact that you had a "home run" with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:20pm

Why are you being passive?

Instead of waiting until the next time he's mean, just end it. You don't have to wait for anything to happen to end a relationship. Your not happy, end of story. Just say it's not working for you, good luck in the future. BUH BYE!

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 4:16pm

Tell him thanks but no thanks. From what you are saying it sounds unusual that you would continue with him when he threw a fit over you not wanting to be a relationship, after one week. "Don't settle for "Anything" in your life...have the wisdom of selection." You are worth it. Keya

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 6:05pm

Just put yourself in his position for a second. How would you feel if you found out that someone was dating you out of pity or guilt? Those aren't reasons to date someone, even if intimacy has been introduced. You date someone because you genuinely enjoy being with them and respect them as a person.

If he's not doing it for you, I would break it off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 10:08am
We got into an argument over the phone last night (in which he admitted to having an 8-year-old daughter that was born when he was 16 and that he wants nothing to do with...I was shocked) and he ended up hanging up on me. However he needs to deal with losing me is fine by me as long as I'm free!! So...I did the deed and the guy is gone and it's definitely for the best!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 11:49pm
Hopped in here late. Glad to read you got rid of this loser... I was going to suggest you cut him loose and if he asked why, then tell him, "I'm just not that into you anymore".

Pooh1972


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Follow me to my favorite boards:


Signature Making for Beginners

summer 2010 sig by Tara

Pages