ah, crap...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
ah, crap...
15
Sun, 08-03-2003 - 11:25am
lol.

dangit.

still tryin' to get over the shy hump (i don't mean that literally, hehe).

went to a club/lounge. saw this chick i really dig again. we we're smilin' at each other as we we're both dancing. and i...

can't

pull

the

trigger.

i suggested that we hang at a patio some time. she responds with "call me". why, oh, why didn't i ask for her phone number????? instead, i told her i'd message her through a board we both frequent.

i'm 31, and i'm still acting like a shy high school geek. god help me...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2002
In reply to: thethimble
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 10:02am
So catch up with her online. And relax! She probably didn't even realize you were feeling shy and geeky or maybe she did and was still attracted to you.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 1:20pm
This may sound harsh - you know I luv ya! The problem here is this: you do not think of yourself as WORTHY. I see so many negative comments on here about yourself, towards yourself. Example: I am so HS, who wants an unemployed guy, still lives with his parents, inexperienced, etc. TRUST that if she is the right gal for you, she WILL want you regardless of any of those superficial things! Women fall in love with unemployed alcoholics!! You are not a "bad catch." But until you truly BELIEVE me, you are always going to be nervous and worried about rejection. See, I know I'm a catch so when a guy rejects me *(like last fri night - he was interested in my friend not me) then I think "his loss" and move on (later, I met a hunky cowboy...he never called but we had some FUN dancing!). You don't feel confident enough to do that b/c deep down you believe its YOUR loss. Its not.

I MAY be wrong...you know yourself. But the shyness is just a sympton not the problem. And until you face the problem you will not overcome it.

I just thought of another possibility. I have a shy friend who is really afraid of r/ships...what would he do if things took off? what would he do if he fell in love? he's not capable of supporting wife and kids...he's not ready...so he panics himself on the future so that he freezes in the present...

But whatever it is...lets find out!!

Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 6:42pm
you're probably right. plus, i kinda knew all that stuff already...

but...

couldn't you tell i was just venting? :p

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 2:39am
You know my personality by now! I can't stop myself from trying to find a solution, something to work, etc. Why do ya think I'm an environmentalist? I just gotta try...even if it will only make a miniscule of a difference. And I was kinda hopin' you would answer my question...when you going to feel worthy? Whats it going to take?

Go.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 11:17am
Thim, I just don't know what to tell ya. Do you see it as easier not to ask than it is to ask? Just a thought. Being single is easier in some ways. Dating takes effort, and maybe you don't want to put forth that effort? Of course, Go could also be on the mark. In the end, you've just gotta ASK if you want the number! If you don't, you're never, ever, gonna have a girlfriend again. Think of it that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 12:13pm
nah, i'd rather date. i just get nervous around chicks i dig. i become as dumb as a box of nails (i don't understand that expression, btw). i stutter. i swear, at one point i just blabbered while hoping the music would be too loud for her to hear me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 12:14pm
i figure i'll be fine once i get a decent payin' job...

it's a guy thing. we get a lot of our self confidense from what we do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 1:29am
Honey, you've got to calm down. It's honestly not as bad as you think. If you've ever seen Deuce Bigalow (a very funny movie, you gotta rent it!), then remember how near the end Deuce told the other guy that while men may worry about women not liking them for one thing (manhood, job, etc) women may worry about a whole lot more (too tall, too fat, big feet to name a few). That is so true. So, the next time you see a pretty girl, just go up to her, smile, and just say "How are you doing?" Don't worry about being extravagant, or overly impressive, and no lines! Just be yourself. Talk to her like you would talk to one of your friends, minus profanity, and in a suave tone of voice. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 12:05pm
"It's honestly not as bad as you think"

yeah, it is. let's see... 2 weeks ago, i approached 3 girls on the dance floor and asked if i could join 'em. okay, granted, it was not the smoothest thing to do... but it seemed like everyone was smilin' and i didn't think it was such a big deal? the look i got from her just screamed "please go away!". her actual reply was more along was "i don't care". *sigh* that's just the latest incident, too...


no offense, citygurl, but... it's tougher than you think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2002
In reply to: thethimble
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 5:13pm
I just have to respond to this! So she said "I don't care" and sighed. Great! She didn't say, "Ewwww! No way." Now's your chance to show her why she should care. It's how a guy acts, not how he looks, that matters most. If you've got things to talk about, questions to ask, a gentlemanly way about you or whatever your style is, pretty soon she's not going to be thinking "I don't care." She's going to be drawn in. What do you think is so wrong with you that you would feel that bad about a stranger's view of you before she's even gotten to know you?

Who is she anyway? Maybe you won't like her. Just because she's pretty or has a nice body doesn't mean you two will click or that she has anything interesting to say. When you're meeting new women, you need the attitude that you are assessing them as much as they are you.

Why don't you believe you are a great guy? I tell my 11 year old son that he has a choice each day to act like his own best friend or to cut himself down. Why in the world would he choose to abuse himself? Why would he or you or anyone else, for that matter, choose to think poorly of themselves when it's just as easy to see what's good and positive and strong and worthy about you? There are plenty of people out there willing to mistreat you. Why do you want to do it to yourself?

Ava





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