Advice - no inteerest????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Advice - no inteerest????
6
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 3:00pm
Okay story here and not quite sure what to think.

Dating is hard! (Although the encounters dont count as dates, I suppose)

Meet randomly at a hotle/room party - me - almost no make up/hir not brushed - all set for just goofng around w/ the girl. Ende up at a friend of riends hotel room with a couple guys. Ended up chating (very drunken chatting) for a long time, he asked if I would stay over - I said no -dont do the sex thin unless its monogomious thing- we talked for a long time more, then he said he was tied was going down to his room, ad would I please just crash with him, I said again, that I was tired too,but I dont do the sex thing - he asked my friends permission to take me home the next day, promised no sex, so I agreed. We sayed up making out and and talking. Was pretty fun. Probably said to much in my state of mind. IT was a thursday night an he called me that monday.

Monday phone call - tlkedfor a bit, the said he had to go eat - he said we'd have to get togetherin the future - I Said: Okay. He said "in the near future" - I said Okay - he said nothig -I told him that he and his friend could join me and a nopther friend on Saturday night - no pressue. He said "great, call me thursday" He also said that he did not have my email - he gave me his so I emailed him the next day - with abit too long and too nice email. He emailed back rigt away - polite but short and said for me to call himon thursday

Thursday - lm message for him. He called me back w/i an hour - we chated - he asked if I we were still on for sat. I said yes but I would be goe in S.F. til Sat afternoon. He asked me to call him Sat.

Sat - I left a message with him on hs voicemail. He called me bck while I was fliying. I called him when I got back. H asked if me and my friend woud like to meet him and his friendbefore the bar/dance club for a dink - thn we could all go together. Isaid sure - but I needed to take a nap the weekend was long. He called me back latyer and said that he and a friend decided t go to dinner and would meet us there. I said no prob. He called again after that - ad said that his friend couldnt go (turns out his friends ex girlfriend was going to be there and Iguess tha invovled serious issues) he ased if we would like to go somewhere else. I said no because we hadthese plans to long. H askedif we could call him later if we got bored or after it closed we could hang out.

I called him at 12:30 he didnt answer - he called me back at 2 and apologized for not hearing tha phone, and asked what I was up to. I said I just dropped off my friend. Heasked if I wantd to stop by and say hi, and apologized again for the night bein meesed up by them not goign to the club. I stopped by - he was full of compliments. I said m stopping by does not get him out of going on a date with him - he asked what kind of date I wanted, - he asked if I wanted to stay- I said no sex - He said he would be good. Isaid oky - we stayed up making outand then slept. Nxt morning (sunday) he said he had to go to work and apologized again for the messed up night - I left, quickly.

Did I dothe wrong thing? He didnt even ask me to breakfast that morning, which I think is the polite thing to do. He has not called. Does this mean no interest?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 3:16pm
My perception is that you have been calling him and he responds, but he hasn't initiated anything- except to ask you for sex. If he really wants to date you- not just sex- but date you, he'll call you and set up a date that he doesn't back out on. Don't call him again. You've put enough effort into getting noticed. He knows you're interested- the ball's in his court.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 4:05pm
Since this guy has been pretty upfront about "getting some"--and little else--from you, it's safe to assume that that's all he's looking for.

If you just want that too, then go for it. But if you want A Relationship, then look elsewhere. Either this guy doesn't want one, or he doesn't want one w/YOU.

Ash

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 4:57pm
Ohhh my gosh! I am so sorry for all the typo's! That is terrible.

Yeah - reading my own words I can see that it does seem he just interested in one thing. Ughhh! Why are all guys like that? Does it have to be this hard to find boyfriend material?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 10:01pm
I don't think he ever was interested - a man who is interested (in more than sex) will call, be reliable, ask you out on a proper date, and follow through - as Carrie's boyfriend on SATC said to miranda, who explained that her date said he was too busy to come up for coffee "he's just not that into you" - good news is that you are now free to find someone who is - never ever settle for lukewarm and consider going alcohol free for awhile.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 3:04pm
Funny - I did get an email from him yesterday asking me out for next week.

Yeah I know the Sex and the City thing. I wonder if I am going to be single forever?

Sure feels like it. I wish I could just find a guy who likes me that I like back and everything is easy. I am thinking there are not an out there! Uh Oh - I am getting a bit jaded!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 3:46pm
Well, hopefully he will follow through. I rarely have the problems you describe because I only interact with men who treat me properly and typically I can tell within the first fifteen minutes or less whether they will - if you listen carefully you will hear the negativity, or depression, or cursing, or inappropriate sexual commentary about you or others or the comments like "I am in no rush to marry" or "I'm bad at relationships" - or "Sex and the City ruined oral sex for men" or "my sister in law is a witch" or "my ex sister in law got plenty of money in the divorce" or "maybe we can meet on the spur of the moment sometime" - all these I have heard within the first fifteen minutes - I met none of them, of course. I treat a man with respect and I expect him to treat me like a lady from the first minute - if not, who needs him. Having said that I have many male friends and have had mostly great experiences with relationships -

good luck!