Acceptance and Letting Go...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Acceptance and Letting Go...
11
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 5:44pm

So I know that most of us here on this singles board are all different ages but today I was thinking at what  point do we just give up hope on finding a partner.. Now I can only speak for myself but not that I want to give up in thinking I wont have someone again but just thinking well it might not happen and that is the acceptance part I have to wrap  my head around...You know just let it go and forget about part of a couple...

Right now my life has been doing what I want because this is the first time in my life I dont have anyone to take care of.. First it was my first marriage and son and then it was as a single parent and then it was my second marriage and four step kids and my son and then it was taking care of my mom.. So since my mom has been in rehab there is no one to take care of except feeding a dog and cat and that is strange and new to me...So I guess I am just taking care of me for a change which I find very new...and I feel right now in this time and space to just BE like be in the moment which is reading, watching movies and shows I never have watched,cooking new  recipes, studying health ,   and taking walks and being in nature and just all around being my own best friend..It does get lonely at times but it could be worse.. ..I just have to embrace that more .....

So you guys know what I mean.. Just let it go and BE and Accept what is.....

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 10:00pm

Yes I kind of got that attitude--like it's not that I WANT to be alone forever, but realistically it's possible that it could happen, so I had the idea to just try to make my life as happy and fulfilling as possible if that is going to be the case.  It's not like I have nothing to do as you guys well know.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 8:34pm

This is basically how I've been living my life since somewhere around 2004 . . . Sometimes I do get a little melancholy but it's so hard to sit and feel sorry for myself For long . . . Some are so much worse off than I.  

I'll bet it is a strange feeling not having a human being to take care of for the first time in your life, Free.  I will pray to the love fairies that someone appears to take care of you for a change, but if they don't come through for me (you) something tells me you'll be just fine ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 9:32pm

thanks Music and CFK

You know its so strange because I watch the videos of laws of attraction and I still find them very challenging but its a practice I guess.

When I do let go things seem to come easier. Like when I wrote this I felt a bit down and then as soon as I started feeling a bit better a neighbor of mine asked me to take a ride with her and then get lunch and then go to see a free High School music Concert.. I love that stuff so off I went.. That is what I mean about letting go and I def. have a hard time with that.. but I notice that when I let go and let the Universe handle things they just seem to come..That is what the laws of attraction teaches. That theory states that the Universe knows what we want and will eventually give us what we want and need if we just let it BE ..... The hard part is trusting in the process and the Universe..

Yeah; CFK I would love to have someone take care of me for a change. I read  fortune cookie tonight that said you will have someone come alone for you for comfort and warmth.. Ha.. isnt that a Hoot..

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Sat, 05-25-2013 - 4:02pm
I made the choice a very long time ago that the knight on the white horse probably wasn't coming for me so I should make a life for myself that made me happy. I never dated in high school, and I think I missed some sort of lessons that would help me in the dating world. I did date in college, and I had two long (@ 6 year) relationships later, with some smaller romances in between. I found that I am happier and calmer when I am alone. I found it very stressful to try to be 'good enough' for someone else. The men I was involved with were great guys. One I desperately wanted to marry, but more because we had been together so long and it seemed like the next step. When he couldn't commit, I decided to prepare myself for the best life I could have alone. The second relationship was unexpected, and although I didn't actually want marriage by then, I would have liked the relationship to last as it was. Things in our lives changed, and we were in different places (geographically but also in life and what we wanted). I was sad when it ended, because I loved him and we had fun together, but it was also a relief to not have to accommodate his quirks and moods. I am not really open to another relationship...I am 57 and content with my life. Some nights when I fall asleep I wish there were someone told old me, but mostly I am happy to have the bed to myself. As I get older, I find more women who are available for friendships - either due to divorce or death - and I find that my ability to be happy alone is a really good skill to have. I never really wanted children..I used to wonder when I was young who would take care of them while I was working...I did a lot of caring for my mother, and in the two years since she died, I miss her but not the responsibility of her. At the holidays, I feel really alone because I am not the most important person to someone else, But I also appreciate that I can choose what I want to do and not have to juggle other people's needs and wants.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 05-25-2013 - 5:42pm

You guys give such good perspective and after reading Happy';s comments I was thinking yes I do feel at times its easier to be alone and then sometimes not so much...Sometimes it feels like a no win situation...

I always say that I dont need or want that goo goo ga ga fall in love forever relationships of the past but I wouldnt still mind having some sort of relationship.. Like a companion and some sex if possible at my age of 59..

If I could afford to live in a commune I wonder if that would saisfy the lonliness..

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 05-25-2013 - 6:06pm

They still have communes?  And you have to pay to move there?  Wowza ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 05-25-2013 - 6:24pm

Ooops My brain wasnt working that well when I typed this. I dont think I meant  it cost money to live in a commune. I was thinking of something else (lol)

Not sure they do have communes but they must be somewhere??

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 05-25-2013 - 9:00pm

I have heard that they have these kind of cooperative living communities now where it's not so much like communes--like people have their own private places but maybe they get together for group meals or other activities.  Now I have never lived alone--I went from having roommates to getting married & even after I got divorced, then I had kids so the first time in my life I will ever be living alone will be when my son goes to college--it will be interesting to see if I like it or feel lonely.  I think for a while I will like just being able to do whatever I want but I'm sure there will be days when I would like to have someone to talk to also.  I don't know at this point if I could stand having a roommate other than my kids--it would have to be someone I could get along with really well.  My ex SIL was kind of hinting about it at one point but I know she would get on my nerves really fast--I can only take her in small doses.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 05-26-2013 - 5:58pm
I saw a documentary about such living arrangements, but it was filmed somewhere in Europe. I wouldn't be surprised if there are some in the US, too. Hey, at least you get along well enough that your ex SIL even hinted. My ex SIL and I had a come to Jesus talk not too long ago. It was a freeing moment. It's nice to not have that animosity lingering but I don't think we'll ever be chummy. Anyway, I think that's great(but also know what you mean about passing on the idea). I hope you don't get too lonely after he's gone, for what it's worth ;)
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 06-09-2013 - 2:22pm

I loved this, thanks for sharing it!

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