Am I crazy what happened?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Am I crazy what happened?
59
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 8:55pm

I have already posted this under GUY TALK hoping that a guy would read it and give me a males prospective. However, it could be that maybe I need a woman's prospective instead since we run into typical situations like this more than men.

I've been going crazy trying to figure this situation out for the last couple of days and need help. There's a guy at my job that I'm interested in and thought the was interested in me too. We talk often, flirt and laugh our butts off everytime we're together. He asks everytime he sees me how my day is going (my boss is a nightmare...lol) and never passes me by without saying hello. No matter what he's doing or where he's going. I was trying to get up the nerve to ask him out but he beat me to it. He asked me to a picnic that he and some friends were having. I figured this was my chance to get to know him better and went along. It was great and everything went better than I could've imanagined. Until, I asked him to a function that I was having the next week. He told me and everyone that would listen repeatedly that he was coming. I know this because people around me kept telling me. So, I was of course very excited as the event drew nearer. Then you guessed it he didn't show up no call, no email, no nothing. When I saw him next he said he was tired from working all day and just couldn't make it. I tried to be open-minded but something about it just didn't ring true or make sense. As far as I know he's not married or dating anyone because I assume this person would've been at the picnic. I just don't understand I really need a man to explain this to me. Why would a guy go through all the trouble of telling you he wanted to be somewhere he didnt'. There was no pressure at all I SWEAR since other people he and I both knew would be there. I just thought since we had such a good time together at his shindig. Why not do it again? Ok, so am I just DAMN crazy or is it possible I just read more into the situation than there was. My girlfriends say I should give him another chance because it's possible he got cold feet and just got scared. I don't know what to think I just don't want to start falling for someone who is playing mind games.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 5:09pm

Springy132,

Yes, I do like to generalise. I gave up on giving people the benefit of the doubt a long time ago. Most people fit into little boxes that you can categorise them in. Criticise me all you like but if you remember one thing, remember this: most men can only be friends with women they are not attracted to. If you're unattractive, this doesn't apply to you.

Feisty

Edited to add: Whooops, didn't realise you were a man Springy but I still stick by post but it doesn't apply to you ... haha




Edited 9/8/2006 11:17 pm ET by feisty01
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 5:12pm
Obviously, we have a different point of view. As much as I have enjoyed hitting my head against a brick wall, I don't wish to continue this any further. Don't do me any favours by agreeing with me to keep me happy. It's patronising and unnecessary.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 9:47pm
I have to disagree with Hal on this one. There is too much rapport between them, although not romantic, for the guy to not show up and not calling anyone. Unfortunately, these things happen all the time and they do not have to come from romantic prospects to be painful. Just a thought....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 2:41am

>most men can only be friends with women
>they are not attracted to

The implication from your statement then, I suppose, is that most of your male friends aren't attracted to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 3:43am

springy132,

>I think the OP explained this. she didn't want to
>scare him off with something too intimate.

She explained this with the benefit of hindsight. If you read post 12 she actually said:

"However, if I thought what went on at the picnic was more serious than it was or more romantic wouldn't I have asked him to something of a more intimate setting. Yes, I would but instead I just invited him to join in with my celebration."

The assertive "Yes, I would" doesn't give me the impression she was afraid of scaring him off. The story hasn't remained consistent so it has lost its purpose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 8:11am

Hal,

I don't have many male friends for that very reason *wink*. Btw, my colleague from work admitted that he thought I was very attractive.

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 11:00am

>I don't have many male friends for that very reason *wink*.

I don’t doubt it. However I think it would be more accurate to say that most men don’t want to remain only friends with women they are attracted to. Although I personally think this applies to women as well. Otherwise it implies that most women want to remain only friends with men they are attracted to and I can’t believe that this is true. It certainly isn’t in my experience. *wink*

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 8:06pm

Hal,

Touche ... haha ... I have no doubt that is true in your case as well. You can see by the posts on this board and other boards I frequent that women also find it hard to be bona fide friends with men they are attracted to which brings us to the old age question - can men and women really be friends?

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 9:02pm
Yes they can.

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