Advice for the guys

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Advice for the guys
8
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 10:39am
Last Thursday, my baby sister was up here with my mom (the one who just got out of the hospital) and she went out with me. At one point, she had 5-6 guys surrounding her, as I expected. She's 21 and hot. There was one guy I'd talked to about her and was eager to introduce her to for weeks. He sat and talked to her most of the night. He's a good guy, just not the most assertive. At the end of the night, another guy swooped in, asked her out, and got her phone number. He was cute and is in grad school, so I approve. He seems to have his life together.

Anyway...right before that, somehow we got on the subject of dating advice. I'd told the first guy before to never describe himself as a "nice guy" to women because what we hear is "doormat." I told him to call himself a good guy instead. I'd much rather date a good guy than a nice guy. The second thing I told them is to be assertive. You can't let your interest be questionable. Both guys seemed good. Only one was assertive. I know they both wanted her number. However, the guy I introduced to her was showing no interest romantically at all. He was just being friendly. If I hadn't met him before, I wouldn't know he was behaving any differently. Poor guy! I really want him to find a good woman. I'm sure he'd be wonderful to her.

So..what else would you have told this guy? He's pretty outgoing, I just think he comes across as the friend, not someone who is interested.

On a side note, the guy who got my sister's number did use it. She's friends with both guys on facebook now, too. The first one also sent me a request. I looked at his wall...nothing too interesting going on!
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 3:26pm
It was July of 2009. Scary how I can find that out, huh? It's been awhile. Glad to know everything is okay. Good to see you back!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 2:54pm

Not much worth writing about to be honest. I can't remember the last time I posted here but I sold my flat and moved to a new area where I am renting, which is perhaps the most significant thing I've done since then. I have been focusing all of my effort on the stock market for the last few years, which is quite a lonely and isolating endeavour which probably explains why I am still single too :smileyhappy:

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 11:45am
Wow! Now that's a blast from the past! What have you been up to, Hal?

I'm not the only one still around, but unfortunately I still am. (single)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 10:07am
Good to see you are still around shywon.
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 3:00pm

Where were you when I was 14 and had my first great crush.  She was a 6' platinum blond older(30's) and super hot.  My parents,cousins etc teased me unmercifully!   Of course it did not help that I was only 4' 10" tall.  I really could have used a coach!!!

dragowoman

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 2:18pm

You bring up a good point.  I'm not positive he's not gay, but when I told him I had a hot little sister he was eager to see a picture.  Then when I showed him the picture, he was eager to meet her.  Then I when I whispered in his ear that she was there, he was all, "Where! Where?"  He wanted to meet her.  After the other guy asked her out, he walked away sulking.  I went over and just gave him a hug and said, "We still love you!"  I am glad he added her on FB, but I don't think that's enough. And, you're right- he really wasn't giving any "I'm interested" signals.  My sister doesn't know I'd already told him about her or that he was excited she was there. 

The other good point you bring up is about living with someone.  He's Chinese, and it's possible he still lives with his parents at 24 and that could be a barrier to meeting a woman.  He may not ever feel that lonliness that comes with being single because someone is always around.  Who knows. 

Maybe next time I see him, he'll bring it up and I can ask him where he thinks he went wrong.  If he doesn't have a clue, I just might have to fill him in!

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 12:33pm
"So..what else would you have told this guy? He's pretty outgoing, I just think he comes across as the friend, not someone who is interested."

-- Was he interested? If he was, then he needs to learn to put himself out there, obviously but it may have been that he has a type and your sister didn't fall into that category. I mean, being young and hot is great but I think it takes a lot more than that to retain someone's interest/attention. Are you sure he's hetero?

I know these two brothers. Both have great jobs, are smart, witty, are kind but at the same time, are not pushovers and both are attractive. I'm 99% sure they are heterosexual. Both have had a couple of serious relationships. They live together and almost never date. I always wonder if the fact that they live together puts some sort of damper on their sex lives or something. Or if that constant companionship keeps them too comfortable. They are both very social and musical too ... they've both been in or are currently in a band. It's kind of like they are like me, and just don't care enough to date ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 12:30pm

I would agree that the man has to be assertive because in society that's what we expect.  He's not going to get anywhere not asking for her number and then the 2nd man beat him to it.  I wouldn't necessarily agree that saying someone is nice is the kiss of death--maybe for a  young person, but for me, having been married to someone who was not so nice, niceness is a big draw.