am i crazy?
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| Thu, 04-13-2006 - 2:18pm |
Or does it seem that everyone out there who are potential "mates" are only interested in themselves. I will focus on the women because I am myself a guy who is single and who tries to meet women to date, be friends with, talk to, or maybe get serious with but I seem to run into so many unappealing people(emotionally and mentally not pyhsically). I look at the news and look at people everywhere(newpaper editorials, at work, at school, on the street, at the grocery store, at night clubs and parties-everywhere!) and I see so many self-invovled, greedy, idealistic people everywhere, and all the time. I judge this by the way they interact with me, other people, noticing how they carry themselves and how they seem to react to things. I am coming off as a grumpy person who has a dislike for people but Im not, I am really an open minded person who wants to like others and who wants to have a little faith in others but I find it impossible especially when it comes to women when I am trying to find someone to connect with even if it is only on a friendship level. I am becoming more and more disillisioned with other people especially the opposite sex.
Forgive me for sounding mean or like a grumpy SOB but I am just upset with people in general....
Let me know if you agree with or dont or think Im a crazy person lol....

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I would agree that being selfish/self-absorbed is an issue for many people but by no means all. I think everyone is *somewhat* selfish, it's a question of degree and what you can accept. BTW, I don't think you meant to say "idealistic", did you? That's usually considered a positive trait ;-).
My personal hot button these days is men who are dishonest...I'm becoming very disillusioned about ever meeting an honest man. I've been seeing someone casually who said he just doesn't "do" relationships, and I was like, ok, that's not ideal but it's fine for the time being, we're having fun, we're both single, at least he's being honest and upfront with me. But NO! Turns out there's an ex-girlfriend in the picture he's "not quite disconnected from" (and frankly I don't really believe she's an ex). I'm sure there are plenty of dishonest women out there too, but being a woman, it's the dishonest men that I'm concerned with.
Sheri
I totally agree that there are a ton of self centered people out there who will do anything to help themselves but not other people. Even simple things like holding a door open or the elevator are less common.
But I'll also add that not everyone is like that, just takes some time to find the ones who do care about other people.
Trina
Yeah I know exactly how you feel.
I'm a woman and feel exactly the way you do except about men. Well - women too, but I don't date women.
And even though I'm in a relationship right now - believe me, when and if this one ends - that's it. I'm through with dating because I can't deal with the attitudes anymore. I'd much rather move to an island and live among the monkeys.
Problem I see with men - don't take offense here - but you guys seem to be way too interested in the physical and to heck with anything else. I knew this guy, he was interested in this woman. She insulted his apartment, his car, his friends, etc., but he just kept on going out with her. Why? Because she was physically attractive and he liked having her on his arm. Never mind the fact that she was self-absorbed, a snob, and so forth. She was physically attractive.
So that pretty much says it all. No matter how intelligent a woman is, no matter how giving, kind-hearted, average in looks department but not model-looking, etc., - it all comes down to what she looks like.
Yeah - it's biology. And that's why I give up on dating.
Maybe idealistic is the wrong word. I mean that people have their beliefs, desires, wants, and ideas and they will only go for what THEY want and will not compromise on anything. Example- I know a woman who is obsessed with Brad Pitt. Shes holding out for either a guy who looks like brad pitt or the man himself. If you can believe that.
I also know the typical response I will get from many people about my feelings and that is that I havent met the right one yet and so on and so forth. But I have gotten used to getting my heart stomped on. Even if I met the perfect girl who is unlike all the others I would still be upset that there are people out there like my friends, family or genuinely nice people i dont even know that are getting screwed over by people who dont care about anyone but themselves, like what happened to you north. It just genuinely bugs me that people are out there crapping on other people.
I guess Im just over sensitive sometimes.
Sometimes I feel guilty for not giving a girl a chance because she is not pretty. Don't get me wrong--I do not need her to look like a model. Nonetheless, I want to feel attracted to her. Perhaps I should ask the girl on a date, even if I do not find her attractive, to practice my dating skills. However, I cannot pretend that I am interested, and likely she will see right through me.
Oh, by the way, call it inferiority complex or whatever, I never feel that a pretty girl will give me a chance. People tell me not to worry, but it is hard not to doubt yourself after a few disappointments....
I completely understand about being intimidated by girls that are really attractive. I think there is no way they would give me the time of day because they could get a better guy then me so why would they waste time on me?
Plus I figure that when a girl is attractive shes either taken or shes a bee with an itch.
But that doesnt matter because I cant around the fact that going up to an attractive girl is like running for president...pointless.
It's not even as if I have given up on it so much as I feel like I CANT do it. The same way someone who is terrified of heights CANT sky-dive or bungee jump. Maybe because like those people I see no positive outcomes from it-maybe theyll be nice and humor me but ultimately they have something better coming along so whats the point really.
I mean when you can get anyone you want or you can have your pick from a lot of guys...why settle for less...I doubt any women out there are going to disagree with that statement because so many women on these boards talk about they know what they want and how they dont want to settle for much less
Nobody should settle for less than they need or want, beautiful or not. Granted, some people need to reevaluate what it is that they want and come to a more realistic and genuine evaluation.
I hate to say this, but you sound a little embittered to me. Yes, there are people who are selfish and greedy. Like Sheri said, everyone is a little selfish. Self interest is part of what makes the world go 'round and there is nothing wrong with that. It is a matter of how much we let our self interest color how we treat other people, really.
And your comment about an attractive woman being either taken or a b*tch rubs me the wrong way. Why would you say that? I know a lot of attractive women who are single and also really nice and genuine people.
You should be practicing your people skills on everyone. Not just pretty girls. When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE. Young, old, middle-age, women, men - everyone. And I don't mean in a dating sense - I mean being able to talk to anyone. That alleviates anxiety for when you do become interested in a girl.
But if you're only focusing on pretty girls - yeah, you are going to get turned down because you come across as scared. Pretty girls get hit on EVERY DAY by literally EVERY guy.
Not only will this alleviate your anxiety, you also might find out that there are average looking girls that you really like.
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