Am I crazy what happened?
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| Mon, 09-04-2006 - 8:55pm |
I have already posted this under GUY TALK hoping that a guy would read it and give me a males prospective. However, it could be that maybe I need a woman's prospective instead since we run into typical situations like this more than men.
I've been going crazy trying to figure this situation out for the last couple of days and need help. There's a guy at my job that I'm interested in and thought the was interested in me too. We talk often, flirt and laugh our butts off everytime we're together. He asks everytime he sees me how my day is going (my boss is a nightmare...lol) and never passes me by without saying hello. No matter what he's doing or where he's going. I was trying to get up the nerve to ask him out but he beat me to it. He asked me to a picnic that he and some friends were having. I figured this was my chance to get to know him better and went along. It was great and everything went better than I could've imanagined. Until, I asked him to a function that I was having the next week. He told me and everyone that would listen repeatedly that he was coming. I know this because people around me kept telling me. So, I was of course very excited as the event drew nearer. Then you guessed it he didn't show up no call, no email, no nothing. When I saw him next he said he was tired from working all day and just couldn't make it. I tried to be open-minded but something about it just didn't ring true or make sense. As far as I know he's not married or dating anyone because I assume this person would've been at the picnic. I just don't understand I really need a man to explain this to me. Why would a guy go through all the trouble of telling you he wanted to be somewhere he didnt'. There was no pressure at all I SWEAR since other people he and I both knew would be there. I just thought since we had such a good time together at his shindig. Why not do it again? Ok, so am I just DAMN crazy or is it possible I just read more into the situation than there was. My girlfriends say I should give him another chance because it's possible he got cold feet and just got scared. I don't know what to think I just don't want to start falling for someone who is playing mind games.

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>when a woman is too forward with a guy it's a turnoff
"Too" has somewhat negative connotations so I agree that being "too forward" IS a turnoff. But this is true for men and women alike.
>Personally I would rather allow the man to ask me out
>especially the first couple of times because then I
>know he's interested
Yes, but ask you out on a *date*. If he keeps asking you out to friendly social gatherings you will never really know if he is interested in you romantically. Especially if nothing romantic happens at them!
I am now starting to understand why so many men have become a victim of the "I only like you as a friend" situation....WOMEN PLAY GAMES!!!
Edited 9/7/2006 11:34 am ET by hal_9000
Improper communication/assumptions are huge problems when two people are at the get-to-know each other stage. And that poor communication leads to misunderstanding and second-guessing. It's unfortunate. That's why I feel it's important to Say what you Mean, and Mean what you Say. Just be clear. Things would be so much easier in general.
For the most part it's not the female gender that has the problems communicating. It's the male gender. Not in all cases, but a lot of cases. This is why it's so difficult in dating at the beginning because A LOT of men (not all) refuse to be honest and upfront because they think that we are as fragile as glass and will break or something. Sure, I would be disappointed but I"ll get over it eventually. I have told ALL the men that I've dated in which I've had just friendly feelings for the truth and I believe that all of them have appreciated it no matter how hard it was to hear. However I rarely ever get the same in return from men, I just get poofed on. That to me is comletely disrespectful and cowardly and those kinds of guys I would never want to date anyway. I would rather date a man who is mature enough to speak his mind and speak the truth. So I guess if I get poofed on, good riddance to those guys!
biochic2004,
I am not going to speak on behalf of all men but I can certainly identify with everything you have written but from a man’s perspective. Women have given out their phone number (and sometimes fake ones) but never answer or come up with silly excuses as to why they can’t go out on a date. They also accept a 1st date and disappear after that. They are not interested but are too “nice” to say “no thanks.” So I think it’s about time we ended the myth that women are completely innocent when it comes to dating.
I can’t say what is or isn’t true in regard to what you read and/or hear in respect to the way men think or behave. What I can say is that there wouldn’t be countless numbers of Websites and books devoted to helping men out with dating if we were the ones who pulled the strings.
I think that there are just too many books out there on dating and relationships and too many different opinions so no one really knows which way is up anymore. I read all those books too. But it helps to not have the black and white thinking and take things with a grain of salt and choose what really makes sense to you versus what doesn't make sense because not all of the information given rings true for everyone. I'm not a black and white thinker most of the time with dating. I will take risks and make the first phone call with a guy just to see, but if he doesn't respond then of course I let it go. I'm told not to make the first call or not to ask a guy out if I"m interested by a lot of people on these boards or by my friends, but I do what feels reasonable to me at the time and if I feel like taking a risk I'll take a risk.
Hal,
I emailed a colleague yesterday and he asked me out for drinks because I'm leaving next week. Did I automatically think that he liked me? Of course not. I just thought it was a nice gesture and a chance to make a new friend. Similarly, I would not have appreciated it if he thought I liked him simply because I emailed him. Hypothetically speaking if I did like him, he asked me out for casual drinks and then I was hurt because he said he only liked me as a friend, then I need to be accountable and take responsibility for my own feelings. At a certain age, a woman and a man can actually be friends before they start getting involved romantically. It's an ideal situation for both a man and woman if they have met through mutual friends, the gym or a familiar setting where they can slowly get to know the person and build up a friendship and as every mature adult would know, a friendship is the best basis for a relationship. Being in a relationship is not the be all and end all. The reason why people have so many problems with relationships is because they don't look before they leap. You have to get to know a person before you decide whether you want to take it any further. To me a friendship is much more important. All you need to do is treat people the way you would like to be treated and to be honest and upfront about how you feel. The only time there is cause for hurt is when men or women employ your avoidance tactics and disappear. It is much simpler to tell someone you don't feel for them in that way but that comes with age and maturity. No one said anything about games and deception.
Feisty
Edited 9/7/2006 5:40 pm ET by feisty01
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