Am I crazy what happened?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Am I crazy what happened?
59
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 8:55pm

I have already posted this under GUY TALK hoping that a guy would read it and give me a males prospective. However, it could be that maybe I need a woman's prospective instead since we run into typical situations like this more than men.

I've been going crazy trying to figure this situation out for the last couple of days and need help. There's a guy at my job that I'm interested in and thought the was interested in me too. We talk often, flirt and laugh our butts off everytime we're together. He asks everytime he sees me how my day is going (my boss is a nightmare...lol) and never passes me by without saying hello. No matter what he's doing or where he's going. I was trying to get up the nerve to ask him out but he beat me to it. He asked me to a picnic that he and some friends were having. I figured this was my chance to get to know him better and went along. It was great and everything went better than I could've imanagined. Until, I asked him to a function that I was having the next week. He told me and everyone that would listen repeatedly that he was coming. I know this because people around me kept telling me. So, I was of course very excited as the event drew nearer. Then you guessed it he didn't show up no call, no email, no nothing. When I saw him next he said he was tired from working all day and just couldn't make it. I tried to be open-minded but something about it just didn't ring true or make sense. As far as I know he's not married or dating anyone because I assume this person would've been at the picnic. I just don't understand I really need a man to explain this to me. Why would a guy go through all the trouble of telling you he wanted to be somewhere he didnt'. There was no pressure at all I SWEAR since other people he and I both knew would be there. I just thought since we had such a good time together at his shindig. Why not do it again? Ok, so am I just DAMN crazy or is it possible I just read more into the situation than there was. My girlfriends say I should give him another chance because it's possible he got cold feet and just got scared. I don't know what to think I just don't want to start falling for someone who is playing mind games.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 1:06pm

hal_9000

Thanks for you input but when I invited him along to my function which was a celebration with some friends at a local bar. I wasn't expecting him to get down on one knee and propose....lol! We had a good time before and I thought we would've again. I don't think there is anything wrong with inviting someone out whose company you enjoy. Since, he clearly has enjoyed my company enough to ask me to the picnic. Perhaps, he does only want to be friends that is fine.

However, if I thought what went on at the picnic was more serious than it was or more romantic wouldn't I have asked him to something of a more intimate setting. Yes, I would but instead I just invited him to join in with my celebration. BTW, I would expect the same courtesy from someone I was friends with or dating. If you can't make it that's fine just give me a ring takes two seconds. Instead of having a group of people waiting for you and thinking that maybe possibly something might have happened to you. Since, you yourself indicated time and time again to anyone that would listen that you were going to show up. I find that to be rude and most definitely incosiderate friend or mate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 1:12pm

Pinkgirl09,

It is what is? He may very well not be into me. Hey it happens not everyone is wowed by my unmistakable charm...lol... Still, he has just invited me to another picnic he is having. I decided though it is probably better if I just keep my distance for now...STAY TUNED....LOL...BTW thanks for your honest opinion sometimes it not what you need to hear that helps but what you don't want to hear....:0)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 1:16pm

cl-shywon,

That is exactly how I feel whether he just wants to be my friend or something more if he doensn't even have common courtesy who needs that..He can put that where...
back there....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 1:22pm

j_dinitto,

Hang in there that is the cross us beautiful people must bare...lol! I've already started my hottie search wish me luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 1:29pm

>Well if he wasn't interested in the first place,
>why did he ask her to his 'shindig'?? And please
>don't say he was just being polite

I explained why and it has nothing to do with being polite. Do you have any male friends or work colleagues that you invite to 'shindigs'? Do you have a romantic interest in them all? How many men have been given the “I only like you as a friend, sorry if I gave you the wrong idea” line from a woman? Have you ever had to say it to a man that you liked only as a friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 1:36pm

dayna3d2,

Your in good company! It's hilarious to me that men say woman are confusing. I think they send out more mixed signals then a traffic light. One minute they're interested and the next minute they're not well that is until you find someone else. Then low and behold they're interested again....lol. It makes life interesting but leads to alot of headaches and if you fall to soon heartache too! Keep your chin up like another poster said there are alot of hotties out there and find the right one is half the fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 2:07pm
I would agree with the others in that he's not interested in you like that or he's not available to date now because if he was he wouldn't have not showed up to the event without letting you know first out of courtesy. I would just let this one go for sure and let him come to you to ask you out if he's interested or available to date.
I just had a guy disappear on me after a couple of dates and they were actual dates so don't feel bad. I called to wish him a happy birthday a week ago and I never heard back from him. Cl-Shywon is right, for some reason men like to do this disappearing act thing without being honest and just saying that there was no connection on their part. It's a cowardly thing to do but I guess it does the job in letting us know without having to put it in words.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 3:42pm

Regardless whether it's a guy or not or what the reason why he bailed, if someone asks me to an event and does not show without an explanation or a heads up beforehand then I would find that a lack of reliablity on his/her part. After that I would be really hesitant wanting to do anything with him/her again.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 3:46pm
No, not every outing between a male and female has to be romantic. I don't get the feeling that she impressed upon him that they were going on a 'date'. He was a jerk for not calling. A phone call, text message, something saying Hey I can't make it. Then to have the nerve to ask her to another picnic! C'mon, really now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 5:24pm

Hal,

This is what I don't get ... so if he's not interested, this allows him to act however he wants? That is not the issue. Men need to stop thinking that women are going to fall apart if a man doesn't like them. What we don't appreciate is when a man blows us off or just disappears. All we want is a man to just be honest with us and show us some common courtesy that you would show one of your friends or in this case professional courtesy that he should show one of his colleagues.

It's not the message but the way the message is delivered.

Incidently this example clearly shows why I don't ask men out, not because I'm not capable but because of the way men react. He asks her out and everything is fine. She reciprocates and he blows her off. Then he asks her out to a picnic like nothing is wrong. It's not fair or nice is it?

Women will give men equality when men know how to deal with it. Until then, I'm happy to sit back and let the man ask me out. It's a lot easier and a hell of a lot less confusing.

Feisty