Always the Friend?
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| Sun, 01-14-2007 - 10:23pm |
Hi all -
I've been a way from the boards for a while, I will write more about what I've been up to in another conversation.
I just have a question and wanted some neutral opinions. Basically, I always seem to end up in the "friend category" of almost every new guy I meet. I have a great group of fun guy friends that I go out with sometimes, along with some girlfriends. My question is though, I'm really beginning to wonder if I always give off a friendship vibe to new guys I meet. It seems like whenever I meet someone, even if something physical happens or even if we date for a little while it always goes back to being friends. Most of my guy friends that I have now started off with some sort of romantic spark that didn't stick.
I don't think I give off a friendship vibe, I definitely don't mean to but I'm sort of wondering what's up because I've been interested in this new guy for a few months who is not a part of my friend circle but we frequent the same neighborhood bar, he knows I'm interested in him (as of probably two months ago or so) and we talk when we see each other, he even approaches me but I don't know what to think of it and I'm a little "afraid" this is heading towards yet another friendship. I just assume he would have asked me out by now but one thing I know is that I don't always understand men so I've *tried* not to read too much into it. The friends I've talked to all seem to have the same opinions, to just take things one day at a time, just take things slow, you never know what will happen etc. I agree with all of that but I'm not looking for an instananeous boyfriend or a marriage proposal, I just want to have dates and that romantic chemistry and flirtation with someone that keeps eluding me.
I'm not the kind of girl who comes on strong, that just isn't my character but I'm wondering if maybe I should be a little bolder or flirtatious? Something? It's great that I know so many good guys and have these great friendships but this girl is really hoping for an actual date at some point...I'm willing to listen to any advice ;-)

Edited 1/15/2007 12:47 pm ET by cfk_3
Sorry, I was about to go to bed when I read the post and I guess I missed that part somehow.
When I was reading your post for the second time, before I got to the end, I started thinking that perhaps you should try flirting a little more. Then, of course, when I got to the end of it, you pondered the same thing. You claimed that it "wasn't in your character". Maybe these men you meet are confused. You must flirt a little, in order to let them know that you like them, like them in more than just the friend sense. Guys claim to be kinda dumb in this area. They claim that they almost have to be hit over the head in order to realize when a woman is romantically interested in them.
Also, are you a good communicator? Have you expressed to these other men whom you've dated that you are really digging them? Men like it when a woman makes him feel good. They appreciate it when the woman makes them feel like they're the most desirable man around. Superman, Hercules, and GQ man of the year all rolled into one ; )
As women, I think we sometimes get so wrapped up in our princess fantasies we forget that the male ego needs a little stroking too.
I agree and was thinking the same thing.
Hi there,
I understand your struggle fairly well, having been "the friend" to many a guy. To sort out these situations, and determine whether they are romantically interested, I've tried to make it as easy as possible for them to ask me out. You know, mention a movie you'd like to see, or a new ice cream place you've love to try. Any activity you might have in common works well too. But if they don't take this opportunity, then I assume they are not interested. They may not be interested for a lot of different reasons, but at that point, at least you know.
To be honest though, when I look back at the guys that I have as my closest friends, I see very clearly now that we would not have worked romantically. I treasure many of these friendships.
Hang int there, it is not easy being single, but the wider your social circle, the more fun it is.
Thanks everyone for your input. I think maybe I do need to come on a little bit more, I'm a bit shy which doesn't help, I guess some of it is insecurity (not of the way I look or anything but sort of a confidence issue with having so many guys having end up in the "friendship pile" despite my efforts. Plus the mixed signals and advice I've gotten (not here but everywhere else). I'll hear that men like to do the chasing, but then I'll hear that they need the encouragement and like when a woman aproaches them and makes the first move. I've also heard from my guy friends that most guys are really clueless and do need to be hit over the hit most times which sort of complicates it even more.
One thing I am going to do is start dressing ultra feminine more when I go out. I'm a girly girl as it is but I've noticed that dressing up outside of jeans goes a long way, at least it has for me. The times I have gotten a comment about how hot I looked from my guy friends is when I've been dressed up for something, not that I am that concerned about the guys who are already my good friends, but if they notice me then there's a good chance someone else will.
I actually have a big singles party to go this weekend that some of my friends are having, there will be a lot of new people there (100 so far) so that might be a good time for me to test the waters.