AAAH! What Do I Do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
AAAH! What Do I Do?
11
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 11:57am
Okay. I feel like an idiot, but here's my story. I've been single since January 11th and I broke up with my ex (after 2.5 years) because he was starting to get clingy and online stalker-ish on me and simply because I just didn't feel that he was what I was really looking for. And I had told myself that I would be single for at least 2 years (which I don't mind at all, I'm totally cool with being alone and I prefer it most days). But I met a guy online and started to go on some dates with him (this has been over the past 3 weeks) and I really liked him a lot during the first and second weeks, but then I started to realize how needy and clingy this guy is (which is what I tend to try to avoid). He told me that he strives to be in committed relationships and that when he sees something he wants, he's gotta have it NOW (including me). And he's an outgoing person and I tend to be really shy as I get to know someone, so he's been a huge jerk about me being shy, he even stays quiet on the phone and then hangs up on me if I don't sit there and talk about myself. So I was starting to get really pissed off with him, and honestly, I don't know why I even continue to give this guy a chance! We have great chemistry and everything, but he wants something serious, I just want to be single and I'm a very busy person and he's not. He said he's willing to sit on the backburner until I have time for him, but frankly, it's not attractive to me that a guy would purposefully "follow me around" like that. And what I really feel bad about is that last night, one thing led to another and we had sex and even though it was pretty good, I can't help but still feel that this guy is only going to continue to be a selfish jerk about my free time. My interest in him is slowly waning (which is probably the biggest reason why I feel bad for having a home run with him last night) and I just don't know how to go about getting him out of my life. :( Honestly, I tried telling him that I wasn't ready for a relationship after I'd known him for only one week, but he just got really pissed off and I consented to seeing him again. I feel so stupid. Any advice?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2007
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 12:36am

You got laid, hurray! Seriously, you need to satisfy your own needs. Don't feel guilty about having sex with him. It sounds like you had a good time and there's some chemistry... but you already know this isn't going to last.

It's just my opinion, but I think you should be concerned with his use of the word commitment. As you've described the scenario it's not commitment he's looking for but control - that's what the silent treatment, ending the conversation early, etc., are about. Now it's remotely possible he doesn't know what to say... but I doubt it. More likely he's just trying to make you cave by being petty.

Beyond this observation I have no comment other than to say go with what you're gut instinct is telling you. If you're feeling uncomfortable there's probably a good reason why. But don't dare feel bad about having fun ;-)

Pages