Am I crazy what happened?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Am I crazy what happened?
59
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 8:55pm

I have already posted this under GUY TALK hoping that a guy would read it and give me a males prospective. However, it could be that maybe I need a woman's prospective instead since we run into typical situations like this more than men.

I've been going crazy trying to figure this situation out for the last couple of days and need help. There's a guy at my job that I'm interested in and thought the was interested in me too. We talk often, flirt and laugh our butts off everytime we're together. He asks everytime he sees me how my day is going (my boss is a nightmare...lol) and never passes me by without saying hello. No matter what he's doing or where he's going. I was trying to get up the nerve to ask him out but he beat me to it. He asked me to a picnic that he and some friends were having. I figured this was my chance to get to know him better and went along. It was great and everything went better than I could've imanagined. Until, I asked him to a function that I was having the next week. He told me and everyone that would listen repeatedly that he was coming. I know this because people around me kept telling me. So, I was of course very excited as the event drew nearer. Then you guessed it he didn't show up no call, no email, no nothing. When I saw him next he said he was tired from working all day and just couldn't make it. I tried to be open-minded but something about it just didn't ring true or make sense. As far as I know he's not married or dating anyone because I assume this person would've been at the picnic. I just don't understand I really need a man to explain this to me. Why would a guy go through all the trouble of telling you he wanted to be somewhere he didnt'. There was no pressure at all I SWEAR since other people he and I both knew would be there. I just thought since we had such a good time together at his shindig. Why not do it again? Ok, so am I just DAMN crazy or is it possible I just read more into the situation than there was. My girlfriends say I should give him another chance because it's possible he got cold feet and just got scared. I don't know what to think I just don't want to start falling for someone who is playing mind games.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 3:59am

charna75,

Perhaps I didn't make it clear in one of my previous posts. We can continue to argue about whether he is rude and/or disrespectful for not calling but it's an academic issue in my opinion. He didn't show up and he didn't call which means he isn't interested.

There aren't enough men posting in this forum to persuade women to believe that it is NOT only men that disappear without explanation. Women do it too! Yes, shock horror, it's not only men, not even mostly men, but women and men alike.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 7:52am

Hal, you've made your point very clear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 2:33am

>He committed to spending time with her and then didn't
>show up. That is disrespectful. It'd be the same if
>it were a female friend.

I didn't get the impression he had committed to spending time with her. It was a function that many mutual friends would be attending and there was no pressure to attend. Now, if he had showed up at the function would you be saying it means he is definitely interested in a romantic relationship or that he is considerate? It seems there are the only two choices - Romantically interested OR disrespectful/rude/inconsiderate.

If he had showed up the function and nothing romantic happened he would be accused of playing silly mind games...why show up at a function if he isn't interested, right? Sometimes men aren't as dense as you think when it comes to women. Maybe he sensed that the OP was becoming romantically interested in him and he didn't want to mislead her. I would rather a woman think that I am rude and inconsiderate than to think I am romantically interested when I am not.




Edited 9/7/2006 2:34 am ET by hal_9000
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 4:59am

Hal,

Men should really get over themselves. Women aren't going to fall apart if a man does not like them back in return. There is no need for rudeness or to be inconsiderate. If he showed up at the function, that would have been no clear indication of whether he liked her or not. He is already giving her mixed messages by asking her to a picnic after he brushed her off.

As I said previously, it is often not the message but the way the message is delivered or not delivered which is the most hurtful. Most women are capable of being friends with the opposite sex whereas I think men are too selfish to be friends with a woman unless they are going to benefit from it in some way. I think it is really weak and pathetic to ignore or avoid someone than to simply be open and honest and tell someone you don't feel the same way.

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 6:05am

Feisty,

After reading this thread again I really wonder who is playing the silly mind games. In her first post, iriegal37 says:

"I don't know what to think I just don't want to start falling for someone who is playing mind games."

In a later post she writes:

"However, if I thought what went on at the picnic was more serious than it was or more romantic wouldn't I have asked him to something of a more intimate setting. Yes, I would but instead I just invited him to join in with my celebration"

After reading this paragraph again I wonder why she posted here in the first place. Does she think there is something worth pursuing or not? Why use such a dramatic title for the post?

If iriegal37 really wanted to find out if he is interested why didn't she ask him to something of a more intimate setting when she had the chance? Why go about it in a roundabout way?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 7:33am

How about being not romantically interested and considerate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 8:08am

Hal,

I can't speak for the OP and I personally would not want to date someone I worked with but if I did, I wouldn't ask him out on an intimate date. There is no need as she can get to know him in a group setting and I think she has found out as much as she needs to know about him.

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 10:57am

>How about being not romantically interested and considerate?
>Now wouldn't that be a novel concept.

A woman asking a man out to a more intimate setting when she has a romantic interest in him. Now THAT is a novel concept!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 11:04am
Well, maybe she wanted to get to know him first in a social gathering where it's more comfortable and not be that forward in asking him out on an actual date. Aren't we told by most men and "experts" anyway that men like to pursue so when a woman is too forward with a guy it's a turnoff. Personally I would rather allow the man to ask me out especially the first couple of times because then I know he's interested and besides gives them the opportunity to excersize their "pursuit gene".
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 11:13am

>I wouldn't ask him out on an intimate date. There is
>no need as she can get to know him in a group setting

Most people would consider this to be game playing and even deception. She works with the man and has already admitted that she is interested in him. But you think it's OK to invite a man around to various functions until you figure out whether he is worth dating? Very nice. So what happens if she decides he isn't worth dating? Will the invitations suddenly and inexplicably end or will the pretence continue until the man convinces himself she has a romantic interest until he discovers the heart breaking truth?