Alittle Confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2005
Alittle Confused.
6
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 7:54pm

I broke up with my first seriously relationship about 6 months ago. We were friends before we started dating, and we recently started talking again as friends. He was emotionally abusive, controlling, and a real jerk in the relationship, but as a friend he is done of those things. I keep my friendship secret away from my parents because they dislike him very much. We both aren't in relationships at the moment, and he has mentioned something about having a relationship again, but I hope he was kidding. I will never have a relationship with him again, ever. Should I continue this friendship, or do you think something will end up happening. We've only hungout a couple times as being friends, but we haven't hungout for a long time. We're suppose to hangout this Saturday, I just don't want anything to happen physically.

Thanks for the help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 8:08pm
No. To be frank, do not continue a "friendship" with this person. From my experience, no guy just ever wants to be friends. They want more, meaning either a relationship or sex. Besides, if this guy was abusive to you, why even let him back in your life, regardless if he was not this way as a friend?
Kcole
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 9:20pm
Personally, I don't know how you could be friends with someone who didn't respect you in a relationship. All of those qualities he had as a boyfriend aren't gone, he just hides them better. If I was in that situation I'd be thinking he'd be somehow trying to manipulate me back into a relationship- which is a part of abusive behaviour.
My advice- drop this guy as a friend. He's not worth your time and I'm sure you can make friends that wouldn't turn into abusive boyfriends given the opportunity.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 10:20pm

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 6:42am

So don't let it happen. Don't get closer to him than what makes you comfortable, and if he even looks to try anything, then politely tell him no. Make it clear to him that you just want to be friends, and nothing else. And if he asks why, remind him why you broke up in the first place. If he really wants to be friends with you he will understand that.

Good luck.

Janet

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 8:48am
Why would you want a friend who had been controlling, emotionally abusive and a real jerk? I don't care when he behaved like that. The mere fact that he did should be enough for you to not give him the benefit of your companionship. There are much better people to spend your time with. Let him find another emotional punching bag.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 1:41pm

I am going to be as blunt about your situation as I can, get out now. Don't go back to him a second longer. He hurt you once and TRUST ME he will hurt you again. I have been where you are going and it is not something you want to have to deal with all over again.

Get some good sense, girl :)

Megan.